two black women talking

Philip didn’t fit into the description of what I wanted in a man. I wanted a tall man but Philip is short. I needed a man who has his own but Philip was broke and still broke. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of me, so let me explain. I don’t like broke men but I don’t also date men for their money. I prefer to have a man who can help himself and also extend a helping hand whenever I’m in trouble. I won’t come and ask for money but knowing that you have it and can help when the need arises gives me a sense of security.

Philip lacks all these qualities yet, I bent my own rules just to be with him because he had something else a lady like me loves. He has presence, he looked future-oriented and acted like a man who’ll make it in the near future. It’s the reason I didn’t look at his present. I looked at him and couldn’t help but think, “Well, he’s not that bad. Who knows, he might be the frog I have to kiss to turn into prince charming.” He had a way he looked at me that also helped his agenda so when he asked for my contact, I didn’t swing my head. I hurriedly gave it to him and he also gave his to me.

We had some interesting conversations after that day. The vibe was good. The aura was alluring. It didn’t take long for us to start going out on dates. We often met at bars to drink and chat. Fun was never absent whenever we were together. We would enjoy each other’s company so much that it became a struggle to say goodbye. “I wish our time together would go on forever,” he would say. “Me too,” I would respond.

We started hanging out at his place. I saw how he took care of his space and how he brought care whenever I was with him. I couldn’t help but think “Damn, this guy is the definition of a perfect gentleman. Is what I’m feeling love or I’m just being carried away by emotions?” Honestly, I wish I could use images or emojis to describe the intensity of the love I had for him and the good thing was, he didn’t make me feel my love for him was one-sided. He did and said things that made me believe that he loved me as much as I loved him.

When I asked what he did for a living, he told me he worked in the MTN office in our neighbourhood. “The salary is good,” he explained, “but I am supporting myself through medical school and medical school is very expensive. That’s why I am currently broke.” I got an explanation for his brokeness and I sympathized with him. It was for a good cause and a man who works and schools at the same time can’t be called lazy so I was very impressed. So impressed that when he gave me excuses for being too busy to see me, I understood him.

A year into our relationship, we were at his place when a lady walked into the house. She didn’t knock and she didn’t greet when she entered. Her facial expressions and demeanour told a story of a woman at war though I didn’t know who she was fighting against and the reason for the war. I turned to Philip and asked, “Who is that, and why is she here looking like that?” He whispered, “She is my crazy ex-girlfriend. She came here to collect her stuff.”

His explanation didn’t make sense but I kept quiet to see what would happen. In a few minutes, this supposed ex-girlfriend started arguing with my boyfriend in a language I didn’t understand. While I was trying to read their body language to understand what was going on, the lady concluded the argument by saying in English, “I am going to the kitchen. Blood will spill today if she doesn’t leave here.”

Huh? Blood? Whose blood? I was confused and also terrified. “What is going on here, Philip?” He responded, “Relax, don’t pay attention to her. She can’t do foko.” I couldn’t register anything he was saying. The mention of blood spilling had me wrapped in fear. I took my closest belongings I could find and run out of his place. My blood was too young to be spilt because of love. He didn’t follow me and he didn’t do anything to suggest that he would protect me if push came to shove.

He called me later when I was far gone. He asked me, “I hope you are not put off by my dramatic ex. She is very toxic. That’s why I broke up with her. I am surprised that she popped up after all these months to cause a scene. She hates to see me happy, and you make me very happy.”

He told me the lady was still at his place but she was going to leave soon. The whole situation felt messy to me and it didn’t also help that I didn’t understand the language the two of them were speaking. I loved him so I understood him and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was the first issue we had faced in the relationship and I wasn’t going to allow that to define who we become. Later in the evening, he came to my place. He was apologetic. He assured me that everything was going to be fine between us. I was okay with everything he told me until I needed some stuff I left at his place.

I told him, “I was in a hurry when your ex came around so I couldn’t pick up everything. My makeup kit and a couple of things were left in your room. Can you please go and get them for me? I need them.” He shook his head. He told me, “I am sorry but I can’t go for it now. My ex is still there. She’s livid and has threatened to kill me if I send her away. I can’t stand to be around her right now.”

A man is scared that his ex-girlfriend would harm him? To the extent that he would leave his own house for her? That sounded extreme. “What kind of ex is she that she has this much power over him?” I told him, “Don’t worry. I will go and pick the things myself. How can you be intimidated by a woman? You of all people.” He tried to talk me out of going to his place. He held me and persuaded me not to go there. “That girl is dangerous ooo. I don’t want to come and pick up your corpse from my house. Why don’t you listen to me?” I didn’t listen to him. When he wasn’t looking, I left the room and quietly set off to his place.

When I got there and knocked, the lady came to welcome me. She was sober. She didn’t look like the woman I met in the morning. She offered me a seat. I was there to pick up my things but she asked that we talk. She started, “I am sure you have questions. I also have questions of my own. I don’t know what he told you about me but ask me anything you want and I will answer you honestly.” The first question was, “What’s your relationship with Philip?” She sighed. She said,” I wish I knew what he told you but let me explain. Philip is my boyfriend. We’ve been here for a long time. I don’t know why he did what he did but don’t believe anything he says.”

She told me not to believe anything he says so I tried to interrogate her on everything Philip had ever told me. I asked about his job with MTN and she laughed. “He told you that he works with MTN? That’s a huge lie. I know he’s not proud of his job but I didn’t think he would go that far to lie to someone he’s dating.”

“How about the fact that he’s in medical school? Is that also a lie? He told me he pays for medical school with his MTN salary. Don’t tell me that’s a lie.”

READ MORE: I Went For A Nursing School Interview And Came Back With A Husband

She burst out laughing. Right there I knew that story he told me was also a lie. She said, “This guy can lie. He stole a piece of my story and sold it to you as his. Philip doesn’t know what it feels like to be in medical school. If you see medical books around here, they are mine. I’m the one in medical school. And you allowed him to feed you with all those lies? What other lie did he tell you?”

At this point I was dumbfounded. It turned out that almost half the things I thought I knew about Philip were lies. I wasn’t the only one he was lying to. While he was assuring me that the lady wouldn’t come between us, he was apologising to her about the encounter with me. He even told her that he blocked me. He left the house that evening with the excuse that he was going to work but ended up at my place. After all the revelations, I couldn’t say anything more to the lady. I was just crying like a baby. I told her I was grateful and left.

The Problem Started When I Spent The Money I Found In His Laundry–Beads Media

When I came back, he was there. He asked what happened and I told him, “Nothing happened. I just went for my things and I’m here.” He asked, “She didn’t harm you? She didn’t try to pick a fight with you? She didn’t ask you any questions?” I shook my head without saying another word. I was filled with rage and wanted to kick him in the head or slap the lies out of his face but that wouldn’t be enough to compensate for all the lies he has told me.

It’s been days but I still haven’t told him about the encounter with his girlfriend. He still doesn’t know that I know about all his lies and other hidden agenda. He still calls me babe and still behaves as if we are dating. Maybe he’s dating me but I’m not. I’m here with him today because I want to hurt him. I want to do something that will hurt him the same way he hurt me. I don’t know yet what I want to do to him but in the midst of chaos and anger in my heart, is a flickering light of love for him. I know it doesn’t sound reasonable but there’s a part of me that’s still in love with him. My brain gets the message that he is poisonous to my mental health but my heart still says, “Love him because there’s no perfect man. How do I kill this feeling for him? This feeling of want, attachment, need to be with him and all? If I hurt him, will this feeling leave me alone? Or I will hurt him and still feel the need to be with him?

—Mary Anne

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