All I have ever wanted for myself is the love of a good man who will appreciate my Christian values and my decision to remain sexually pure until marriage. I remember my first boyfriend, Kwao. I was in school when he proposed love to me. He was a good man, that was what I knew about him. I explained my chastity rules to him and he said, “No problem. You are worth the wait.” I was happy that all the negative stereotypes about virgins weren’t going to affect my search for love.

A few months into the relationship, he asked me, “When are you taking me home? I want us to start the marriage preparations as soon as possible.” I was so happy to hear this. When I took him to meet my father, he asked for a list so he could bring his family to come and perform the knocking rites. My father turned him away. “My daughter is in school, can’t you see? Why would you marry a school child?” Herh! I was disappointed. I was angry that my dad would turn away a man who wanted to marry me.

Little did I know that this man was saving me from a liar. Yes, that’s right. A few weeks after that awful experience with my father, Kwao called to tell me; “I want you to know that this relationship is over. I never loved you. I only wanted to sleep with you but you kept insisting you would keep yourself for marriage. Keep your body. I have impregnated another lady and I am going to marry her.” It hit me like a malfunctioned train. Sure, our relationship had its ups and downs but I didn’t expect it to end like this. As if I wasn’t in enough pain, this guy sent me their wedding invite. I thought I would never stop crying.

After Kwao, I told myself I wouldn’t get involved with any man again until I was sure their intentions were genuine. Then came Justice. He had this rugged look that swept me off my feet. Unlike Kwao, he didn’t hide his intentions. He never missed the opportunity to tell me, “If I get you, I will eat you.” It was a red flag for me but I hoped I could change his mind about waiting. One day I went to visit him and he almost forced himself on me. That was an eye-opener. When I got home I told him, “If you can’t wait till marriage then we can’t be together anymore.” This guy responded, “That’s why I want to impregnate you. That way you won’t be here devising ways to leave me. With two children, no man would want you. You would be stuck to me forever.” That was my cue to walk away from him.

The next man who came into my life was a married man. Why would a married man want me if not for my body? I knew I wouldn’t give it to him so I didn’t bother. There were a few bad relationships after that. I got tired of the disappointment so I spent the next few years turning away men. I just didn’t want any more drama until I was mentally and emotionally ready to put myself back out again.

While my relationship troubles were going on, there was family drama happening on the side. I have a younger sister who is very promiscuous. Nothing my parents did to help her change worked. At thirteen, this child came home with a pregnancy. When my parents traced the father of the unborn child, the trail led them to two men. That wasn’t even the saddest part. These men were siblings. My parents couldn’t allow her to have the baby knowing that she had been sleeping with two brothers. So they got rid of it for her.

After that situation, they brought in a prophet to pray for her. We were all hoping her behaviour was due to demon possession so that an intense prayer session would deliver her. When the pastor came home, my sister refused to be prayed for. My parents had to talk to her for about an hour before she agreed. In the middle of the prayer session, the spirit started manifesting through my mother. It said a lot of things. One of which was, that the person responsible for our family problems is my dad’s half sister. It said she was the reason my sister was the way she was. The same person was said to cover my face spiritually with a mask. And that was why I couldn’t keep a man.

The prophet prayed over water and asked my dad to give it to my sister to drink. He also prayed for me and said, “Now that we’ve prayed you are free. The mask is gone. You will meet three men in your life after this who will be of great help to you. The first man especially, he will be good to you and he will make you happy.” I had faith that if indeed my failed relationships were caused by spiritual entities then the God that I serve had delivered me from them.

After many years of staying single, I met Collins. We hit it off right from the moment we met. The vibe was good. I remember what the prophet said about the first man I would meet and I kept an open heart. We talked all the time until I agreed to be his girlfriend. From that moment, this guy wouldn’t call me. When I complained he said, “Oh, is that what you want? I should be calling you every day? Okay, I will do it.” It sounded as if he didn’t want to talk to me, but I was forcing him to do it. And to prove my point, he called me for two days straight and stopped.

The relationship was so dry. We couldn’t even have conversations because whenever I called this guy, he would say, “I just closed from work. I am on my way home. Let me call you back.” I would text him but he wouldn’t respond. One day he called me at a time when I was having severe period cramps. All he said was sorry. I didn’t hear from him till two days had passed. When I finally sent him a message asking why I hadn’t heard from him he replied, “You are complaining that I didn’t call you but did you also call me?” I was hurt.

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“If your girlfriend tells you she is unwell, shouldn’t you call to at least ask if she is better?” I asked him. I sent him three voice notes telling him how I felt. “I don’t like the way you make me feel like I have to force myself on you.” His only response was, “We will have time for this.” He didn’t take me seriously. Later he even said he didn’t have time to listen to my voice notes. This only means he doesn’t even care about what I have to say to him.

Right now the relationship is nonexistent. We haven’t officially broken up but I know it’s over. I am wondering if the mask has been removed as the prophet assured me. He was the same person who said the first man I would meet after the prayers would make me happy. Well, this one turned out to be worse than the others in my past. My sister who was supposed to be delivered from the spirit of promiscuity at some point, left home. We had to roam from clubs to hotels before we found her and brought her home. She is even threatening to run off again. If all these problems are spiritual, and we’ve been praying incessantly, why hasn’t God come to our rescue yet?

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

I don’t know what kind of prayers I should pray anymore. As for fasting, it has become second nature to me. I am not saying I am holier than thou, but I do my best to live my life according to the word of God. So why won’t God have mercy and deliver me?

I am tired. I have decided not to date again. I am a midwife currently waiting for my posting. My goal is to make money and then go for artificial insemination so that I can have kids and raise them on my own. I don’t want to risk any man breaking my heart again. Maybe the reason it seems my prayers are unanswered is because God has called me to a life of singlehood. If that is the case, then I will serve him single and chaste, for the rest of my days.

—Mona

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