I went through a difficult breakup earlier this year. It was a relationship I didn’t expect to end so when it did, I was utterly broken. In my quest to heal, I decided to stay off men and relationships for as long as my heart needed to. All the men who came into my life around that time were assigned to friendships. Even when they tried to persuade me that their intentions were genuine, the pain in my heart was too fresh to allow a new relationship. So I insisted we stay friends.
Two months into my healing journey, a childhood friend sent me a message on Facebook. We had lost touch for a number of years. Because we used to be good friends, I was pleased to hear from him. When he asked that we talk on the phone, I gave my number to him.
We started chatting on WhatsApp after that. It was all friendship and fun until I realised he was showing interest in me. I didn’t want him to voice out his feelings and make things awkward between us so I started withdrawing from him. He would take a step forward and I would take two steps back. He was a good friend to me but I couldn’t trust that he would protect my heart if I gave it to him.
Along the line, he asked that we meet. Although I had my reservations, I felt there was no harm in meeting an old friend. After all, he said he just wanted us to meet in person and talk. That’s why I agreed to meet him. When we met, it was nice. We spoke at length. He assured me that his intentions were honorable. To further drive home his point, he kissed me.
I must admit that I felt something stir inside me after we parted ways. I kept thinking about him, the conversations, and the kiss. The next day I woke up with him on my mind still. The more I thought about him, the more I felt I should give him a chance. “Maybe he is the one,” I thought.
I called him and we spoke. I told him, “I have considered your proposal. I will give us a chance.” This guy was so happy and full of promises. “You won’t regret this. I will make you happy. I won’t disappoint you,” he swore.
The next time we met was at his place. This time around we shared more than a kiss. We did everything lovers do. It was passionate. I remember replaying the sweet moments in my head while I lay in bed that night. I was still marinating in the afterglow of the whole affair the next day when a mutual friend who’s more like a brother to me called.
As soon as I answered the phone he said, “Nana, be careful of your relationship with Ernest. He is not as genuine as he seems. Everything that happened between you two from the time he started chatting with you to the intimacy you shared yesterday are all information he has shared with me.” I thought this guy was lying until he recounted every aspect of my interactions with Ernest to me. Even the details of the sex we had.
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After hearing this, my heart broke. I felt so sorry for myself for trusting Ernest just because he was an old friend. When I agreed to date him, it was because I thought he was going to be my last. After I got off the phone with our mutual friend, I sent Ernest a message expressing my disappointment and then blocked him.
Later, I received a screenshot from our mutual friend. Ernest had asked him if he told me anything they discussed. The guy begged me not to let it known that he revealed their conversations to me. I promised our friend I wouldn’t.
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Ernest on the other hand, has been trying to reach me everywhere. When he couldn’t, he came to my workplace to see me. I asked him to leave, and that I would unblock him so we talk. After he left, I kept my word. In our conversations, he denied ever breathing a word about us to anyone. “Whoever gave you the false information, tell me their name so that I will confront them.” I already know what I heard so I don’t believe him.
He is still denying it but has apologized for hurting me. He said I shouldn’t leave him because of hearsay. But I believe and know that he said all those things the mutual friend said because if not, how did the guy know? I have feelings for him but I know when a man loves a woman, he won’t go to his friends telling them minute details about their intimate affairs. Or am I wrong? Please advise me because this whole thing is messing me up. I am so confused.
– Nana
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A man can love you and discuss your bedroom affair or whatever you do with his friends when talking about a particular topic. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you he just doesn’t see nothing wrong with it or doesn’t realise the importance of boundaries. Some men don’t even know what boundary is . Some men do that to prove to his fellow colleagues that he has the real deal.A man can’t love you and will not discuss your bedroom affair with his friends. He is not bad but immature. Even if you take him back lay emphasis on the importance of boundaries in your relationship. Everyone deserves a second chance as long as the person is sincere and is willing to change.
Nana,please let him go.Its very wrong and early for Ernest to discuss your bedroom affairs with anyone.He his making jest and not good for you Take your time,God will give you a man who will truly care for u
It may be hard for your guy to admit to things like this because deep down it’s really embarrassing. Well, I think if you like him you should give him a chance if he’s able to admit. It’s wrong he felt comfortable updating his friend. Also, don’t disclose it to him (about his friend who leaked the info. ).
To be honest, this is common in men, you are lucky you heard it from a mutual friend.
But be careful of the mutual friend also, because he could have advised your guy or threatened him to leak the info however, he enjoyed the updates and later passed back to tell you.
If you are able to give him a chance, you can randomly ask this mutual friend to send you screenshots in case you want to find out he’s changed if not you know what to do