I have a few acquaintances, but hardly do I allow myself to open up to someone enough to call them friends. I used to have only three friends. All women. When it came to male friends, I hadn’t met anyone I trusted enough to be their friend. However, it all changed when I joined a new company in April last year.

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One of the staff I met there is Fred. As we got to know each other, I learned that he is married with two beautiful daughters. I liked his devotion to his family. Most importantly, how he carried himself about. Not one of those married men with wandering eyes. I respected him for it.

Over time, we became good friends. Our friendship was beautiful. Fred is caring, understanding, and nonjudgmental. I could tell him anything. Whether it’s my feelings or something that popped in my mind. He was my safe space.

Our bond grew so strong that people around us started whispering behind our backs. “These people are more than friends,” we often overheard them say.

Fred didn’t wear a wedding ring because of his church’s beliefs. This was what fueled the rumors people started about us. We knew we were doing nothing wrong so we didn’t pay attention to them.

One day Fred asked me, “Would you like to meet my family? I think it’s time.”

I shrugged, “Of course, I am eager to meet the woman who has you wrapped around her little finger.”

Fred’s wife was everything he described her to be; sweet and homely. His girls were adorable too. I felt at home in their midst.

As time went on, I kept spending time with the family. His children called me “Auntie”. His wife came to call me friend. I had become an extended part of the family without intending to.

Every time I visited, I spent time cooking and chatting with his wife. When we are done eating, the kids would drag me by my hand, “Auntie A.J., come and play games with us.” I am usually giddy and overflowing with laughter by the time I leave there.

Earlier this year, I visited them as always. Unfortunately, we lost track of time. I had to spend the night over there. His wife made sure I was comfortable. She gave me clothes to wear, a new toothbrush, towel, and anything else I might need. This was all the confirmation I needed that she had fully accepted me as part of their lives. I was happy that she didn’t stand in the way of her husband having a female friend.

Not long after that, Fred received a better job offer and left the company. We continued our conversations over the phone and maintained our friendship.

About a month ago, he and his wife were visiting a facility near my workplace. When they finished they decided to stop by and see me. It was almost closing time, so Fred dropped me off at my house. That was the day he knew where I lived.

Two weeks later, his wife called to say they had some gifts for me and would pass by my workplace. Unfortunately, it rained heavily and they arrived late, so Fred offered to drop me at my junction. That one-hour drive felt like a twelve-hour journey.

Something was so off with the vibe. Naturally, Amanda is lively and engaging. That day, she barely spoke to me or involved me in their conversations. The coldness in her demeanor troubled me but I held my peace.

I wondered what I had done wrong. What had changed? What happened between her decision to bring me a gift and the sudden shift in attitude? So many questions ran through my mind.

When I got home, I didn’t call Fred as I usually would. Later that evening, he called to ask why, but I simply told him we’d talk later because I was sleeping. Deep down, I was hurt.

The next day, I sent his wife a message to thank her for the gifts. She responded briefly, not her usual chatty self.

For two days, I didn’t call Fred — which was unusual for us. On the third day, he called and I couldn’t hide my feelings anymore. I told him how uncomfortable I felt in the car. He assured me I was overthinking it.

“Maybe she was just having a bad day.”

I tried to let it go.

Later, it was their wedding anniversary. I wished Amanda a happy anniversary and all she did was react with an emoji. That left me even more confused. I called Fred to wish him as well, but he didn’t answer. He later explained that he was having issues with his phone.

I decided to keep my distance from them based on their behavior. With time, the calls from him stopped. It was all so surprising. One moment, we were tight and the next moment, I was getting ghosted.

A part of me wanted to know why the sudden change. So one morning, I called him, and as usual, he didn’t answer. After several unanswered messages, he finally called back four hours later, sounding worried.

That’s when he told me the truth.

He explained that the evening I expressed how uncomfortable they made me feel, his wife had also opened up about her concerns. She confessed that she felt our relationship had gone beyond friendship, and it was making her uncomfortable. That was the reason he had been avoiding me.

I appreciated his honesty, though it hurt. I questioned why she had chosen to give me a gift, when she already decided to treat me coldly.

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I told Fred, “I believe this is the end for our friendship. I can’t allow a one-year friendship to jeopardize your ten-year marriage.”

Then I blocked his number and deleted it. I did the same with Amanda’s too. Not out of anger, but out of respect for their marriage.

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My question is, is it wrong for a single woman to be friends with a married man?

Fred, I know you may not be happy with my decision, but this is for your own good, for your marriage, and for my peace of mind. I hope one day your wife will realize I never intended to cause any issues in your family.

—A.J.

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