I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for close to 7 years. He’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. We are two imperfect beings trying to make things work. Problems come and we find a way to resolve things. We always resolve our issues. It’s the reason we are still here after seven years. Deep down, I know he is a good person because he means well. My only concern is how he behaves toward my money—my money for that matter.

Every time he senses that I have money, he finds a way to borrow the money from me. Something would happen in his life that would require urgent money. It could be a problem at work that requires urgent money to resolve. His sister may be sick and they’ll need urgent money. It could be anything at all and it happens all the time when money comes into my hand. He would come to me and talk softly with a promise to repay me sooner than later. I will give him the money and he’ll never payback.

The time for payback would come and he’ll pretend as if he wasn’t the one who borrowed money from me. I won’t keep quiet because I didn’t dash t honey to him. I would walk to him and say something like, “You said you were going to pay me today. Here I am. Put the money in my hand and let me go.” It will turn into an argument. I will demand my money and he’ll say anything at all not to pay. He’ll often tell me, “I want you to be part of my hustle. Someday, when I make it, I want to proudly point at you and say you were with me when I had nothing.”

It makes sense the way he says it. I’m that kind of woman. I believe in building a life with my partner. I believe we have to water each other until we achieve the growth we desire. So he always gets me when he makes that statement. I’m supporting his hustle. It’s the reason he doesn’t pay what he owes me. I’ve bought into that idea. Sadly. There are times I offer him help when he hadn’t even asked for it. I do it for love. The things we do for love sometimes know no reasoning and boundaries.

He has a job that earns him money. When he gets money, he uses it for investments. We have to depend on mine because mostly he doesn’t have physical cash on him. Sometimes when he tells me he doesn’t have money, I tell him to go into his savings. “You save for a day like this when you don’t have money so why don’t you go into your investment and make withdrawals? His response is always like this; “The money hasn’t matured. I can’t touch it.” When he says that, I feel like he is only using me for my money so he can invest his money for future wealth.

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Recently he told me about an investment opportunity he thought was good. He asked me to support him with money for the investment. I agreed to do it but on one condition; he would put my name on the investment documents.  He agreed so I gave him the money. When it got to time for documentation, he changed his mind. He told me his name had to be on it and not my name. I said, “No. That wasn’t the agreement. My name has to be on it and not yours.” He saw the resistance I was putting up and said, “Why are you worried about whose name appears on a document? What is mine is yours so what is your fear? Are we no longer partners?”

I wish his words were enough to put my mind at ease but it wasn’t. Maybe if we were legally bound in marriage I wouldn’t have been this insecure. We’ve been on this plate for the past seven years and we hadn’t made progress.

He drags his feet whenever we talk about marriage. There’s always a reason against marriage. He would say something like, “I just started a new project. As soon as I finish it we will get married.” When he finishes the said project, another would pop and it will be the reason why we can’t get married soon. He has put marriage aside in order to pursue a series of projects. I got tired once and told him, “I don’t think you love me like you say you do. You are just stringing me along.  In the end, you will not marry me.” He answered, “Don’t say things like that. I have introduced you to everyone in my family and all my friends. We’ve been together for this long. I am not a bad person.  I won’t go to these lengths if I had no intention of marrying you.”

Sometimes I send screenshots of stories from Silent Beads to him, to support my insecurities. He looks at them and assures me, “I am not as wicked as the men in the stories. Trust me.” The thing is, I have stopped trusting him. Something in my guts tells me he is lying to me. He’s here with me because of the benefit he gets from me. The day will come when he’ll drop me like an unwanted object.

I really love him and I’m willing to put up with all his imperfections. What I cannot tolerate is how he wants to spend my money as if we were married, even though he is not making effort to marry me. I want to let him go but I keep thinking about everything I have invested in the relationship.  I’m at a crossroads. I could either stay and hope he will change or I could cut my losses and move on.

–Zeina

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