My mom died two weeks ago. I’d never known pain worse than her death. I’ve given birth to two kids, but labor pain can’t compete with the pain I’m going through currently. I would go to work and cry my head off. My colleagues complained I wasn’t making consistent, sane arguments and I got angry easily. I took leave from work and came home to mourn in a healthy way without affecting others.

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I would wake up and not feel like doing anything because I’d been crying throughout the night. My husband came home from work and didn’t like the fact that I was still in the kitchen cooking. I apologized but cooked and served him anyway. In the morning, he complained about my lateness in waking up. Every step of the way, he tried to put pressure on me to come back to life.

I could understand he was trying, but I was trying too. Until he told me, “People die all the time. Did your life come to an end when your father died? Why are you behaving like your world has come to an end because your mom died?”

Since my mom died, he has been there but hasn’t said any word to console me or to show sympathy or even tell me it would be alright. He only expressed shock when my mom died, and that was it. Even when he sees me crying, he looks at me as if I’m doing something despicable. I didn’t blame him until he said those words.

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Currently, I’m mourning my mom and also mourning the words of my husband. We had fought about this. I was expecting him to say sorry, but he kept repeating those words just to emphasize the truth in them. Home is where I thought I would have some peace to mourn, but it turned out the office was even better.

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I don’t want to see him around. I don’t want to smell the air around him because he makes me want to put up a good face so he wouldn’t complain. The kids are on vacation, so I’ve bundled them up and am currently staying with my elder sister. It hurts more now that I’m thinking about it. I don’t know what he would do or say for me to forgive his insensitivity toward my plight.

—Edith

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