If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.
Weeks after I shared my story here, I received a call from my dad. His voice was calm and reflective. He asked me, “For how long are you going to live with your friend?” I said, “As long as I’m ready to decide my next line of action.” He asked me, “You still don’t want to be married again?” I said, “I still don’t want to be married to a man who cheats on me and beat me just because I asked him questions about his cheating ways. Dad, I can’t. When I signed up for this marriage, I knew there would be trouble. I would have been the biggest fool if I ever thought I was going to have roses in my hair every day in my marriage. I dated him for three good years before we settled down. Dad, if he showed a single sign of abuse, I would have walked out of the relationship. But here we are. That side of him came up only when I’m committed to him.”
He sighed deeply. He was quiet for a long while. He said, “The devil is winning and that’s my heartbreak.” I said, “Dad you’re making excuses for him. Has he told you himself that it’s the work of the devil? If he told me that himself and apologized, I might have been considerate. He didn’t apologize and yet went ahead to beat me. Now tell me who is the devil here.” He was quiet again. He said, “We are praying about it. The God who has sustained my marriage to your mom and has also sustained the marriage of your siblings will show his face in yours. Everything will be calm. Don’t stop praying.”
I lived with my friend for over two months. He didn’t call to ask about me. I was still his wife but he didn’t care to find out how I was living my life after he abused me. One day, I went to his parents and told them everything. His father asked me repeatedly, “My son has a child elsewhere. You spoke about it and he beat you?” I answered, “I won’t lie to gain favor from anyone.” He asked me, “Are your parents aware of this development?” I said, “They’ve been aware since day one.” He asked, “And what did they do about it?” I said, “They think it’s a bad idea for me to leave my husband’s house. They say I should go back and pray about it.”
I saw him tapping on his phone. I thought he was going to call his son. He didn’t. He called my dad; “Mr. Mensah, you are aware of everything your daughter is going through in her marriage and you never told me anything about it?” I didn’t hear my dad’s answer. He told my dad, “I don’t even know my son has a child until your daughter came to tell me. You are aware my son had been beating your daughter?” That too, I didn’t hear my dad’s answer but I don’t believe he will lie. He told my dad, “And after all these problems you still push your daughter to go back to the marriage? That’s not fair. Can we meet tomorrow? I’m calling my son in tomorrow. I will be glad if you can come around.”
When he hung up the phone he said, “You’ve told me your part of the story. I will listen to my son’s part of the story too. If he indeed beat you as you’ve said. I will take you to the police station so you make a case against him. He’ll have to pay the price. He can cheat and go scot-free. He can impregnate ten different women and go scot-free. Beating you is against the law. I’ll help you to deal with him on that basis only if you’re ready to pursue.”
The next morning I was there before my husband came. He was looking good. He looked like he was being well taken care of. He greeted his parents and tried to avoid looking at me in the face. I was looking at him trying to get him to look at me but he didn’t. His father said, “Your wife’s parents are on their way. We will wait for them. He left the two of us in the hall. We were quiet. He slouched against the sofa and closed his eyes. He didn’t want his eyes to have anything to do with me. I picked my phone and started scrolling.
My parents entered. My husband’s parents also came back to sit down. My father-in-law said, “Obaa Rose, tell me everything you came to tell me yesterday. I heard you. If you try to change your story, I will call you a liar and will never trust you again. Now go ahead. I started from the first cheating that I forgave him. I concluded; “He had issues with me going through his phone than tackling what was at stake. I called him stupid. That was when he beat me.”
His father turned to him. “You have a child and we don’t know? When did you intend to tell us?” He was quiet. His father asked again, “Or you’re too ashamed of having a child outside of your marriage?” He was quiet. His father asked again, “You’ve lost your voice or you don’t want to talk?” He narrated his side of the story. He concluded, “I beat her because she called me stupid.” His father screamed, “But are you not stupid? You cheated he forgave you. Why did you apologize the first time when you were caught? Because you knew you were wrong. If the first was wrong, how can the second not be wrong? It’s only a stupid person who repeats the same mistake. After everything is said and done, I will help her lodge a complaint against you at the police station.” His father was uncontrollably angry. I said in my head, “This is a father.”
When it got to my father’s turn to speak he said, “The devil finds a way to destroy things that have a beautiful future. We don’t have to be hard on them. We have to go hard on our knees instead…” My in-law laughed. He said, “This is a clear case of a man being irresponsible. Let’s leave the devil out of it. If Rosemond was my daughter, This man here would have been behind bars by now. I won’t wait until he burns in hellfire after death.”
It went back and forth until my father-in-law asked him, ”Do you want your wife back or you’ll go ahead and marry the woman you had a child with? Or you just want to be free to spray children around?” He said, “I want my wife back.” My father screamed, “Praise God.” My in-law asked me, “Do you still want him? You people are Christians so you forgive easily. You still want him?” I answered, “I can’t say anything right now. I need to have a deep conversation with him. We need to agree on so many things and decide on what to do next. He has a child with another woman. We need to know how the two of us are going to deal with that situation. Dad, it’s not easy and simple. After the conversation, if I’m satisfied. Why not?”
My father-in-law said, “You make me proud anytime you speak. We’ll allow you two to have a discussion. Don’t be bullied. Don’t be pushed. Put your heart where it can smile. Forever is not a day’s journey.”
When we left, my father held me closer. He said, “He’s a man. his ego is bruised. Don’t go and make it worse. Start by apologizing to him. Calm him down before any talks can begin. If I were you, I won’t talk about it now until we are happy together before I will find a nice way to bring it up.” I asked him, “Happy together? How? I’m not moving in with him until we resolve our differences. I will go back to that house only when everything is well between us.” He said, “I’m your father. Listen to me when I talk to you. It looks like you don’t want this marriage to work.”
I was expecting my husband’s call after that conversation but he never called. I called him. He didn’t pick. He never called back. Two days later I called again. He didn’t pick. It took him a whole week to get back to me. He said, “She was here. I didn’t want to have a discussion in her presence that’s why I didn’t pick?” I asked, “She’s living with you now?” He said, “She’s gone back. She left here only yesterday.” I didn’t want to sound shocked but I was. I said, “Then there’s nothing to talk about, right? You live with her. Meaning she’s the one for you. Let’s not waste our time. Let me know when your family is ready, I’ll bring the drink. I’m not angry with you. We all make choices that we later regret. I bought a dress recently. I got home, put it on, and stood in the mirror. That was when I realized it didn’t look anything close to how I imagined it to be. I took it to the shop and got a new one. I can see our marriage in the same light. Just feel free.”
He said, “Give me some time to think about it.” I said, “There’s nothing to think about. I have made a decision based on what you just said. I can’t come and live in the same house you’ve brought another woman to. Neither can I sleep on that same bed and pretend everything is alright. I’ll give you time to think about how you want to go about the divorce but not the time to think about how to make a comeback. There’s nothing in here for us. She made you a child. Chill.”
He never called again until his father called me. He said, “Obaa Rose, forget about him and live your life wai. My son is plagued with too many afflictions. He doesn’t know what he wants. He wants that girl and still wants you. He asked me what if you are not able to give birth. Leave him and save your life. No one will judge you, not even the God we are scared to offend with our actions.”
The divorce is almost done. I’ve gone to the house twice to pick my belongings and each time I went there, the lady was there. The first time I saw her, she was wearing my dress. I laughed but she ran into the kitchen with her baby in her arms. I hold nothing against her because the reason for our breakdown wasn’t written in her stars.
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The day I shared my story, a lady made a comment that made me think twice about the kind of orientation women receive whiles growing up. My mother made the same comment so I wasn’t surprised when I saw another woman saying the same thing. The comment said, “You left your husband’s house because he cheated? Then it means you’ve failed the test God had for you in marriage. And the side chick has won.”
If she’s reading this, I have this for her. Marriage is not a competition between a wife and a side chick that one of us has to win. I dated him for three years before he married me. I won. My husband slept with her and had a child with her but she can’t place her hand on my husband and call him her own. So tell me, who lost? As a woman, if you see another woman who has a child and she tells you that she slept with another woman’s husband and got the child as a result, would you clap for her? So tell me. Who won? She’s not married to my husband yet. Maybe they’ll marry when I’m completely gone but until they marry they are not married. So she’ll go around as a single mother. As someone’s baby mama when she could have picked a man for herself and become someone’s wife. Tell me who lost.
I didn’t compete with a side chick and lost. I married a man who didn’t understand his mandate as a married man. God’s test for us was to live until death do us part—to grow old together and look back to our youthful days with fond memories. The test wasn’t about competing with a side chick. That’s too easy a test. And I believe every average wife can compete with a side chick and win. Wives win all the time.
–Rosemond
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I have never gone thru my wife or woman’s phone, I have never taken her call I will not start now or ever. The phone is hers and shall remain her private space. What she does on her phone is her matter. I won’t stress myself.
Too much hypocrisy in the comment section, wait until the same thing happens to you and let see how you can handle it,by the way I love how the guy’s father handled the situation,wish all father’s can stand on thier ground’s for their daughter’s like how he did.
Well said Zeeya. The hypocrisy is too much for me to contend with. Wait till the tables are turned, that’s when you hear fear women, women will show you and a whole lot. For a man to cheat on you,is egoistic,has the mind of a boy, beat you and bring another woman into your matrimonial home is reason enough to leave.