Alice called one morning and told me, “There’s someone I would like you to meet. You’ll like him.” I asked her, “Who is he? Where’s he from and how did you get to know him?” She said, “He’s a long-time friend. We were in school together but he was one year ahead of me. You wait until you see him. You’ll totally fall in love with him. He’s a gentleman. Just the way you want them.” I laughed. I said, “I hope he’s everything you’ve said, else I’ll be very disappointed in you.” 

Alice knows my struggles when it comes to relationships. She’s been a friend for so long and she had been a witness to all the relationship failures I’d been in. When it was good, I shared it with her. I will call her phone at dawn and tell her everything that happened with a guy I just met. She’ll advise. She’ll tell me what to do to keep them excited. She’ll tell me what not to do. Usually, it was about one thing of these things; “Don’t get carried away. Don’t give them the cookie too quickly. Let him see your worth first before anything else but most importantly, be sure about him before you commit.” 

She’ll tell me all these rules and I will follow them to the latter. Along the line, things will change. If things don’t change, they themselves will change. You’ll fight to get their interest back. You’ll put your head on a platter for them but it wouldn’t excite them. One day, they’ll leave and not come back again. It happened so often that I got tired. After Eric, I told Alice, “Maybe it’s God’s way of telling me that he didn’t create me for a relationship. I’ve resigned until further notice.”

For over two years, I stayed out of love’s way and concentrated on how to build myself. I watched a lot of movies. I read a lot of books. I went to a lot of places, mostly alone or with Alice. I bought gifts for myself and stayed in a healthy relationship with myself. Until that day that Alice called and said she had found a man for me.

We met one evening—I and Alice and the guy. He sat next to me but later changed his seat. He took the seat right opposite my seat. He said, “I can now see you very clearly from here. You’re very beautiful.” Alice chirped; “Eiii, you won’t wait for me to introduce you first? What if she’s not the one I spoke to you about?” He answered, “Then we’ll forget about that one and concentrate on this one instead.” We all laughed. 

Alice did the introduction; “Afriyie meet my friend Diana. We’ve been friends for so long people think we are siblings. She’s the best human there’s and you’ll never regret knowing her.” We shook hands, exchanged contacts, and had a very long conversation. The three of us. When I got home that evening, he called. He said, “Just to be sure that my sweetheart is home safely.” I said, “I’m home safely. Thanks for checking up on me.” 

I called Alice.  I said, “How can a man his age be single? A 38 years man? How sure are you?” She said, “Know him and I know he can’t lie to me. He dated a girl for four years. Just when they were about to get married, the girl cheated. He’s been through a lot and I know a woman like you can help him forget his pain.” I asked, “When did that happen?” She said, “He told me it happened a year and a half ago. I believe he’s healed now.” 

We were both sad for him. We even insulted the girl who broke his heart. I resolved to make things better. 

We talked for over a month before he finally proposed. We started our love journey on a very good note. There was nothing he couldn’t do for me. When I told him I loved surprises, he went over the moon to pull surprises on me every now and then. He’s future inclined and that excites me. We’ve done one year of dating already. He asked me, “Where were you that I didn’t meet you earlier? We would have been married by now and have had kids of our own.” I said, “It’s not too late for us. We meet the wrong people so we’ll appreciate and value the right people when they finally come into our lives.”

Then he said we should get married next year. He was even specific about the month. He said, “We can marry in May, my birth month. We only have to start putting things together now so we can let it happen in May next year.” 

Weeks ago we were discussing our past life when his last relationship popped up. I asked him, “So what really happened? How did you get to know that she cheated?” He said, “She didn’t cheat. I was the one who cheated.” I said, “Really? Then I got the story wrong.” He said, “Yeah, I messed up big time. I thought she’ll forgive me when she found out but she didn’t. I tried but she walked away.” 

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I was confused. I called Alice. I wanted to be sure. She said, “He told me that it was the girl who cheated. He never said it was him.” That got me triggered somehow so I started looking into his life to see what was going on that I didn’t know. I went through his phone. He was still talking to his ex. Nothing serious but the fact that they are still talking means they are now on good terms. It’s not a big deal but my problem is the fact that he cheated on his girlfriend, a woman he had dated for four years. If he did that to her then he can do that to me too.

I’ve always known that cheaters will go ahead and cheat again no matter what. If he cheated in a four-year relationship, what can’t he do in a one-year relationship? I want to marry but I don’t want to marry just because of marriage’s sake. I want to marry right and this is a huge red flag for me. I want to back off now before it’s late. He’s still talking to his ex. He may even fall for her again, who knows?

Am I being reasonable with my fears? Isn’t that a huge red flag in our relationship? I need to know your views before I decide on anything. To me, he may do it to me too if he had done it to a girl he loved for good four years. That’s my only fear. 

–Diana 

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