Men Are Polygamous But Remember It’s The Same God Who Created Both Men And Women

In two years of dating Emma, I caught him cheating with three different women. The first one I was naive. I loved him so much that I didn’t want anything to come between us. I thought I was the problem so I asked, pleadingly, “What am I not doing right? What can I do better so you won’t look at any other woman?”

He said sorry so I consoled myself, “Not all men would say sorry when they are caught cheating.”  I forgave him. I thought he was the one. Or I wanted him to be the one so badly?

Our love became stronger. We would go to places together and he would introduce me to people as his wife.

The second cheating happened six months later. I was a little bit mature in love and knew what red flags were. “A man who cheats again after being caught is a huge red flag, I told myself but when he came begging and telling me I should give him one more chance, my heart softened but I wasn’t going to forgive him easily so I asked, “What made you cheat? If you can give me two reasons why you cheated I will forgive you.”

I’m more beautiful than the girl so he couldn’t use beauty as the reason. He saw me every day when he needed me so he couldn’t use absence as the reason. I gave him sex when he needed it so he couldn’t use that also. I was in his house every weekend, cooking and filling his day with companionship so that wasn’t an excuse either. He said, “I don’t know what makes me cheat. Maybe it’s the devil. And also, I lack self-discipline. I will work on that believe me.”

The third cheating was devastating and the way I found out nearly got me paralyzed.

There was a new tenant in the house he was living. A national service lady who had come from another town. I was there when this girl entered the house and every day I’d been there, this girl was around to see me.

There was this particular number that would be calling him consistently. It wasn’t saved on his phone so I could see the number. It called often for me to memorize the last three digits. Each time the number called, he didn’t pick up. He told me he was owing the caller and it was the reason he couldn’t pick up his calls.

I took the number one day. I wanted to surprise him by paying what he was owing. I called this line and a lady picked up. The voice sounded familiar. Immediately she mentioned her name, I knew it was the national service lady. I said, “Sorry, it’s a wrong line.”

I didn’t react immediately. The following weekend I went there but decided to leave very early. I told him I would travel the next morning with my parents and he believed me. Around 10pm, I went back to his house and knocked. He didn’t respond so I called his line until he picked up. I told him, “I’m at the door. I’ve changed my mind so please open the door.”

I stood there for several minutes and this guy couldn’t open the door. “Why can’t you open the door, Emma? What’s wrong with you? If you won’t open, I’m leaving but never in your life try to call or come close to me again.”

Maybe he thought I’d left. I was sitting at the door of the lady waiting. Emma opened the door and the lady stepped out. You could see clearly that they were fighting too. Immediately the lady saw me, her face changed. Emma was about to close his door when he saw me. I said, “You see your life? It’s the devil again, I guess? I left a few hours ago and you allowed the devil in, right?”

I walked through the dark to my house. It didn’t hurt like the first and the second cheating. By the time I got to the house, I knew what to do. I knew I deserved better and was going to give myself the chance to meet someone better.

When he called, I picked up. He was all over the phone trying to explain what happened. This time, it wasn’t the devil. He told me, “You know men are polygamous in nature. It takes discipline and a lot of prayers to change. The change won’t come one day. It might be slow but believe me I will change. It’s good all these are happening now before marriage. People marry and they still cheat. I swear you won’t get a husband like that in me.”

I retorted, “Men are polygamous, right? You think you’ve said something smart? Oh, I get it. So you cheat because you think cheating is inherent in men right? Thanks for telling me. I  know what to  do next time.”

My heart was out of the relationship but he kept coming until I said, “Let’s see how it goes.”

“Let’s see how it goes” because I was going to give another guy a chance. Marfo. He came into the picture not too long after I’d said yes to Emma. When I told him I was dating, he didn’t go away. We became friends and talked once in a while. He was always in the shadows asking me about life and what he could do to make it better. For two years he hung in there so I let him in when I realized there was no future for me and Emma.

I wasn’t sleeping with him. I was watching him to see what I could love about him. He was patient. He handled me as if I were a cracked egg. When I said no, he respected it. When I said yes, he took it as a win.

For three months after I’d said yes to him, this guy never mentioned sex in our conversations. I’d been in his house twice and he didn’t make a move. When he wanted a kiss, he asked for it. I said, “No you can’t have it. Maybe next time you can go for it instead of asking for it.”

When Emma saw that I was retracting from the relationship, he started beating the marriage drums. He said he was ready. For two years I’d proven my qualities to him and he thinks I’m the one he should marry. He asked, “When can we do the knocking? I’m eager to settle down by the end of next year.”

Can you believe this guy went to see my parents without my knowledge? Telling them we’d been dating for three years and that he was ready to marry me. My dad called on the phone to ask if I knew him and I denied knowledge of him. “Emma? Who is Emma? He said he has dated me for how many years? No, I don’t know him.”

I switched off my phone afterwards. Later, my dad told me they told him that they would ask about it from me first. When he came back and was talking about it I told him, “I’m not going to marry you. I’m seeing someone else. It’s been six months already. He’s taking his chances very well and I would like to see how it goes.”

He went berserk!

“You mean you’re sleeping with someone else all this while? What has come over you? I should have known it. No wonder everything has changed. Let me tell you, he’ll cheat on you. Is he not a man? You and I have crossed that line already and I came out a better man. You want to go and start from stage one again? Be wise!”

I thought that was it but he kept coming and coming until one day he met Marfo in my room. He came to sit down as if he owned the place. He tried hugging me, pretending he was the one and Marfo was the one invading the territory. Marfo said, “Ok, you have a visitor. I’ll go and come back later.” Emma retorted, “You won’t need to come back ever.”

READ ALSO: You Don’t Have To Tell Your Husband Everything

I held Marfo’s hand and pulled him down, “Sit down, you’re not going anywhere. If someone has to leave, it’s him. He came without telling me.”

He sat down and watched us exchanging words. Emma behaved like a classical ex and I was enjoying it. For the first time in our relationship, he was the one hurting and it brought this sense of joy to me. He was shouting, “What do you see in him? Does he have more money than I do? Let me tell you, money comes and goes. If it’s money, I will make a lot of it.”

Finally, I told him, “I’m glad you’ve caught me cheating with another man. You and I are the same just as you said so let’s leave it here. I left the relationship months ago. You were the one hanging on all these months. Now you know. It ends here.”

He went back to my parents and reported me to them that he caught me cheating and that they should call me and talk to me. My dad told him, “My daughter said she doesn’t know you so what are you talking about? How can she marry someone she doesn’t know?”

Right there he took his phone to call me. He was shouting. “You told your parents you don’t know me? What sort of human are you? How can you lie like that?” My dad took the phone from him to talk to me. I said, “You can arrest him. He’s tormenting my life.”

My dad made the job easier. Men listen to other men when they speak. My dad warned him to stay away from me if he didn’t want any police case. He listened and kept his distance.

One day he sent me a message—something that sounded like the final goodbye message. In the end, he said, “You’re more than a snake under grass. You were cheating on me but pretended I was the only cheat you know in this world. A woman who sleeps around, I pray I never meet one again.”

I didn’t want to respond but a line came into my head immediately. I said, “You said men are polygamous but forgot that women were created by the same God who made men polygamous. If you don’t know I’m telling you, God gave us polygamous genes too but it’s us who decided to suppress it. Once you started exercising your God-given polygamous right, I had no option but to try and exercise mine too. Ain’t we all children of the same God?”

I Will Change My Views About Sex | Silent Beads

Once he left the picture, I got a clear mind to love Marfo from an empty heart. A heart that was ready t let the last go and start from a clean slate. One year later, it’s proven that I didn’t make a mistake. Marfo has proven to be the man I can trust to carry me to the future. We did the knocking a couple of months ago and have currently started counselling. Our wedding date is fixed and very soon invitations would go out.

What more can I ask for?

—Baaba

******