I am a teacher in my mid-thirties. About six years ago I met Ken through a mutual friend. He was very dreamy and right in every way. He was handsome, rich, kind, and very generous. Ours was the kind of relationship that was filled with bliss. He took me to fancy restaurants and expensive hotels. Initially, I thought it was all part of the honeymoon phase and that we would settle into a routine in no time. But it wasn’t so. He never took me to his house and I lived with my mum so we couldn’t spend time at my place either. Ken wasn’t obsessed with shuperu so we mostly met in public places to talk and enjoy each other’s company. Then every once in a while, we’d go on a getaway and spend time in a hotel. 

I enjoyed every moment with him but it got to a point I wanted things to feel real. I wanted to know him on a personal level. To get to see where he lived. You know what they say, “You can tell more about a person by how they keep their home.” But Ken kept giving me excuses as to why he couldn’t take me home. Sometimes we would fix a date for me to visit him and he would cancel last minute. I became frustrated and often complained, “I feel like our relationship is not real. All the time we spend going to fancy places is wonderful but I want to spend time with you in a normal home.” He assured me, “Don’t worry, we’ll fix that.” 

I was happy to hear him say that because I thought I was finally going to know where he lived. One day we were out on a date when he asked me, “What do you think about getting your own place? I am willing to pay for it if you are ready to take the step.” I was more than ready to move into my own place. The only thing holding me back was money. So when he offered to pay for it I jumped at the opportunity. I got a nice and cosy place and he kept his word and paid for all expenses involved. We started spending time at my place and only went out occasionally. Somehow Ken found a way to give me what I wanted without taking me to his house. It kept me quiet for a while but hey, I came back to my senses eventually. I started asking him questions, “Why don’t you want to take me home? What are you hiding?” My questions never got answered. 

A little after he paid my rent he asked if I had plans of going back to school. “Yes, I do.” I replied, “I have been saving for it.” He offered, “Apply for the school you want to attend and I will take care of the bills.” I was surprised but I wasn’t going to question a gift horse in the mouth. I applied for the school and again, he kept his word and paid the bill. Upon all this, he gave me money regularly and bought me gifts. I was living a fairytale and it was magical. Months came and grew into years, yet I never visited my boyfriend. In as much as I was happy with our relationship, I was anxious. I felt he was hiding something from me or he was hiding me for some reason. Occasionally I would ask him, “So when do I get to see your place? When do I meet your family? I introduced you to my mother yet I don’t know where you live.” He always came up with something smart and evasive in response which only increased my anxiety. 

About a year ago, he gave me keys to one of his houses. It was a four-bedroom house located in a pricey neighbourhood. I teach in a private school and I know for a fact that it would take me years of hard work and side hustles to afford a house like that. But Ken just handed it over to me to live in with my mother. It wasn’t mine to keep but he said we could live there for four years. “Why are you doing all this for me? We’ve been together for five years yet you avoid the topic of marriage. I still haven’t met your family but you keep doing these grand gestures. What’s your endgame?” He smiled and shook his head, “Women. You’ve been pestering me to take you to my house and now I’ve given you my house but you’re still not satisfied?” That statement made me feel I was being ungrateful so I decided to confront the issue later. 

Earlier this year, I thought about my relationship with him and realized that, although he was helping me grow in life, our relationship was not heading in any direction. So I pulled a prank on him and told him that I was pregnant. I felt his reaction to the news would at least reveal something about his intentions. To my surprise, he was excited about the false news. He asked me to keep it and I asked him, “Are you going to marry me if I keep it? I don’t want to have a baby out of wedlock.” That was when he said, “You know I love you but I won’t be able to marry you. I already have a wife. We’ve been struggling to conceive for so many years now. And when we do, they result in miscarriages.” Imagine how crushed and disappointed I felt. I gave this man six years of my life only for him to confess that he was married. I also told him that the pregnancy was a prank.

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However, after that conversation, he’s been asking me to give him a child. If he wasn’t someone’s husband I would have done it in a heartbeat. But now I can’t imagine myself having his kids. The magic has worn off and I understand now that everything he did for me wasn’t entirely selfless. He wants a baby from me in return but what he didn’t know is that I’m on birth control. I have tried to break up with him but he is refusing to accept it. He says he loves me too much to let me go. And I don’t doubt him at all. I even told him once, “I seriously don’t want to have a baby out of wedlock. So marry me and make me a second wife if you want me to give you a child.” He said, “I can’t. I don’t want two wives.” He said he doesn’t want to hurt his wife. He speaks only good things about her and he goes out of his way to make sure she doesn’t find out about me. 

 Recently I told him that I can’t conceive so it would be best if he goes for another lady to use for a child. He wouldn’t listen, “If you are certain you can’t conceive then you should go to the hospital and see a specialist. Besides, you should know that if I was only with you for a child I would have left by now. I mean it when I say I love you and even if you don’t get pregnant for me, my feelings won’t change.” Ken trusts me so much that if I tell him I’m pregnant today, he won’t ask for proof of paternity. I know he will take good care of me and the baby too but I will never allow myself to get pregnant. I want to cut him off but how can I do that when I’m living in his house with my mother? 

He has been trying hard to convince me to stay with him. He even said he would do anything I want. And I told him I want to travel out of the country but he refused to help me do that. “You want to travel abroad so that you can dump me? I am not helping you to do that.” I feel frustrated because deep down I still love him. I am not able to date other men because of him. And I am not getting any younger. People are even starting to talk, “Why are you still single? Is your boyfriend not going to marry you?” I don’t know which way to go. Do I cut him off and lose the comfort he gives me? Or do I continue to stay with him as a mistress? I am very confused.

—K.K

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