I have heard people share stories about office romance. The benefits of seeing your partner five times a week tend to interest these storytellers more. There is also the possibility of having lunch dates with your special person. Of course, if the relationship turns sour, things could get awkward at the workplace. People who know about you would notice the change and whisper behind your back or directly ask questions. And if you are unfortunate to have your ex dating someone new at the office, you will have to watch them be happy without you.

All these are things I learned from my friends’ experiences with office affairs. I on the other hand had never entertained the thought of dating someone I work with until September 2022. Opana and I were merely co-workers. We didn’t even have one of those outside work friendships. We met at work, said hello, got our jobs done, and said goodbye at the end of the day. Occasionally we would chit-chat chat but it was never anything deep. If we got caught in the same conversation with other work colleagues, we exchanged ideas or made arguments. It was just that.

So I was very surprised when he told me at work one day, “I want to talk to you after work. Can you wait behind? Or we could go somewhere quiet to sit and talk.” I didn’t want things to get weird between us so I opted for us to have the conversation at the office. I tried to imagine what the conversation would be about but nothing concrete came to mind. “Did I offend him?” I wondered. “Is there something wrong with me that he wants to tell me? Maybe I have body odour that I am not aware of.” Nothing I anticipated prepared me for what he finally told me.

He said, “One of the things I have been praying fervently for is a partner I can build my life with. And just recently, God showed me your face that you are the one for me. I have prayed a few more times asking God for confirmation and I received signs to show that you are truly the one. So I would like us to start something and see where it goes.” I was very surprised that God would pick him out to be my partner without showing me any sign about him. Besides, I wanted nothing to do with someone I work with. Should the relationship backfire, it might be too difficult to continue seeing him at work. So I firmly said, “Whatever God told you, he hasn’t said it to me yet. That aside, I am not romantically interested in you. So kindly find someone else to build your life with.”

I thought my answer was firm enough to steer Opana in the opposite direction but I was wrong. He was determined to have me and, no, wasn’t an acceptable answer for him. He kept coming at me and applying pressure in all the right places, “Instead of turning me away, why don’t you pray about us? Hear what God has to say before you decide that I am not the man for you. I also believe that you are not romantically interested in me because you’ve closed off your mind to me. Open your heart and give me a chance. Let me prove that I can be the one and only man you need.” With his persistence, I finally said yes to giving us a try.

Everything started well in the beginning. We wanted to keep our relationship clean so we never went to each other’s house. My only problem was his main object of discussion. Every time we talked, Opana found a way to bring up his ex-girlfriend. We could be talking about something that happened at the office. My man would respond, “This reminds me of that time my ex cheated on me.” There was no topic we covered that did not remind him of the woman who hurt him.

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I tolerated him for a while but when it got to a point, I told him, “You know what?” I think we should give each other some space. You are too hung up on your past to give us a chance to grow. So spend some time with yourself and heal before you attempt another relationship. He refused my suggestion to take a break and promised never to bring up his ex again. We started afresh and he has truly never brought up his ex-girlfriend to this day.

But now that he doesn’t bring her up, another problem has reared its head. Earlier this month, he asked me to meet him somewhere so we hang out. I wasn’t fine that day yet I went to meet him. For the entire duration I was with him, he said nothing. I would ask him a question and he would nod or shake his head. If it involved him having to explain himself he would just shrug and mumble, “I don’t know.” I got tired of his antics so I told him, “If you don’t want to talk to me then I would like to go home and rest. I am not feeling well.” He asked to see me off but I said no. When I got home, I called him but he didn’t pick up. He rather texted me saying, “I was spending time with you but you left me there by myself and went home. How could you do that? This relationship is over.”

To say that I was surprised is an understatement. I texted him a response but my message didn’t go through. He had blocked me on WhatsApp. I called him but it didn’t go through. He had blocked me there too. I used my mother’s phone to call him and he hung up as soon as he heard my voice. I was very confused and hurt. I tried to make sense of his behaviour but I just couldn’t. A few days later he texted me, “Cindy, I am sorry for the way I behaved. I can’t explain what came over me. Please, take me back.” He acted like a jerk, that’s true, but love had taken root in my heart so I accepted him back into my life.

Would You Allow Your Partner To Go Through Your Phone?–Beads Media

We have been back together for a whole week and Opana hasn’t called or texted me the entire time. When I complained he told me, “I haven’t called or texted you because I don’t have anything to say to you.” “Do you not love me?” I asked, “Are you only with me because of the revelation God showed you about me?” He answered, “No, I love you. I am just scared of showing it because of my past pain.” There we go again with his ex. He is incapable of having a decent conversation if it is not about his ex.

Our relationship is very dry; no communication, no attention, and no hanging out. That wasn’t how it was at first. I complained to him and he responded, “I am ready to give you space if you want one. If you want to take a drastic decision too, I will accept it. The fate of this relationship is now in your hands.” That’s where I am in a dilemma. A part of me wants to break up with him and deal with whatever awkwardness comes with having an ex at the office. If there’s a way I can gracefully deal with an ex in the same office, I would learn that and break up with him but Another part of me is in love with him and wants to give him time to come around. What do you advise I do?

–Cindy

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