As humans, we are wired to receive and give sexual pleasure. I believe it is one of the demands of our biology. Usually, men say they have a higher drive to seek physical intimacy than women do. Maybe it’s because they haven’t experienced ovulation before. Ladies, why don’t we talk enough about ovulation horniness? 

Sometimes, the desire becomes so strong that I start to wonder if my body has a mind of its own. It does not work when I try to take my mind off it. I have a busy life but no amount of busyness would quench the fire in my loins. There are days I wake up wet.

I know it’s just a natural function of my body but feeling this strongly for five days straight is not good for my Christian life. Sometimes when I become too overwhelmed by my hormones I ease the tension a little bit by pleasuring myself. 

It helps make me feel better. However, I noticed that whenever I indulge in this activity, something goes wrong in my life. There were times when my kids fell sick. Other times I encountered some financial trouble. Outside these two, I always experienced something that caused me psychological stress. So far, the timings of these incidents have coincided with the times I chose to satisfy my intimate needs by myself. 

Now, I have concluded that it is God’s way of warning me to abstain from these acts. So I am learning to discipline myself. 

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A year ago I wasn’t suffering like this. My husband was here in the country with me. He has only been gone for a year but I miss him badly. 

When he was here he was always all over me. I also never withheld myself from him. I gave it to him even when I was in a bad mood, stressed, or sick. I would tell him, “I am yours. Feel free to devour me.” And we would both laugh. 

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In case you are wondering, no I wasn’t a baddie before marriage. Although I was no virgin, I was also not particularly enthused about sex. I only got into it after marriage. Even with that, I never knew I could miss it to the point where I’d feel like I would explode if I didn’t get laid. 

I’ve spoken to him about how badly I miss him but as usual, we made jokes and laughed about it. There is not much we can do about the situation anyway. He is there and I am here. I can only stay strong and never lose sight of everything I have to lose if I play lose.

—Ivory

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