I had a boyfriend when Jude proposed to me. I’d known Jude since we were kids. At some point, he traveled and we lost touch. My job took me to Kumasi where Jude had always been. We established contact, became good friends and started meeting every now and then. That was when Jude proposed to me. I told him, “I’ve known you forever and you’re a great guy. I would love to date you in a blink but my current situation doesn’t allow me to do that. I have a boyfriend.”

There was a pain in his eyes but there was nothing I could do. I loved Andy. I had dated him for a long time and I wasn’t going to leave him for Jude no matter how good Jude was. We still stayed as friends and communicated on a daily basis. He became more than friends actually. I went to him with my problems and he was always there for me.

My relationship with Andy started suffering. He complained about the distance. He wanted to see me often than I could make myself available for. It was my work against my relationship. He said, “It’s always about your work. One day when your work is not there, who would you go to?” It wasn’t intentional. I loved him and wanted to see him every day but that meant I had to travel every day. I asked him, “Why don’t you make the effort to also come and see me some times? I might not always have the time but you do have time some times. Why don’t you come and see me?”

He made excuses. He never traveled from Accra to see me in Kumasi but he always expected me to do that trip. The distance became our enemy and we always fought about it. Some days we would not talk. The days will run into weeks and we’ll still not talk.

One day I traveled to Accra without telling him. I went to his house without telling him. We’ve had a fight the previous days and wanted to surprise him with my visit. “A hug. A kiss. A day together would make everything alright.” I thought. I knocked and I went in. He was shocked to see me. Of course, that was expected. And then his behavior didn’t add up. He wasn’t talking straight and he wasn’t acting straight.

There was another phone on charge in his room. I looked around. There was a purse and a handkerchief lying on the sofa. I got the message. There was another girl around. “Where is she?” I asked. He didn’t talk. I asked again, “Where is she?” I suspected she was in the bedroom but I was hoping my expectation was wrong. When he couldn’t answer my question, I tried walking to the bedroom. He stopped me. I got my answer. I walked out.

I was thinking he was going to follow me, call out my name and plead with me to stop. You know how they do it in the movies, right. The girl walks away. The guy runs after her crying and apologizing and asking her to stop. Yeah, I was thinking he was going to do the same. I deserved that because I’d always loved him truly. I felt he should quiver at the thought of losing me. I took several walks away hoping he would follow. I looked back and I was alone. He wasn’t following.

I went home. I cried. I slept very little afterward, woke up again and cried more. He called my phone; “Dear, it’s not what you think. She’s just a friend who passed by and decided to rest for a while. I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression that’s why I didn’t let you in.” I answered, “I’m happy for her. Not everyone gets tired and find a resting place. She did and I’m happy for her.”

The foundation of our relationship got shaky from that day on. We stopped fighting to keep it. Soon, we both went our separate ways. Jude was there for me. He gave me the shoulder to cry on. He encouraged me. He took me out often to help me to forget. Slowly I got over Andy. I was single and it was the perfect time for me to fall in love with Jude but guess what…

That was exactly the time Jude also found love in another woman. Sarah.

What a crazy world we live in. Just when you make space for good things to come into your life, good things pass you by. Good men come your way only when you’re already dating. Immediately you’re single, every good man is engaged. Silly world.

I wished Jude well. Truly I did. He deserved his own happiness regardless of what I was going through. We still stayed friends and met often when time allowed us.

Somewhere in January this year, Jude called me; “Doreen, I don’t think this is working. I don’t think it’s ever going to work between me and Sarah. We’ve dated for barely one year and we’ve broken up twice already. This is the third time we are breaking up and it’s final!”

It was my turn to provide the crying shoulder. It was my turn to help him forget his pain. I had to be available for him so I was. He didn’t cry like I did but his pains were palpable. He spoke about how much he loved her and how he thought they were both going to live life together. He was a man in pain and it showed.

So this February, I started making plans. Valentine was coming and I decided it was going to be the right time for me and Jude to start something together. For once, the world was right. It wasn’t silly. It had a perfect spin and the stars aligned. I was available. Jude was available. We only had to take advantage of the situation and I was ready.

So a week before Valentine’s day, we both scheduled a date. He was happy about it. It was obvious in his voice that he had something to say and I knew the day was going to end with us together as lovers. On Val’s day last Friday, I packed his gift in a box and wrapped it in red, I couldn’t wait to meet him. I got to his house, knocked on the door and he came to open. He gave me this dry smile. Well, I expected something better than that but never mind. He said, “Come and let me introduce you to someone.”

“Introduce? Someone?” I went in, he took the gift from my hand and said thank you. That was when I saw who was in the room. Sarah. His ex. Jude said, “Doreen, here is Sarah. We settled our differences. We are now back together.”

The voices in my head went quiet. I was there but I wasn’t there. All of a sudden, I felt empty. Like a deflated balloon.

It was an awkward moment for me but I couldn’t afford to let my guard down. So I said, “Wow, that’s great to hear. I’m glad you both are back together.” The smiles on my face were only inches deep. My heart was burning but I acted my way through.

I couldn’t wait to leave. I told them, “I passed by to deliver this gift. Time to leave you lovebirds alone.”

My head was heavy as I was walking away. Even my footsteps were all over the place. It was still a silly world after all. Nothing had changed. The world keeps playing silly pranks on us but to whose amusement? When I was leaving his house on Friday, I knew one thing for sure; that I wasn’t going to come back into his life again. It was love I went for and that love was no more.

Doreen, Ghana

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