If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

When I shared my story here the first time, everyone told me not to apologize. I took the pain to go through all the comments looking for one dissenting view and I didn’t get any. The comments made me feel so small. It made me feel like I didn’t have a head of my own. “How can something this simple make you think twice? Use your head. God gave it to you for a reason. Don’t allow Danny to use it for you.” Someone said.  

I was hurt. I was hurt because it was the truth. The truth hurts. But there was something missing. I was looking for a way to get around the issue but no one suggested a way. It was all about “walk away.” I asked myself, “Don’t these people know that I love Danny? Didn’t they read where I said I don’t want to lose him? Why are they all saying I should walk out? It wasn’t easy for me but I decided to let the relationship go so I can maintain my sanity. 

For a whole week, Danny didn’t call. I checked my phone every day, thinking he might drop a message asking how I was doing. Nothing. I started feeling lonely. I started missing him.

I called his phone. When he picked I said, “So Danny, you’re allowing an ex-girlfriend to come between us? If nothing at all, remember the good times we’ve had. Have I ever been a bad girlfriend to you? Have I ever been disrespectful? Haven’t I done enough for you to love me the way I do?” He said calmly, “I loved you and you knew it until you decided to ruffle my feathers. I have nothing against you. You caused a flame and I’m only asking you to put out the flame you yourself have caused. Is that too much to ask?” It didn’t sound like too much but the implications were too much. I asked him, “Danny be truthful to me. Are you still in love with Rose?” He answered calmly, “I’m not. She’s someone I dated. The whole thing didn’t go well and I came for you. Why would I continue loving someone that didn’t work out?” 

He asked if I was going to apologize. I told him I wasn’t going to apologize. He said, “Then stop calling me. People who don’t know how to say sorry have no space in my life.” 

Another week went by without hearing from him. The loss became heavier. His absence was deeply felt. All of a sudden it felt like I had no one in my life. I called him. I told him to give me Rose’s number and he did. I called Rose. She didn’t pick. I told myself, “It’s a sign. God is trying to tell me not to call her. I won’t bother.” Minutes later I had a call back from her. I didn’t pick. I want sure what I was going to say. In the evening I told myself, “I will call her and see what happens.” I called and she picked. I said, “Hey Rose, this is Cece. I want to tell you that I was the one who picked Danny’s phone and blocked you. It wasn’t him. Just believe what he’s saying.”

She asked me, “You called only to tell me this or there’s another reason why you called?” I answered, “I learned you two are having a go at each other, blaming each other for the block. That’s why I’m calling to clarify things.” She asked, “Who are you and why do you care to explain yourself?” I said, “I’m Danny’s girlfriend.” She screamed, Oooh wow. And you think calling me to tell me this is the right thing to do? I’m trying to understand what will make you do that. Yes, you blocked me. I didn’t even see it until he brought it up. I don’t know why I have to get an explanation from you.”

The whole conversation was getting embarrassing. I didn’t know how to answer her questions without sounding stupid so I decided to cut the call. She called back again. I didn’t pick. Minutes later Danny called. He was laughing. He sounded like he had gotten what he wanted. He said, “At long last, you called her. What took you so long?” All I said was, “Are you happy right now?” He answered, “The scores are settled. We are good.” 

I should have been happy that Danny was back but for some reason, I felt so small. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about everything that happened. I wanted to forget and just move on with my life until three days later I had a call from Rose. I was going to pick up the call and tell her to leave me alone but she didn’t allow me to speak. She asked why I would be pushed to do such a thing. Before I could explain she asked another question and then another question until she said calmly to me, “I spoke to Danny and he told me that he asked you to apologize to me. I didn’t need an apology but if he pushed you to render such a useless apology then you have to think twice about him.”

She wasn’t angry with me. She was rather worried for me. I saw the sense in what she was saying. It was the same thing I got from the comments when I posted my story. The mess had already been created but I decided to let everything go. I told him, “I’m no longer interested in the relationship. Let’s assume I never apologized. Let’s assume Rose is still angry and it’s fighting with you. Let things remain as they used to be before I called. I don’t want this again.” All he said was, “If that’s what you want, then fine.” 

That was when I realized I was in the relationship alone. It hurt for a while. What hurt more was the fact that I didn’t listen to advice. I made a conscious effort to heal. Two weeks later he called. He wanted us to forget the past and forge forward. I wasn’t ready to be someone’s fool for the second time. I declined. He came back again with a long apology. I stood my ground; “No I can’t do it. And I mean it.”

He stopped coming. He stopped texting. I had my peace.

I called Rose to say thank you. She asked, “What did I do to deserve that?” I said, “What you said opened my eyes to the truth. I left.” She laughed. She said, “Up till now I’m still wondering why Danny thought I deserved an apology for a block I wasn’t aware of. Truth be told, he had tried on different occasions to get us back together but I had no intention for a comeback. I had moved on long ago that going back was impossible. Maybe he was looking for a way to let go of you.” I said, “Yeah that was his reason but I was too blind to know the truth. I’m glad I walked away.”

I’ve learned a great lesson. I’ve learned not to put myself down just in the name of love. I’ve learned to take myself seriously and appreciate my worth. I made a mistake when I told myself that I don’t want to lose him. He was good in some ways and that clouded my thinking into believing that he was the best thing that could happen to me. The best thing that happened to me is myself and I don’t have to give it away cheaply like that. We make mistakes so we can learn. I learned the hard way but it’s alright.

–Cece

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