The first time K.K. proposed to me, I turned him down. He was a nice guy and we were good friends, but I wasn’t interested in a relationship. I felt I was too young. I had completed SHS and was working in one of my uncle’s companies. That’s where he works too. Our closeness began from there as well. He continued trying to persuade me to accept his proposal until the Covid-19 pandemic reached the country and halted our work. I needed a job so I travelled to another town to work with a different organization. While I was away, he called me regularly and sent me text messages. I knew he just wanted to make me feel like he was essential to my life, but his efforts irritated me.
When he realized that all his attempts to get me have failed, he brought his brother into the picture. His brother told me, “I know you don’t feel ready for a relationship but how would you know until you give it a shot? Give my brother a chance, and let him show you just how much relationships can be beautiful when you are with the right person.” His brother commands a lot of respect so it was difficult to still say no after he intervened. I said yes to K.K. and we started dating. He was really sweet. He bought me gifts and gave me money without me having to ask. He was attentive as well. He always called and texted me. He even got mad if he didn’t hear from me for a few hours.
After a few months, the gifts stopped. Even when I needed money urgently and I asked him he wouldn’t give it to me. Then weeks later he would say, “Do you know I forgot that you asked me for money? Why didn’t you remind me?” The next thing that changed was his attention. He still paid attention to me but it was no longer in a charming way. It was borderline obsessive. He wanted to know everything I was doing at every time. He wanted to know who I was talking to and the kind of conversation I had with them. If I mentioned that I was talking to a male friend, K.K. would flare up.” Why are you talking to a boy? What does he want from you? Are two sleeping together?” Sometimes I would patiently tell him, “Babe, this person is just a friend. There’s nothing else going on between us.” But he wouldn’t listen. We would argue, and I would end up cutting off that particular friend.
That is how I ended up cutting off all my male friends. They didn’t know what they did to me which caused me to stop talking to them. How could I tell them that, “I can’t be friends with you because my boyfriend is insecure about our relationship”? I couldn’t. I thought cutting off the men in my life will bring some peace into the relationship, but no. K.K. started having problems with the females too. He just wanted to be the only person I talked to. He didn’t want to share my attention with anyone. It was an exhausting situation for me to be in but I tried to make it work.
Along the line, I gained admission into a tertiary school. While I was making preparations to go to school, he encountered some financial difficulties. He said he needed a loan and he would repay it within two weeks. By then my father gave me some money to deposit at the bank for him. I took GHC1700 out of the money and gave it to K.K. and specifically told him, “Please this money is not mine. If you don’t pay it back within two weeks I will get into trouble with my father.” He accepted the money and he assured me that he would repay it.
When the two weeks arrived, he didn’t give me the money. More weeks came to pass and he still didn’t pay. When I ask him he would tell me, “I will give it to you next week.” It got to a point he even said the money he owed me was GHC1400. It wasn’t true but I wanted the money back so I said he should just pay that amount. He didn’t pay. In that time frame, my father found out about the missing money. He felt betrayed that I would do such a thing. “I trusted you to deposit money in the bank for me, and you took part of it. Where is it? What did you use it for?” I couldn’t give him an answer so he said, “If you don’t bring back the money I won’t pay your first-semester school fees.”
Knowing my dad he would do as he said, so I went to K.K and explained the trouble his delayed payment caused me. He listened and told me he would pay the money. Then he went ahead to spend GHC3000 to fix his car and spent GHC2000 to pay the school fees of a girl he is taking care of. He didn’t care that my tertiary education was in jeopardy because of the kindness I extended to him. I didn’t have a choice but to take a loan from a friend to pay my fees. Even after that K.K. made no attempt to repay the loan I gave him. I had to report him to his brother before he paid GHC700. I was hurt. Because of him I lost my father’s trust and could have missed the chance to further my education. I thought I was helping a man I love but this dude didn’t care at all about my future.
I have started school and his jealousy has increased. He calls me every minute. If he calls and I don’t answer, trouble. He would insult me and say all manner of demeaning things to me. He always calls me on video calls to prove that I am at lectures or that I am at my hostel. His obsession is stressing me out greatly. I am juggling academic work and his incessant nagging and accusations, and it feels like I will break down one of these days. To top it all, he is always accusing my roommates of bringing boys to our room so that I can socialize with them. He has no proof of this but that is what he believes. Sometimes I feel like he intentionally didn’t pay back my loan so that I wouldn’t go to school. That way he could continue obsessing over me.
30 People Advice Their Ex and Talk About Why It Didn’t Work–Beads Media
I have tried to reason with him several times but he ends up turning things around and making it look like I am the problem. He doesn’t listen to anything I say, let alone consider my concerns. I have come to the conclusion that I am dating a narcissist. Whenever he is facing personal problems he won’t tell me about them. He would just give me attitude as if I am the cause of the problem. Everything he does in the relationship makes me question my self-worth. Just recently, he convinced me to take a loan from a friend for him. I don’t know what possessed me to do it. It was after I gave him the money that I started panicking. I am scared he wouldn’t pay it back and it would become my debt to pay.
I honestly don’t know what I’m still doing in this relationship. I feel insecure and confused. Will I be taking the right step if I walk away?
–Sika
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#SB
Such a nice name Sika, sometime what you need to do is jux take the first step out of the relationship and you will be amaze how things will turn for you my dear. Be safe
No one should tell you to walk out of this relationship. How are you coping with your studies and all the package he dumps on you? For your sanity just cut your losses and leave this toxic relationship.
You are a fool. Period
hahahahahhahhha
Dear, for your sanity’s sake kindly walk away. You’re too young to be encountering all these in the name of love. It’s better to lose love than to lose yourself. This will really affect your studies, if you continue like this with him. People of his calibre don’t change, they’re just toxic, they only change their victims and you’re definitely one of his victims.
My dear, everyone is uncertain about change but when you are in a toxic relationship such as yours do not hesitate to chose change. For your own sanity, I am pleading with you, please please break away from this guy. Insist he returns your money and if he refuses report him to the police.
Flee and I mean run for your life. You deserve to be in the best relationship, not a toxic one. My two thoughts.
Stay away from him