I was two months pregnant when I attended Linda’s wedding. A night before the wedding, she had a Bachelorette party, which I was there. At the Bachelorette, Linda told me Osei was in town and was coming to the wedding the next day. I screamed, “You don’t mean it! Since when and why has he not called me?”

Right there, I took Osei’s number from Linda and gave him a call. I didn’t need to mention my name. Just a minute into the call he asked, “Sophia?” I answered, “Oh you still haven’t forgotten my voice?” We cheered and talked about stories of old. Stories of our days in school. How he chased me from first year until we completed and how he begged me for a kiss on the eve of our departure from school. How I planted the kiss on his cheek and ran away. Linda said, “You two guys really did a lot in school ooo.” Osei responded on the phone, “Say she broke my heart. We didn’t do anything.”

That very night, Osei, came to the hotel where the Bachelorette was going on. We didn’t allow him in so he stayed outside until it was over. I went down with Linda to meet him. He hugged me and didn’t want to let go. For some weird reason, I loved being in his arms. I wished he would not let go too. Minutes later, Linda left us. She was the one going to have a wedding so she needed her sleep.

I stayed with Osei until it was 1 am. Everything showed he still loved me. He talked about the peck I gave him as if it happened yesterday. He talked about how deep his love was and asked why I didn’t accept his proposal. I had no reason. I was only a girl. I was scared of pregnancy and knowing how bad Osei was in school, he would have asked for sex if I said yes.

He asked how marriage was and I told him I was enjoying it. He told me, “You should have given me a chance. There was so much I wanted to do.” “Osei, you were only a boy. There was nothing you could have done. It was good for both of us.”

At 1 am when I was leaving, he hugged me again. He didn’t want to let go. I stayed there as if I belonged in his arms. “Can I have that kiss?” He asked me. I breathed heavily knowing I wanted it but I was married and pregnant. I said nothing. While letting me out of his arms, our lips met. I didn’t fight it. When it was going on for too long, I pulled away. “We are outside. Anyone at all can see us.”

“Let’s get a room,” he suggested.”Please don’t let this chance pass us by.”
“No, it’s not right. I’m married. It’s not right.”
“Please stop thinking. We miss each other and there’s a reason we are here at this moment.”

I stayed back while he went to the reception to enquire about a room. He came back with a key. I told him to go in and I would come later. I went into my hotel room, had a shower, and turned my phone off. It was like a magnet. The devil is so strong. I was doing everything not to go to his room but by the time I realized, I was opening the door to his room.

The burden of guilt won’t let me enjoy it but he was having fun. It was everything to him at that moment. He pursued me for three years and I said no. Eleven years later, I was under him and he was on top. He felt fulfilled while I felt like something was digging out of me. After everything, he placed his hand on me and slept as if he owned me. I was looking at the ceiling, counting sheep.

I pulled myself from under his arm, preened myself up, and went into my room. The lady I was sharing the room with was already awake. It was almost 5 am. My mind was racing, my heart was restless and my conscience judging me. I had a role to play in Linda’s wedding and wasn’t ready to allow anything to come in between. I started dressing up, covering my shame with makeup and the guilt on my lips with lipstick. My phone was still off. I saw him again during the wedding. I couldn’t look at his face.

I quickly ran home after the wedding, still with my phone off. I was supposed to go to church with Linda the next day but I didn’t. I knew he would come around. I did everything to avoid him until a week after the wedding, Linda called. She said she had something for me. I went for it and it was a parcel from Osei. Money and a note that said, “I know it’s hard for you but don’t run away from me. I still need you around.”

He signed it off with his foreign number. I tore the sheet to pieces. I was moving on from that episode.

It took me some weeks before I could allow myself to be touched by my husband. He was worried for me. He thought the pregnancy was taking a toll on me. It wasn’t the pregnancy. It was rather the emotional relics of my sins that were pushing me under the bus. He was kind to me. He was always ready to support me. When I coughed, he brought remedy. When I sneezed he screamed, “Good luck.”

I was seven months gone when I realized I was bleeding one morning, the bleeding turned to abdominal pains. When my husband saw my situation, he quickly rushed me into a taxi to the hospital. A few hours later, my baby came out prematurely. The nurses assured me he was going to be well. He was so tiny I thought he wasn’t human. I was ashamed of myself. “God forgive me and save my son,” I prayed. “If there’s any punishment for what I did, please punish me and leave my baby out.”

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I was fine and healthy. My husband was there going through all the phases with me. Knowing what I’d done, I felt pity for him. To me, it was a punishment. To him, it was one of those innocent occurrences.

My baby was alive for only four hours. He couldn’t make it. The nurses said they did their best. My husband screamed, “You assured us he was going to be well.” Words, tears, and mourning couldn’t bring him back to life. I went to the hospital with a baby inside of me. Three days later, I came home without a baby in my arms. That was three years ago. I haven’t been able to get pregnant again. You tell me, am I not being punished for my sins here on earth?

He Woke Me Up At 2 am And Asked Me To Go To My Mother’s House

My husband is supportive. He still loves me and shows me the care of a loving husband. He tells me not to worry because everything will be alright eventually. He put his body on the bed and he’s gone. Indeed, innocence is a blessing. I would be in bed all night thinking of the hows, whys, and wheres. Some days I feel like I should confess. Somedays I feel like, “For all have sinned and have come short of the glory of God.”

It may happen again. It may not happen again. I may be happy again. I may not be happy again. I went to the christening of Linda’s second child recently and everything came back to me. I messed up but hope dey.

—Sophia

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