I was recently in a serious relationship that ended about two months ago. He was the first guy I truly committed to. I mean, emotionally and physically, I didn’t withhold any part of myself from him. I was a virgin when we met but as the relationship progressed, I let him deflower me.

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After the break up, my perspective on relationships and life has changed.

Now, I want to focus on building myself, loving myself more, and committing to abstinence until marriage. The relationship taught me that anything at all can happen between two people who even swear to love each other forever.

That’s why I’ve made the decision to uphold what many call “secondary virginity.” I’ve also decided not to date again until I’m ready for marriage. I don’t want to go through many men before I finally meet my husband.

I was quite firm in my resolve until recently when I came across a post about a lady who isn’t a virgin but had agreed with her boyfriend to wait until marriage. Things were going well until the guy changed his mind and started pressuring her for intimacy. This led to constant fights between them.

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In the comments, I saw many men saying they would only agree to wait until marriage if the woman hasn’t done it before. They felt there was no point in waiting for marriage if she had already been with another man.

This really got me thinking about this decision of mine to practice celibacy until I am married. So I want to know, does a woman’s decision to abstain from intimacy only hold value if she’s a virgin?

Can’t someone decide to wait again, even after past experiences? I am still young, about to turn 24 so I don’t know much in life. That’s why I need to understand if upholding my secondary virginity till marriage is valid and would be respected.

Are there men here who don’t mind waiting even if the woman has already been deflowered?

—Vee

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