I met my husband when my daughter was three years old. He was ready to marry me but I was concerned about my daughter and how the two would relate very well. With time, they developed a relationship that I became envious of. Anytime Richard came to visit, my daughter was all over him. He would carry her around, play like peers and love her like his own daughter. If she didn’t see Richard for days, she would act like something important to her was missing.

Once I felt we could all live together as a family, I gave Richard the green light to marry me. The first day I followed him to his parents, they were both happy to welcome me into their house. His father asked about me and I told him everything, including the fact that I had a three-year-old daughter. Their mood changed. The smile turned shallow. Their interest in me waned. They couldn’t even make eye contact. Richard told me I gave them the information too soon. I told him the earlier the better.

Days later, I could see from Richard’s demeanour that he was fighting battles but he told me all was well. When everything is well, you don’t have to say it. You have to live it. I probed until he told me his parents didn’t want him to marry me because I had a daughter. But he assured me it wouldn’t affect anything so I should stick with him. It was slow and laborious but we eventually got there. His parents agreed for us to marry. I asked on what grounds they allowed, but he said, “It doesn’t matter. Let’s do it and leave them alone.”

A year later, we got married. His parents were there. I was studying their mood and gauging the temperature of their relationship with my parents. They laughed. They shook hands. It was flawless. I stopped getting worried about them.

One month after marriage, my daughter got sick. She was excessively warm so I thought it was malaria. I treated the warmth with a cold towel all night until the morning came. By morning, my daughter couldn’t respond to her name. Her lips were twitching and the black portion of her eyes were turning inward. We rushed her to the hospital but days later, she couldn’t walk again and started drooling. The doctors couldn’t tell us what the issue was apart from we should give them some time.

My parents came to visit. When my mom saw my daughter she said, “Adjoa, this is not hospital sickness. If you continue keeping her here, she may end up getting worse or lose her life. My husband asked for patience and trust in the doctors. After three weeks, they referred us to a bigger hospital. They also took us in and started doing their things. Again, all we heard were, “It looks like this” or “It looks like that.” Finally, we decided to listen to my mom. We took her to a herbalist. My daughter wasn’t the same again.

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The drooling didn’t stop, she didn’t recover her mobility again, her eyes didn’t return to normal again. We had to learn to live with it as the new normal but we didn’t stop looking for solutions. My in-laws started rising against our marriage. Every weekend they called my husband home. He went a happy man and came back as a shadow of himself. I was even scared to ask what they discussed.

His mom called me one evening wanting to speak to my husband because she had called him and he didn’t pick up. Before handing over the phone to my husband, she told me, “I hope you’re not thinking of having a child with my son. We are not ready to host river babies in our homes. I knew it the very first day you came here that something wasn’t right with you. If my son listened to me, he wouldn’t have married you.”

I started crying. My heart was so broken I couldn’t utter a word. When I handed the phone to my husband and he saw me crying, he asked what the problem was. I told him his mom would tell him. He already knew what his mom had said to me so he cut the call and followed me to the room. “Don’t pick up their calls again when they call. If they have anything to say, they should say it to me,” he bellowed

Later, I heard him shouting on the phone. He was battling both his mom and dad, asking them to stop interfering in the affairs of our marriage. It didn’t stop there. His mom would pick a car and come to visit us. She would stay for the weekend just so she could attack my emotions and drain my mental health. The fact that my husband had to fight his mom because of me didn’t sit well with me so anytime she came around, I took my daughter and we went to my parent’s house. It hurt her that she didn’t get me to abuse so she went around telling our neighbours how I’d brought curses into the family.

We are in our fought year as a married couple but I haven’t missed my period once. My husband is a healthy man. I’m also a healthy woman but we can’t give birth. I know where the issue comes from. It may be the work of his mother. She said that she wouldn’t allow us to bring forth river babies. Maybe that’s exactly what she’s doing to frustrate our marriage but my husband has been faithful. He had been solidly behind me. He takes my daughter to the hospital when he has to. He pays the bills. He carries her around trying to play with her. He has always been the father who tells me God’s time is the best.

It saddens my heart that I’m not able to give him a healthy one, a child who’ll call him daddy. I told him to listen to his mom and give birth with another woman. “I’ll take care of the child if you bring it home, trust me. I’m giving you the permission.” He laughed. He said, “It’s only been four years and not forever. You have a child to prove you’re capable so if someone has to worry, it’s me and not you.”

I’m in this marriage not because I want to but because I have a man who shields me away from the storm and cares about my feelings. His parents are relentless but he has proven beyond measure that his love for me is also relentless. He calls my problem his problem. He calls my daughter his daughter. When I cry, he attacks the source of my tears.

A Guy Caught Us Doing It And Started Raising An Alarm

Because of who my husband is, I’ve never had a reason to hate his parents, though they hate me and want to hurt me. I’m rather thankful to them for raising a man like my husband. A lot of work might have gone in. I don’t know how they instilled that quality in him. So I’m thankful. Each time I go on my knees, I pray for them for a change of heart and a change of perspective. My daughter is sick but it doesn’t mean I bear sick seeds. Like the dust, I know everything will settle down one day and when it happens, I’ll own the happiest family on earth. That is what keeps me going. Hope and dreams.   

—Adjoa

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