I met Nii when I went to live with my mother after I completed SHS in 2012. He was nice and easy to talk to. We spoke from time to time until we became good friends. Somewhere in 2014, he completed tertiary school and relocated. This put a strain on our friendship but we tried to keep in touch. Once in a while, he’d call to check up on me. Occasionally, I’d also call to check up on him. We continued doing that until 2015 when he started doing things and saying things that implied that he was interested in me beyond friendship. 

I understood perfectly what he was doing but I played coy and sold a convincing act that I was clueless about his advances. I had a boyfriend at the time so if he had proposed, I would have turned him down. I was concerned that it would make things awkward between us and I’d end up losing a friend. Hence, my coy act. We lost touch in 2016 for no reason known to me. If you asked me, I’d say “Maybe he wasn’t happy with the way I downplayed his advances so he cut me off.” I don’t know for certain if that was the reason but I guessed it was. After a few years, I accepted that our friendship was over and put him in the past. 

During the Covid-19 pandemic, I suffered a serious heartbreak and also lost my job. By some weird coincidence, Nii reached out to me just around that time. I told him about what I was going through and he was very supportive. He even suggested, “Let me take you on a trip so that you can put some distance between everything that has happened. I believe that a change of scenery will do you a lot of good.” I turned down his offer. He was a friend but he is also a man. I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where he’d take advantage of me and I’d end up feeling responsible. Even after I refused to go on the trip with him, he stayed by my side and comforted me. 

In 2021, Nii disappeared from my life again without any reason. I was confused, “I thought things were going well between us. Did I do something to put him off?” I thought. In August of the same year, I reached out to him, “Nii have I offended you in any way? Because I don’t understand why you stopped talking to me all of a sudden.” He said, “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just wanted to give you space to recover from your troubles.” From that moment we started talking frequently. Nii started making moves on me again. He didn’t say it but his actions reflected his intentions. He always asked to see me, and he gave me money even when I didn’t ask him to. 

One day in September, I called him several times but I couldn’t reach him. I texted him too but there was no response. I became worried that he had ghosted me. At that point too, I was catching feelings for him so I knew I’d be hurt if he disappeared from my life again. I kept calling him from morning till I eventually got through to him in the evening. “Is everything okay? I’ve been calling you since morning.” I asked. “Sorry I made you worry. I don’t feel well.” He responded. I went to his place that night. I am not a health care provider or anything but I hoped my presence would give him some comfort. By the time I left his place, a lot had happened. By that, I mean shuperu. 

I was a little embarrassed that I let myself get carried away. The next day he called to check up on me but I was in a bad mood. “Well, I hope you are happy now. You’ve finally gotten what you want.” I told him. He wasn’t happy to hear that, “Don’t talk like that. Don’t taint what we shared with regret. I love you and I want to be with you.” He said. I didn’t want to believe him at first but he persevered until I accepted his proposal. Nii has been very good to me. After I lost my job during the pandemic, he is the one who pulled strings for me to get another job. He helps me pay my hospital bills whenever I’m sick. He gives me money for the salon, or just to keep. 

We have never had a major fight or argument since we started dating. He always looks out for my interests and makes sure that I excel at work and in my personal life. Even though things were good between us, I kept the relationship under wraps. I wanted to be sure about him before I told anyone. In April this year, I was having a conversation with my spiritual father when he asked, “Who is Nii?” I told him, “Daddy you have to be specific, I know a lot of people by that name.” He replied, “There is a guy called Nii who likes you. He has been asking around about you but he is asking the wrong people and they are giving him false information. Tell me who he is so that I can pray against it.” 

I asked him to give me time to think about things. 

A month later, I decided to open up to him about my relationship with Nii. I thought to myself, “He said the guy likes me so there’s an assurance the relationship will work.” My spiritual father asked if Nii was working, and I said yes. Days after our conversation, I had two dreams about marriage. I told my spiritual father about it and he asked me to take things slow with Nii. He called me later in the evening and said, “I don’t feel right about this Nii guy. Break up with him. I know that it won’t make sense to you because you are in love, but I know what I’m saying.” Truly, I was confused but I didn’t want to argue with him. I just said okay and hang up. 

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I didn’t break up with Nii as my spiritual father asked me to. The guy hasn’t done anything wrong except being good to me. On what basis would I end the beautiful relationship we have? He involves me in his plans and gives me room to make decisions about his life. He moved to a new place recently. He wouldn’t pay for the rent until I approved the place. He asked me to choose the colours for the decorations. He told me, “I want you to feel comfortable when you visit so decide how it should look.” That tells me how much I matter to him. 

My spiritual father doesn’t want to understand this. He is very persistent in his demand that I end the relationship. Whenever we talk, he would say, “So you haven’t broken up with the guy? Are you waiting to see what will happen before you listen to me?” Last Sunday at church, he told me, “The guy is hiding something from you, trust me. If you leave him, you will meet someone better.” 

This whole thing has left me confused. I have been praying and fasting about it but the confusion hasn’t cleared. I have started having panic attacks and sleepless nights. I spoke with some people and they all kept saying that I should pray about it. I am doing that already. I keep asking my spiritual father his reasons for wanting me to end things with Nii but he doesn’t want to say it. 

This is affecting my work and my health. Please which way should I go? Should I trust in the love Nii and I share and give him the benefit of the doubt? Or should I listen to my spiritual father hoping he knows best?

—Abena

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