I’ve been dating this guy for over six months. He claims he loves me, but I find myself doubting that in so many ways. His mouth says the words but his actions tell a different story. So I am here wondering how it is possible for someone to love you without showing you in little ways that you mean the world to them.

Take my birthday, for instance. It was in October last year. This was four months into our relationship. And all I got from him was a text that read, “Happy birthday” followed by two emojis. I knew the relationship was new so I wasn’t expecting grand gestures or expensive gifts. I just wanted him to do something thoughtful even if it didn’t cost money.

He could have posted my photo on his WhatsApp status and written a sweet caption. If that’s too much, then what about sending me a heartfelt message? Something personal to make me feel special. Any of these would have been better than a dry “Happy Birthday.” The text sounded as though it was sent out of obligation and not love. Although I was not pleased, I didn’t complain.

Rather, I made excuses for him. I told myself that he probably didn’t know how to make someone feel special on their birthday. Well, he proved me wrong a few days later. He posted his friend’s photo on his socials to wish him a happy birthday. The caption was special, personal, and far more elaborate than what I got. I felt hurt. So I asked him why he could post his friend but not me. This guy told me, “I won’t benefit anything if I post my girlfriend on my socials. You’re my private property.”

That statement led to an argument, but we eventually settled it and moved on. Still, it stayed with me. It made me question how he truly sees me.

This is someone I go above and beyond to make happy. I do it willingly because of how much I love him. I’m a student, but I’ve used my own money to cook meals for him and his cousin when he told me he was struggling financially because his National Service stipend was delayed. Although I did it without expecting anything in return, I don’t know if he would do the same for me should the tables turn.

On Christmas Day, I decided not to wish him a Merry Christmas to see if he would reach out first. He didn’t. When we eventually spoke, he said the Christmas season hadn’t been good for him, so he didn’t see the point in wishing anyone well. I was surprised he would say such a thing.

Even before the holidays, there was a wig incident. I had casually asked him if he could buy me a wig as a Christmas gift. He agreed but never followed through. I didn’t press him because I assumed he didn’t have the money. Later, while shopping, I found the wig I wanted but was GHC20 short to make the purchase. 

So I texted him a picture of myself at the wig shop and told him, “I am at the wig shop but I am out of cash. Can you send me some money to buy the wig?” I didn’t specify how much I needed but can you believe he sent me GHC50? While I was grateful for the help, I was also in utter disbelief. Who sells a wig for GHC50 in this economy?

This is someone I go out of my way for but when it comes to me, everything he does is half-hearted. It makes me wonder if I am even on his priority list.

Just this past New Year’s Day, I messaged him to wish him a Happy New Year. I had noticed he’d been online posting on his story but hadn’t sent me any New Year’s wishes. When I brought it up, he said he was about to text me, but I beat him to it. Even after our conversation, he still didn’t say anything special—not even a simple “same to you.”

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I’ve been out of the region where my school is for four months. Despite this, I’ve made the effort to visit him whenever I get the chance. Recently I asked him, “Instead of making another trip to your end, why don’t you take one weekend and visit me in Accra?” He didn’t even pause for a breath before saying, “No, that’s not possible.” 

This same person called last week to tell me he would be in Accra on 3rd January, which is today. “I am coming to see a friend. I would like to see you when I come.” I plainly told him, “No, I am not available. You are coming to Accra to see your friend, not me. So I won’t see you.” He didn’t seem pleased but I had to do that for myself.

She Came To Do Industrial Attachment


I am trying to make sense of why he won’t be intentional about me despite all the ways I have shown him my love through my actions. Even now that school is on break, I’ve bought beautiful, expensive gifts for him. The plan was to surprise him when I return to school. However, I have gotten to a point where I am beginning to think he is not worth my efforts.  

All I want is for him to be affectionate, and give me assurance through his actions that he loves me. Am I asking for too much? Or I should take his behaviour as red flags I’ve been ignoring?

— Sam

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