My relationship with Bernice ended on a mutual note but I was still heartbroken about it. So I decided to stay away from relationships for a while. Almost a year into my singlehood, my friend started asking me to find a girlfriend. When I tell him I am not ready he would ask, “Why are you not ready? What signs do you need to see before you will be ready?” I only gave one excuse after the other, just so he’d leave me alone. But that never even worked.

At some point, he started talking about a female friend he is sure I would be interested in. I didn’t want to get involved with anyone so I turned down his offer to introduce us. But Ernest is not one to give up. You would think it was his destiny to make sure I don’t end up single for the rest of my life.

A year and a half after our relationship, I had gotten my first job after my national service. While I was settling in, Ernest was still pushing for me to meet his single female friend, Belinda. He even showed me her pictures but I didn’t pay attention to it. One day a friend invited me to watch his football match. An invitation I accepted eagerly.

I showed up at the match, only to run into my ex-girlfriend and two of her friends. One of her friends caught my attention. She looked so familiar but I couldn’t remember where I knew her from. Bernice introduced her as Belinda. I tried searching the hidden compartments of my mind, but I still couldn’t place where I knew her. So I forgot all about her after we parted ways.

After the event, I was talking to Ernest when he said, “So you still don’t have a girlfriend? If you had taken my friend’s number, you would have had someone by now,” Out of annoyance I told him, “Give me the number.” He gave it to me and stopped bothering me about my singleness.

It took me three days to send the girl a message. I thought it was going to be awkward so I was surprised when we connected instantly. It felt like magic. We talked endlessly about almost everything. I didn’t think it was possible to hit it off so easily with someone I had never met until it happened to me. I loved her bubbly personality.

Four days after we started talking, we were in a relationship. We said we were dating yet we hadn’t met each other yet. We didn’t know enough about each other either. The plan was to get to know ourselves as we go. The same way they do in arranged marriages. We believed we could make it work.

It was as time went on that I realized that my girlfriend, Belinda, and Bernice’s Belinda, are the same person. That was why when I met her with Bernice, she looked familiar. It was because Ernest had shown her photos to me in the past. I just didn’t think both Ernest and my ex would share a friend. So in short, I was dating my ex-girlfriend’s best friend.

To be honest, if I knew she was so close to my ex, I wouldn’t have entered a relationship with her. But I felt it was too late to back out. When my ex found out that we were together, she texted me; “I heard you are dating my best friend. I just want you to know that I am happy for you. Congratulations!” I couldn’t tell if she was actually happy for us or if she was being sarcastic. But I put her out of my mind and focused on my relationship.

It did not take long for cracks to start showing up in the relationship. You would think Bernice put a spell in motion to ruin our relationship. Or maybe she told Belinda things about me to make me look bad. I have no idea what happened.

Someone who was chatty and very communicative became a woman of few words out of the blue. This happened less than one month into the relationship. I kept wondering what was wrong but I couldn’t get any answers. When I asked her if everything is okay, she would say yes. But her behaviour continued. One day I woke up and couldn’t take her indifference anymore. So I broke up with her.

After the break up I started missing her. So I went back and apologised but she refused to take me back. I had no option but to walk away and nurse my broken heart. After three weeks, she came to me. “I know I rejected you when you came back but I want you back. Can we give our relationship another shot?” I still wanted her so I agreed.

The problems we faced in the past persisted. The communication was terrible. I could call her for hundred times, and she won’t even pick any of them. It was a long-distance relationship so the lack of communication made things difficult. I was there when she sent me a text; “I am sorry for leading you on. It’s not going to work. Sorry.” Wow! So all this while I was dating myself?

I will never forget the day this break-up happened for as long as I live. I walked home in tears while it rained. It was like one of those scenes in the music videos of sad love songs. When I got home, I cut myself peeling an orange. I don’t know what hurt more; the pain of cutting myself or heartbreak? She said she was teaching me a lesson for breaking up with her. So my poor heart was collateral damage in a war between our egos.

I did not learn my lessons, so I went back and begged her to take me back into her life again. She didn’t turn me away, she took me back. This time she put in an effort to communicate and make things work. It was not a lot of work but I consoled myself by saying, “After all, she came back so that’s good. Half a loaf is better than none.” I also had the belief that she was laid back because I was too available to her.

READ ALSO: My Dad Gave Me A Husband So He Could Be Free To Marry Again

I believed I could change her by changing my attitude toward her. That’s how I embarked on a mission to colonise her heart, soul, and mind. There were several times in the relationship that I felt more single than I had ever felt when I was single. But I refused to walk away. I gave her time hoping things would improve but it never did.

After a year of suffering in silence, we broke up again. The breakup text was the most difficult text message I had ever sent in my life. When she read it, she replied, “Okay.” She didn’t even try to fight for me. It was hard but I told myself that no matter what happens, I wouldn’t go back to her.

I Can’t Live A Day Without A Boyfriend | Silent Beads

I still love her but no, I am not going back. That’s why I am sharing my story here. I hope by putting everything out here, I will get the closure I need to move on. I don’t think I was the perfect boyfriend for her, but I am proud to say that I never hurt her.

I just want to leave her this goodbye message. Belinda, I hope you know that I tried but your silence kept hurting me. You are a wonderful lady. I wish you well. I hope you find a good husband who will treat you well and give you all I could not give you. I also wish the same for myself.

—Cyril 

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB