When he said he loved me, a part of me wanted to say no because he was jobless and couldn’t afford to take care of me. The other part of me wanted to say yes because I looked into the future and his future was very bright. The yes was louder and very convincing. It said to me, “Boys grow up to be men. He’s a graduate. Very soon, he’ll find a job and be the kind of man you want. If you love his future, then take him now before it’s too late.” Catch them young they say but I caught him jobless.

I said Yes to him. He asked, “Are you serious?” As if he didn’t have hopes in his own effort. I said, “Yes I’m serious.” He smiled. He said, “Thank you.” I asked, “Is that all you can say?” He said, “I’m short of words. I really want to say a lot but I have no words for the way I’m feeling right now.” I said, “If you come by the house this evening, we can have our first kiss.” He laughed and said, “You’re a spoilt kid.”

That evening, he came around but we couldn’t have our first kiss because my junior sister was with us in the room all night until he decided to leave.

That was the beginning of our love story—the story of I and Joseph. He lived with his mom and dad but had the dream of a bird set free. He wanted to be an engineer so he went to school to learn to become one. He wanted to be on his own as soon as possible so he wakes up in the morning and goes out looking for a place that needed someone like him. When the evening comes and he’s returning to the house, he would pass by my saloon and talk to me for hours on end.

When our relationship started, I understood right from the start that I needed to help him. I knew how it felt like to be out of school without a job. It happened to me until I decided to take my destiny into my own hands. After tertiary, there was nothing for me to do. I went far and wide looking for a job but didn’t get any. I was good with hair and makeup so I decided to enroll in a school to become better. Right after that, I had my own shop and I haven’t looked back again.

So, I understood Joseph’s situation better and decided to help. I gave him money when he needed it. I bought the things he needed that he couldn’t get for himself. I did all that without thinking about it because of the love that guy showed me every day. I’m four years older than him but the kind of intelligence and drive he has, I’ve never seen that in any guy I’ve ever dated. So, I clung to him as the baby clings to her mother.

He never did anything without consulting me first. He made me understood that I was his first and everything and he let it showed through the way he treated me. I looked at him and my heart smiled for joy. It’s like entering an air-conditioned room after walking all day in the scorching sun. I always prayed he had a job so we could plan for our future.

Two years later, he didn’t have a job but our love continued growing. Three years later, the only thing that changed was—nothing. He still didn’t have a job so the two of us kept hoping. One day, my mom said to me, “I’ve seen what you’re doing with this gentleman. Men are not to be trusted. He’ll get a job someday and get a good life. That’s when his eyes would be opened to the kind of negatives you bring into his life. He’ll say you don’t befit his new status as a corporate man. He’ll say you’re older than him so he wants someone younger. I’m not scaring you but men are like that.”

I told my mom, “Not my Joseph. I’ve been in the dirt with him and he appreciates it a lot. I don’t think he’ll pay me back in that kind.” Not too long afterward, a friend of mine also made the same claims; “The way you trust this guy would be the death of you. Men are like that when nothing is going for them—sober, respectful, and down to earth until they see the money. Just be careful.”

I started looking at Joseph in a different light. The love I had for him turned to fear. He was doing all the right things but I was still scared that I was going to lose him. I kept asking him each day, “Joe, do you love me?” He said, “Yes I do and I will always love you.” I said, “I need to hear that often to keep me at ease.” He said, “I can say it every second if that would make your heart relax.”

I said to myself, “He’s different from the men mom has seen. He can’t do that.”

But that didn’t stop me from being scared of losing him. All my insecurities from childhood had come together to scare me off the future I could have with Joseph. I asked him, “Do you think our age difference is going to be an issue in the future?” He said, “If it’s not an issue now then how can it be in the future?” There’s no fear in love, the bible says but I’ve heard enough to have fear in this love I’m in with Joseph.

Life has been good between us in spite of my fears. He keeps growing into a man I can trust. He keeps doing the little to keep me grounded in the faith that our tomorrow would be better. Some months ago, he came home with fanfare in his eyes. He was overly happy. I asked, “What’s the good news?” He threw his appointment letter on me. He said, “Read it. Just read it. Finally!” I read just the first line and I got the message. I jumped and jubilated with him. My mom heard our voices and came to ask what the issue was. We both went mute like kids caught misbehaving.

I told him, “God has finally done it.” He said, “it’s bigger than I even expected. Did you see the salary?” I went to read again. I raised my eyebrows. “That’s great!” I screamed. When our joy came settling down, I asked when he was going to start and he said, “I have only one month to prepare. I need to get a place I would stay in Accra before the time comes for me to go.” I asked, “Accra? The job isn’t here?” He said, “I thought you read it. It’s in Accra. I’m going to live in Accra.” If you heard any sound around us that day, it was the sound of my heart breaking. All my fears came to me from wherever they were hiding. “Distance relationship? How am I going to cope? He’s going to work in Accra? What if he goes to work one day and finds a woman better than me—a younger woman for that matter.”

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That night I couldn’t sleep. What was supposed to be happy news left me thinking and worried. He tried to calm me down but I wasn’t ready to let the fears go away.

He’s been working in Accra for the past three months. He calls me morning, evening, and afternoon. He comes here on some weekends just to be with me. I’ve been in Accra to see where he lives and where his office is. He’s trying his best but I still have fears that I’m going to lose him to someone better. Some days ago, I waited for his call in the evening and the call never came so I called him. It was call waiting. I tried several times and it was call waiting. That night I couldn’t sleep. All forms of doubt crept into my spirit.

I’m worried. Everything is good between us but I can’t keep calm. I’m always scared that one day what my mom said would come true and I’ll be the loser. Is it normal? Am I being overly negative? Do I have the right to feel the way I feel? What can I do to kick this fear out and enjoy what I have with him? I’m almost depressed because of that. Help me.

–Charity

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