My wife is six months pregnant. That means I’ve been facing this issue for the last six months. She has sacked me from our bedroom so I sleep in the hall. If I talk, there’s a problem. When I don’t talk, there’s an issue. Sometimes I just want to run away from home and not come again but I’m reminded of her situation and how much she needs me.

One night we were in bed when she asked me, “Have you pooped on yourself?” I was like, “What sort of question is that?” She answered, “You smell like you’ve pooped on yourself or you didn’t clean your butt well after poopoing?”

We argued it out for a while until the third day, I picked up my pillow and went to sleep in the hall. She has been sleeping alone since then. As if that wasn’t enough, she started accusing me of mouth odour. I told her, “Your mouth is closer to your nose so it could be your own mouth blowing you fuse.”

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We argued it out. She won. When I’m close to her, I keep my mouth shut so she doesn’t remind me that my mouth is smelling. When she talks to me, I answer with my head. She has a problem with that too. I was mute and watching TV one evening when she approached, “You’ve been quiet these days. What are you thinking of? Are you thinking of leaving me because I’m pregnant? Do you regret marrying me? Talk let me hear you.”

Immediately I opened my mouth, she covered her nose. When I talk, there’s a problem. When I don’t talk, there’s a problem so I asked what I should do. She screamed, “I said your mouth is smelling and you accepted it without doing anything about it? How about you brushing your teeth well? How about seeing a dentist? Why are you making it look like I’m the problem?”

I have colleagues. I’ve asked them if I ‘blow fuse’ when I talk.  I’ve asked them if I have body odour. No one has ever suggested I have such a problem. It’s only my wife. And the surprising thing is, she goes to work and meets people. None of these people smells bad apart from me.

I’ve come to accept it’s because of the pregnancy. I want her to accept same and leave me alone but no. She wants me to sleep next to her on condition that I will wear a nose mask. She wants me to talk to her, on condition that I will call her on the phone when the two of us are in the same house.

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I’ve asked her mom to come for her. She says it’s a bad idea. I want to go to my mom. They say it’s also a bad idea. I’m in my house but I don’t have peace. This is our first child but do you think when this is over, I will have the appetite to have another child? Never. She should go and adopt the rest of the two additional kids she dreams of having. I’ve resigned. I’m ok being a husband but I’m not ready to father new kids.

—Akwasi

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