I liked him right from the start when we were just friends. He gave a lot of clues indicating that he liked me too so I was waiting for the day he would propose to me. Three months, four months, six months later, this guy was just around me trying only to be a friend. I remember telling my friend, Joyce; “In my mind, I’ve given him only two weeks, if he doesn’t propose, I’m going to be the one to propose.” She laughed and said, “Maybe he’s shy. Just give him some time and see.”

That same week he proposed. I gave a loud sigh of relief. He asked, “Are you ok?” I took a sip of the drink in front of me and said, “Yeah I’m ok. I’m only tired of waiting.” He asked, Tired of waiting? How?” I said, “Don’t worry, I’m ok.” He asked, “So what do you say to what I just told you?” I said, “I have to think about it and see if this will work for us.” But that very day on our way home, he tried to kiss me and I kissed back. I told him, “I’ve kissed you so I guess it answers everything.” He said, “So we are dating? You mean you’re my girlfriend now?” I nodded. He held my hand and said thank you. “I will do all I can to make you happy.”

Right from the day I met him and we became friends, everything had been nothing but amazing. He had provided for me when he didn’t need to. He had bought things for me that I didn’t ask him to and most importantly, he had looked into my eyes and asked, “Are you ok?” At that very moment, I wasn’t ok. I was going through a lot that I wasn’t ready to share but for him to just look at me and know that I wasn’t ok felt so good to me. So, I smiled and said, “You really know me that well, don’t you?” He said, “At least, I know anytime you see me you smile but you didn’t smile this time so I guessed something was wrong.”

These were the little reasons why I wanted him to be my boyfriend even when he hadn’t proposed. Things were very fine between us when we started dating. We laughed a lot and shared a lot of secrets. When something didn’t go well with him at the office, I was the first person he called and talked to. I did the same with him. We were fine in all aspects of our lives except that I didn’t know any member of his family. We had dated for a year. Everything showed we were heading somewhere. He had met my mom and dad and they liked him. He knew everyone in my family but I didn’t know anyone.

I didn’t blame him. He was in Keta because his job brought him there. All he had were his colleagues at work and some friends he made since he came to town. I knew all these friends and had hung out with all his colleagues to know all of them. We planned to go and visit his family at the right time but times were never right. From Keta to Obuasi wasn’t a journey we could just wake up and go. It needed planning. So, I gave him time to make things right so we could travel to see his family in Obuasi.

He had a terrible mood swing some times. That was the only thing I didn’t like about him. Sometimes he would switch off for days and nothing would make him talk or smile. I would keep asking what the issue was and he’ll keep telling me that everything was fine. If you love someone, you love his good side and also learn to embrace his bad side. I embraced that while thinking of the best way to take him out of it. We were two years old together when we finally took the trip to Obuasi to meet his parents. They were happy to see me. Her mom called me beautiful. His father said, “You went and brought obroni home, well done.”

We spent four days in Obuasi, long enough for me to meet some of his childhood friends and other family members. That journey became the turning point in our relationship. When we came back to Keta, he said, “Now let’s get plans underway. What and what should we do to be able to get married in the coming year?” One day his family travelled from Obuasi to Keta to meet my family. The marriage process was triggered. We started putting one and one together to be able to get there.

And then we started counselling.

In our first counselling session, the pastor asked, “Is there something each of you is hiding from each other?” He asked that question three times and each time I answered, “I don’t have anything to hide.” But I realized he was thinking about it. So, the pastor kept throwing it at him. He said, “Whatever it is, this is the point to say it. This is the point we can discuss and ask for forgiveness if we ought to.”

He said, “I have something to say.” We were all ears. He said, “This happened long ago but I haven’t been able to tell her. I have a son. He’s five years old. The mother ran away with him to Canada so I haven’t seen him since.” I was shocked. I had my mouth opened throughout when he was talking. There was dead silence. He hadn’t finished. He said, “There’s a daughter too. She’s three years old.” I screamed, “But we’ve dated for three years so when did that happen?”

Another round of dead silence.

The pastor asked him, “So why haven’t you told her all this while?” He said, “I was always planning to tell her but sometimes I forgot. And those kids are not a problem to our relationship, maybe that’s why.” I’d wanted to leave there and then. The way my heart was racing I thought I will drop down and die. “How could you do that? How could you? How could you do that?” When I opened my mouth, that was all I could say. The pastor asked me, “What are you going to do?” I said, “I can’t think. Everything is bleak. I need to think about something. I need to talk to my family.”

He knelt down and started begging me. “Please don’t leave. Please don’t do anything to destroy us. I’m ready to do everything so this doesn’t affect our marriage.” I asked permission and left. He followed. Talking and pleading. Pulling me to stop so we talk. I didn’t say anything. I just walked away, entered my room and cried like a baby. I called Joyce. I said, “He has kids.” She screamed, “What! How did you know? So what are you going to do about it?” “I’ll need hundred years to figure out what I’m going to do about it. I’m dying, I swear.” She said, “Think about it, if you can’t, don’t give it a chance and later regret it.”

That evening, he came around. I asked him questions, he answered. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier,” I asked. He said, “I thought…I thought….I thought…” I said, “it’s ok. Just leave me alone.”

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Two days later, I went to my pastor and told him I couldn’t continue with the marriage. He asked, “Have you guys talked about it enough?” I said, “There’s nothing to talk about actually. I didn’t set off to marry a man with two kids. This news changes the dynamics of the relationship. It changes the future and it changes the present. I foresee it would bring a fight at some point. I can’t. I just can’t.” He asked, “Do your parents know?” I said, “I only have to tell them and they’ll support me.”

My dad said, “He’s a coward. Leave him. A man who can’t declare his asset to his woman is not worth it.” My mom was sad. She said, “He looks like someone who wouldn’t kill a fly.” He came to my parents to ask them to talk on his behalf but my mind was already made up and I told him point-blank that nothing would make me change my mind.

You remember he said his firstborn was in Canada? That was a lie. The girl he had that child with came to live with his parents and he used the opportunity to impregnate the girl. The girl went back to her parents in the village and that was where she lived but this guy said she was in Canada. How many other lies did he tell me? I have no regret. He’s not my enemy. We talk. He wants me to reconsider my stand. He wants a comeback but at this point in my life, nothing will make me go back to that kind of relationship.

–Perfect 

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