I met Yaa, my first-ever girlfriend through a friend. I was in my final year at the university when we started a relationship. I am not exaggerating when I say this but she has been lovely since I met her. At first, I thought her soft and calm demeanour was just a façade. I expected it to drop at some point so I would see her true colours. But that wasn’t the case.

Our relationship is a long-distance one so we often spent time talking on the phone. We both knew and understood that to keep a relationship like ours going, we had to be intentional about our efforts. Especially when it came to communication. We would be on the phone all night never wanting to say goodbye.

And not a day went by that we didn’t hear from each other. Even when one person was too ill to have phone conversations, at least they would text to update the other person about our progress. That’s how we built a strong foundation.

No topic was off-limits between us. I remember when she told me she had never gotten intimate with anyone before. My jaw dropped as I almost exclaimed, “You liar!” That was because I found it hard to believe that a woman as beautiful as her had never been touched by a man. It wasn’t until we got intimate that I saw for myself that it was the truth. I was indeed the first man to make love to her.

Things were so great between us until recently. The changes began when we entered two years into the relationship. All of a sudden there was a shift in our conversations. We would be on the phone but she wouldn’t talk. I would be the only one talking until the call ends. Sometimes, I would draw her attention to her silence and she would apologize.

Right from the beginning, I associated her change with the stress from her new job. I asked her, “Is there anything I can do to make things easier for you? I have noticed that things are different between us.” Once again she said, “I am sorry. I am just stressed. I will do better.” But it rather got worse.

This time she wouldn’t only be quiet on the phone but I would hear her moaning. The kind of sounds I hear her make during sex. The first time I heard her moan on the phone, I went silent trying to figure out where that was coming from. When I was sure she was the one making them, I asked, “Babe, are you alright? Is everything okay with you?” “Yes,” she said almost inaudibly.

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Sometimes, together with the moan, I would hear her slapping her skin. When I tried to get her to talk, she would sound like someone trying to catch her breath. I would get so uncomfortable that I would say goodnight and hang up.

The only explanation I have for this is that my woman is engaging in self-pleasure. I didn’t know how to communicate my concerns with her so I resorted to writing some articles about the dangers of masturbation. I would first send these articles to myself and then forward them to her so that it would be as if I received them from someone and decided to share them with her.

Six Years Later, His Ex Is Still In The Picture

I was doing this just to get her to open up so we could have a conversation about it. But she would read these articles but wouldn’t leave a response or say anything about them. The only difference I noticed recently was that she’s trying to muffle the sounds she makes so I won’t hear her. However, occasionally she would get uncontrollably loud. When she realizes this, she would hang up and call back almost immediately to tell me she mistakingly hung up.

I’m worried about how far the whole thing is going but I don’t know how to address it. It’s quite an uncomfortable subject for me. Please, any advice for me?

— Manuel

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