In the beginning, it was only Selorm and I in the relationship. I loved him with everything that was alive in me. He was my world. I was his world too, that’s what I believed. When you know someone like the way I do Selorm, you can feel it in your spirit when they are up to no good. I had a hunch that he was cheating on me, that was how I started watching him keenly. I don’t know if I should consider it a good thing or a bad thing that I caught him. While he was my world, I was merely a planet in his galaxy. His other girlfriend was a Muslim woman.

Although I knew I was not his only woman, I was not willing to leave him. I hoped I would love him so hard that he would choose me. I also thought if I staked my claim fiercely enough, the other lady would know that she was fighting a losing game and leave him. Imagine my disappointment when she clung to him the way coins stick to magnets. Nothing I did made her leave him. No amount of pleas and fights got him away from her either.

At the end of the day, I was standing alone. Fighting for a man who made me look like a fool standing in the ring. I couldn’t take it anymore. So I gathered whatever pieces of my heart were not completely ruined, and moved on. I cried when I remembered all our plans. The ones he discarded because he met someone who was more interesting than me, I suppose. My heart broke over and over again because of how deeply I liked him, but in time I learned to live my life without him.

Along the line, I met Kwesi. Within a short period of time, we started dating. I was not in love with him but I didn’t want to be alone in my grief. And he was good company. However, I didn’t trust him. I noticed that whenever I went to his place, there were remnants of other women all over the apartment. Sometimes I would see strands of hair that were long enough to be wigs. Other times, it would be a lipstick stain on his sheet. It didn’t matter how suspicious the things I saw were, Kwesi always had explanations. “Oh, the hair must be from the time my cousin visited. You remember Yaa right? She is the one who wears long wigs,” he would say.

Even when I was sure I found something he could deny, he would jump high, go low, and bend whatever he could until a logical explanation was birthed. I couldn’t pinpoint this or that and say, “This is why I am convinced you are entertaining other women.” So I continued to stay, except I had one foot out the door.

While I was trying to figure out what Kwesi was hiding from me, Selorm came crawling back into my life. “Please, give me another chance,” he begged, “I don’t know what I saw in her that made me behave the way I did. She must have cast a spell on me. Because you are the only woman I love.” I am human. Flawed. I have also hurt people unintentionally and even sometimes intentionally. That’s why I believe in second chances. Besides, Selorm was the only man I loved. So I easily forgave him and gave him another chance.

To be honest, he became very committed and serious about the relationship after he came back. All this time, Kwesi was still in the picture, acting shady with all the girls who live pieced of themselves in his room for me to go and find. I didn’t tell him I took Selorm back. Neither did I break up with him. And Selorm didn’t know I had another man when he came back into the picture. He didn’t ask, and I also didn’t volunteer the information.

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Currently, he is out of the country in search of greener pastures. I am talking about Selorm. Things are hard for him over there. When we talk about our future, we don’t make any progress. “I don’t want to move from Ghana and relocate to America,” I tell him. He also says, “I invested so much money to get here. I haven’t even begun to recover my costs. So don’t ask me to come back.” When it comes to marriage, he is not ready at all. I don’t mind waiting for him but how will marriage between us work? I refuse to travel abroad and he also won’t come back for me.

Kwesi on the other hand, has popped the question. He asked me to marry him but I haven’t given him an answer yet. He is ready today if I am also ready to do it. Unlike in the past when I wasn’t in love with him, now I have grown to love him. Don’t be confused, I still love Selorm. I know that it’s insane to say that I am in love with two men at the same time but it is the truth. I love them both so much that I can’t stand the thought of hurting either of them. If there was a world where I could marry them both, I would. But here lies the case where I have to choose one over the other.

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This is my dilemma. Selorm is across the sea, struggling to find his feet. Marriage is not even on his list right now. I can wait but for how long? Also, what’s the guarantee that he will come back and marry me when things start going well for him? Let’s not forget our living arrangements. He wants to live all the way there while I am happy living here. When it comes to Kwesi, I know he is right here with me. And he is ready to take the next step if I give him the green light.

The question is, can I stand to hurt Selorm if I choose Kwesi? Even if I still choose Selorm, my heart tells me I will be hurting Kwesi. How do I get out of this without hurting anyone? What do I do or whom do I even choose? I love them both so my heart is torn.

—Brie

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