Five years after marriage, we didn’t have a child. Things got messy. My wife’s emotional pendulum kept swinging from left to right without ever settling down. When her junior sister got married and gave birth a year later, things got messier. She felt she was being laughed at. We didn’t sleep. We prayed. We took our drugs. We had sex. God came through. In the 6th year, she gave birth to a boy.
I love this boy to bits. There’s nothing I won’t do for him. When his mom shouts at him, I run to his defence. When he cries, I scream to ask what happened. When he started school, I told the teachers to take extra care of him. Three years later we had another child. Another boy.
The problem is, I can’t connect with this second child. I try to love him but it doesn’t work. When he cries I don’t care. I buy things for the first easily but when it comes to him, I give excuses. My wife says he resembles me. Not only her. Everyone says he resembles me. I stand in the mirror and look at his face and mine, nothing there tells me we resemble.
I don’t hate him. Far from it. I just don’t feel connected. Like a different egg was given to the chicken to hatch. The first one is easy. He calls me dad and I’m proud. The second one says Dad and I’m like, “Dad? Who? Me?” Of course, I don’t say it out loud.
It breaks my heart. I’ve cried about it. I’ve prayed about it; “God, give me a heart to love him. He’s mine but why is the feeling different?” He’s three. He’s innocent. He’s clever in the way he says things. He played around innocently and laughed out loud with his brother. But when there’s an issue between them, no matter what happens, I would blame him for the mistake. Of course, he’s the one who is always wrong.
Did Marriages Last Longer In The Past?
I want to change. He hasn’t done anything wrong. I want to love him just equally and I want to do it without trying. Why is it too hard to love my own son? I don’t know but I want to love him. I want to care. I want to stop making him the culprit. I just want to be his father. Is this normal? How do I go about it before it becomes a problem?
—Tony
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You need to see a psychologist or counselor.
I think this is natural but you only need to manage it. Most parents have their favorite child irrespective of how many children they have. You just have to manage it well in such a way that the rest of your family wouldn’t notice the selective treatment. Always make a conscious effort to be fair with both children and you will overcome it. God be with you.
DNA sir . I say it cos you made mention of the fact that you don’t see any resemblance. Have it done and when you get the results and he’s yours the love will come naturally. Don’t make an innocent boy suffer neglect for no fault of his it’s painful and heartbreaking. You are in doubt of this child’s paternity.