This is not the first time I’ve had an intense crush while in a serious, committed relationship. When it happened, I distanced myself from whoever it was as much as I could. But this is different. Back then, I wasn’t married, so I could give myself permission to crush, adore, or fantasize about any man I found worthy.

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Now I’m married. Since marriage, I’ve seen good-looking men and have worked with a few who innocently sweet-talked me into doing their work for them on time. It’s the bribe they paid, but in my mind, what they said did something to me. Such crushes didn’t last. Once the work was over and they were out of sight, it ended there.

This one keeps staring me in the face because he’s our neighbor. He lives right next to our house. I see him when he dresses up and goes to work. I see him when he returns from the gym, sweaty and sweet. He would lift his hand and wave at me. We would talk for a few seconds before he goes inside.

He has a girlfriend who comes around often. She’s pretty, but she annoys me. She hasn’t done anything wrong, but the woman sleeping with my crush is an automatic enemy. When she comes around, my mood changes. When she leaves, I don’t want to see that guy. He greets me, and I don’t respond with excitement. He’s unknowingly cheating on me, and it hurts.

Days ago, I had a fight with my husband because of this guy. His girlfriend had come around, and I was sulking. Unbeknownst to me, my husband was trying to have a conversation with me. My mind wasn’t there, so he screamed my name. I got agitated and started a fight:

“Why are you shouting? Am I a dead body you’re trying to resurrect? What’s the screaming for?”

He talked, and I talked. We spent about five minutes in a standoff confrontation before he stormed out. I was like, “What just happened?”

When he came back, I apologized to him but still warned him not to shout my name again and added that when he sees me having a bad day, he should leave me alone for a while. The truth of the matter is, if this guy comes hitting on me, I would reject him. I would do it because I’m a married woman and have no intention of soiling my matrimonial integrity.

Someone Who knows What It Means To Be In Love


But here I am, crying over a neighbor who doesn’t know about the existence of these emotions I’m harboring inside. Sometimes I talk about it in the third person and see if my friends will advise me to talk to the guy about it. But they all tell me, “That woman is possessed with the spirit of adultery.”

If that’s true, at what riverbank can I purge off this spirit and say goodbye to it? Where’s the tree Zacchaeus climbed to see Jesus passing? I need to be on that tree as soon as possible before this spirit consumes me.

—Francisca

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