I hate talking about my exes when I’m in a new relationship but I couldn’t help myself but blurt it out on full volume to her, “I don’t understand that your selfish stand. Love is never about giving without expecting anything back. It’s about mutual giving. I don’t know the kind of men you’ve been dating but the kind of women I’d dated, they all understood what it meant to give. To date, Sabina sends me gifts on my birthday though we broke up five years. What kind of woman are you? You’re just chisel and I regret ever dating you.”

You might think my words were harsh but before you judge me, let me explain.

I’ve been dating her for two years. She works with an international company and makes good money out of what she does. I work with that same company but in a different branch. We met during an end-of-year party and we took it from there. Right from the start, she told me, “If it’s sex you want, then you wouldn’t enjoy this relationship because I’m not in for that. But if you prove to be true and do all the right things, we just might do it somewhere along the line. I like you but intimacy shouldn’t be the foundation.”

I understood her. No serious relationship was ever built on sex so I agreed to invest my time in doing what’s right and see what may come out of it. We went out often and went to places where she herself told me she wanted to go. I bought her gifts on any given occasion just to prove the love I had for her. On our first Val’s day, I spent a lot in a way to surprise her. I wasn’t expecting anything grand but I was thinking I would receive something, no matter how little, I would have appreciated it. On Val’s day, she came for her gift, said thank you, and left. The only thing that came from her was a lousy happy Val’s day message which I believe was even copied from the internet. I didn’t complain. Some people take their time to learn so I gave her time. 

READ ALSO: She Told Her Ex That She Has Regretted Marrying Me

On her birthday, we had dinner. I sent gifts too. On my birthday, she came home, we cooked and ate. She said happy birthday and that day she gave it to me for the first time. I was happy because it represented a milestone in our relationship. Apart from that, she gave me nothing. That day, I intentionally said, “We’ve been in a relationship for a while now, but there’s nothing here with me to remind me of you. Get something for me. When you’re not there and I see it, It will remind me of you.” She said, “Dear, I’m not going anywhere. When you need me, just call. I will come around.”

She didn’t get the gist so days before Christmas I started giving her clues on what I like as a Christmas gift. Xmas came. Again, I had nothing, while she came for the things I bought her. That day I told myself, “Never again. If she can’t give. I’m not giving too. Last two weeks was her birthday. She was in anticipating mood. She kept asking where we would be going and what I would be getting her. I didn’t say a lot but she was under the impression that I was going to get her something. In the morning, I sent her a message wishing her the best on her birthday. In the evening she called me, “I’ve been expecting you oo.” I said, “For what?” She asked, “Ain’t we going anywhere?” I said, “I have nowhere to go. And I have nothing to give.” She said, “That’s alright but you should have told me so I planned something else.” I said, “I’m sorry about that.”

For three days she didn’t talk to me. when I called she gave me an attitude. Finally, she brought the topic. I asked her only two questions: “What have you done for me lately? And ever since we dated, what have you gotten for me?” She said, “So you did what you did because I haven’t gotten you anything? I thought you said you love me?” I asked, “Don’t you love me?” She said, “If your love for me is true, you’ll give without expecting anything back. Because that’s what lovers do. I didn’t plan for us to have sex but I gave it to you because I love you”

That was when I told her what I said in the first paragraph. She got angry. She said, “If a gift is what you want and your ex continues to give you a gift, then why are you wasting your time with me? Go and date your ex and leave me alone.” I thought it was one of those fights lovers have and later reconcile but in her mind, I’ve bruised her ego and that was the end of us. She had used the past weeks to make series of posts on her status blasting me indirectly for wanting a gift from a woman. 

Is it wrong for a guy to want to receive a gift from the woman he loves? Because of this, our almost two years relationship is coming to an end. She doesn’t pick my calls and she’s been telling anyone who cares to listen that I behaved like a woman. What did I do wrong? Or is sex the only thing a man could have on his birthday? 

–Patrick

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG