Eric has been obsessed with having a baby since we started dating over a year ago. I am currently in my final year at the university but he is out of school and working. We are both in different places in life. I explained this to him several times but he didn’t want to accept it.

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One day we were talking about it when I asked, “What’s the rush? I am only twenty-two and still in school. How do you expect me to have a baby and start a family right now? You are not even at an age where you should be desperate to have a child. I have never seen a twenty-six-year-old man who badly wants to saddle himself with responsibilities.”

He defended his stance and said he was ready. “I don’t want to be taking my toddler to school while I am in my forties. I want to grow alongside my kids.”

I understood him but I didn’t believe he meant what he was saying. Even if he did, I felt it was just wishful thinking. Once reality set in he would sober up. So I decided to put him to test.

When I was seeing him off at the bus station for a work-related trip, I told him, “I’m pregnant,” just to see how he would react. To my surprise, he was happy. We talked more about the “pregnancy” the entire time he was away. He would ask questions about my body.

“Are you having morning sickness?”

“How do you feel when you exert yourself so much?”

“You should start taking folic acids and iron.”

“We need to get a good hospital for antenatal care.”

His dedication made me feel guilty. Indeed, he was not joking about having a baby. I knew there was no way I could keep up the lie for long. So the next month when I got my period I told him, “I am bleeding.”

He asked more questions and I added another layer of lie to the one I had already told him. I said I miscarried. “Are you sure?” he asked, “Sometimes people still get their period when they are still young pregnant but to be safe, go to the hospital and let’s know what’s going on.”

I pretended to have gone and told him, “It’s true. The doctor said the baby is gone. They had to flush out the residue.”

When he returned from his trip he asked to see medical scans and documentation. “I need to understand what went wrong.”

Well, what choice did I have?

I concocted another lie. I said I went to the hospital with my mother. “I was in pain so she handled everything. The medical records are still with her.”

He seemed to have accepted what I said and let the matter rest for a while. However, he kept talking about having a baby. “Let’s get pregnant again,” he would say.

The more he spoke about it the bigger my guilt grew. I couldn’t keep the truth hidden any longer. One day I lost it and came clean. I told him everything.

How the lie started to the point where it escalated so I just had to keep it up.

“How can you do this?”

“Why would you toy with my mind and my feelings this way? Am I a joke to you?”

He reported me to his best friend, and older brother, both of whom knew me well.

I was at home when his brother called me asking for explanations. I explained everything to him. “I didn’t mean for things to get this far. I just wanted to see if indeed, he was serious about wanting a baby.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have done that but this is not something that should end your relationship. I will talk to him.”

Less than two minutes after he ended the call, I got a text from Eric.

“It’s over.”

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I tried to get him to change his mind but he refused. He said he would have preferred it if I had kept lying. “I would have been fine not knowing that you are capable of creating and carrying out such an elaborate lie. Now the trust is gone. I don’t see you in the same light anymore.”

It’s true. I could have kept up the lie but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want my deception to be a stain on what we had. Why can’t he see that I meant no harm so we can carry on with our lives?

I Was The Man In The Relationship And He Didn’t Like It

We’ve been through so much together. We started planning our futures around each other. We bought online accounts as a couple, supported each other through financial struggles, and persevered through challenges. Shouldn’t this mean anything to him?

I am struggling to move on. I still love him.

—Makoma

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