If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

When rumors started flying around about our separation, my husband stopped coming to church. I don’t know how the details got out there but somehow, Abigail was fingered. When the finger-pointing became the order of the day, Abigail too stopped coming to church. The church was the only ground I found solace so nothing could stop me from attending services every Sunday. I heard the whispering voices. People stopped talking when they saw me passing by. It didn’t bother me. When Everyone had left the church, I sat in a corner and prayed for some minutes before leaving the church premises. 

One Sunday I didn’t want to go to church. I felt sick but I wasn’t sick. There was this hollowness I couldn’t explain away. My first child couldn’t keep quiet about church that morning. “Mom, ain’t we going to church? You said today is the day for church. When are we going?” So I dressed them up and went to church. That day nothing excited me. I was there in flesh but my spirit was somewhere else. Then it got to collection time. I saw the woman who warned me in the queue dancing. She took her time dancing and blocking all the people behind her. She would wave her handkerchief and do some move that would get the church roaring with laughter. 

That was the only moment I laughed. After church, I went to her. She saw the kids with me and was overly excited. She shook hands with them and asked how they were doing. She looked at my face and said, “You’re looking better than I saw you last week. I hope everything is fine?” I responded, “I’m doing well by his grace.” By this time she was holding my little child in her arms so I followed her out of the church. She told me, “I’ve been through where you are currently before. My husband didn’t apologize. He rather told me to deal with it. My last born was only ten months old when it happened. I was always bitter. He walked around with shoulders high as if he wasn’t the one who got caught cheating. One day, he came back from work and we were not there. I was a housewife. I had no money of my own. I had three kids. He thought I couldn’t do it on my own hence the disrespect. I left and never looked back.”

I was quiet, waiting for the rest of the story to unfold but she stopped talking. I asked her, “And he never came looking for you and the kids?” She answered, “He came. He walked to my parents’ house and gave me an ultimatum to get back home. He gave me two days to return or cease calling myself his wife. Two days later, he came back again. He gave me two more days’ ultimatum because my parents promised him they’ll talk to me. I didn’t go back. It took him two good years to come back with an apology. By that time I had learned to survive on my own. I had learned to feed. I had learned to fly to the sun though my wings were made of wax. I was ok. I told him to support his children’s education instead because I wasn’t going back.”

Another silence. We walked for a while. My baby was sleeping in her arms. I asked her, “So, you think I should walk away too?” She answered, “Yours is different. He has apologized, right? That makes all the differences but it still doesn’t mean anything. You can get back together and he may do it again or he may not do it again. People repeat their mistakes all the time but you’ll never know until you accept their apology and forgive them. The question here is, can you believe him totally? Can you live with him without a doubt for a single day? If you can, then try again. Don’t go back to the marriage because he apologized. Go because you can trust yourself to give him another chance.”

That was the last church service we had before the lockdown was announced. I had a few months to decide. I intensified my prayers. My dad prayed with me. My mom got closer and helped with the kids while advising me to give it another time. 

The day came when the two sides of the family met—his parents and my parents. The pastor and some elders of the church.

“Your husband erred. He saw his mistakes and apologized,” The pastor said. “You two have gone through counseling and separation just to prepare your mind on the next journey ahead. There’s no doubt that this man here wants to be married to you. So, we are asking you, Abena, have you decided to get back together with him again? To become one family and raise the kids God has blessed your marriage with? We are listening to you.”

I answered, “No”

My mom looked at me with surprise in her eyes. My dad bowed his head down. My husband asked, “What did you say?” As if he didn’t hear what I said.

“No. I can’t,” I repeated. “Deep down in my heart, I’ve forgiven him totally. He erred. It could have been who did what he did. Anyone at all can commit adultery. That’s why I forgive him for being human. But I can’t continue to live with him under the same roof. I won’t be happy. He won’t be happy. The kids won’t thrive in such an environment. Divorce, to me, is the best solution here.”

We were over from that day. 

He called and we talk at length. It was about the children and how we were going to raise them. We agreed I will take care of them while he pays their fees. When they have minor sickness, I will take care of that. If they have to be admitted, he will come in and help. We both accepted our new roles as we move in different directions.

Life became very difficult for me. I felt lonely most time. Sometimes I wanted to pick the phone and call him and ask him how he was doing. It’s not easy to leave an old life behind as you embrace a new one. That made me remember the popular proverb that said, “Even the devil has his day of remembrance.” But I soldiered on. Made new friends. Found new interests. Joined a keep fit club. There were fears that I would someday die alone with no one by my side. There were days I felt my relationship life was over because I have two kids. I walked out with a smile but life wasn’t a bed of roses for me. 

READ ALSO: It All Started When She Gave Me Food And I Didn’t Eat

It was somewhere around February 2021 when a friend called to tell me, “Do you know that your ex and Abigail are now attending the same church? I went to a thanksgiving service and saw both of them seated next to each other.” Another day, another friend came with something new. She said, “Eiii that girl, her spirit is hard paaa ooo. Upon everything that has happened, she still moves around with your ex?” I kept getting the news of their affair and what they’ve been up to. I told myself, “I wasn’t wrong after all. He really loved Abigail.”

There were days I felt I made a mistake with my divorce. But I came to realize that those feelings were rather emotional than they were rational. The heart is like that. It keeps fond memories so it can spring them up when you least expected. What made me heal completely was the fact that he went back to that same girl who caused our slip. Maybe, it wasn’t by accident that he cheated as he wanted me to believe. It was by design and intentions of the heart. My mom can’t believe that he actually went back to Abigail. My dad calls him shameless. But what that woman told me still remains true: “Apology makes all the difference but it still means nothing. People go back to their wayward ways all the time but you’ll never know until you get back together with them.”

He went back. They may get married. They may not. He tries to talk about it when he comes around for the kids. I don’t give him ears because it’s his life. I can’t determine where he should sail. We have kids. That’s all we will forever have and not conversations about his love life or mine.      

–Abena 

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