Not too long ago, I met a guy and fell in love with him. His constant calls and text messages consolidated my feelings for him. I’m a 25 years old girl and I’ve been in a few relationships. In all my relationship life, I’ve never met a guy who made me feel the way this guy is making me feel. I’ve met gentlemen who promised to love me through thick and thin but left me while it was still thick. This one calls me each morning and asks how my day is going to be like. I will tell him everything and ask him the same question. He will tell me, “My day is going to be all about you. I will be here waiting to talk to you. I will be here thinking about you. If time is on my side, I will rush to come and see you after work.”

We spoke for about one month and went on several dates but he didn’t propose. I went to his place once. Everything that went on that day showed that we were going to end the day as a new couple but the evening came and he drove me home without saying a word about love. I was getting frustrated so I asked him, “What are your intentions about us? We’ve been this close for some time now but I don’t know what to think about us because you’re giving me mixed signals.” All I wanted to hear from him was, “Dear, I’m in love with you and want us to start a relationship.” He was quiet on the phone for a while. He sighed heavily. I asked, “Have I asked a question I shouldn’t have asked?” He responded, “Not at all. I’ve also been thinking about us lately but there is a problem.”

My mind started racing. What could be the problem? Is it about my past? Or he doesn’t like a woman like me? What could possibly stop him from loving me?” He said, “I’ve loved you right from the day I set my eyes on you. I know you can be the one. I’ve been with you for a while and everything I’ve seen about you tells me you’re the right choice for me but…but… I have a girlfriend. I’m not talking about just a girlfriend. This is someone I’ve dated for four years now. Yeah, there are a few problems here and there but we’ve come too far to let things go. Had it not been her, I would have made you mine long ago.”

I could see my hands shaking. I tried to stop it but it kept shaking even when I closed my fist and tightened my grip. I asked him, “So what do we do?” He answered, “I don’t know. I don’t want to lie to you and create a complicated situation around us. I love you too much to hurt you that’s why I’ve told you the truth. But I don’t think this should change anything. We can be who we are now. Who knows, a door may open along the line. When that happens, we can go through the door without any problems.”

“So you’re saying I should wait for you?” 

“No, that would be very wicked of me to ask you to wait for me. I don’t know how things may end between me and my girlfriend so I can’t give assurances. The only thing I can assure you of is my undying love and care.”

I was confused when I didn’t know what was in for the two of us but after that conversation, I got more confused than ever. I told myself, “I won’t wait for him but I will keep him around as a friend and see what would happen in the future. 

We are just friends but everything we say or do make it look like we are more than just friends. His girlfriend travels a lot so we spend a lot of time together. Every weekend when his girlfriend is not around, he will come for me and we’ll go out and chill. One night, we both had a lot to drink and ended up in his house. I spent the night with him in the same room and in the same bed. I wasn’t too drunk. I had my composure and my thought was lucid. I saw everything that was happening. After we took our bath, he hugged me in bed, planted a kiss on my forehead, and said, “Good night.” I said good night to him too. A few minutes later, he was snoring like a baby. I couldn’t sleep. I was watching him and thinking about all the things I had to do to have him to myself. 

“Or I should leave traces of myself around? The girl will come around later to see it. It will turn into a fight and slowly weakened the foundation of trust between them.” 

I stayed awake and hatched a series of plans to end their relationship so I can have him to myself. The next morning, he did the same thing. He hugged me so tight, kissed my forehead, and asked me, “How was the night? Did you sleep well?” I had no sleep throughout the night but I lied; “Yeah I slept very well. How about you?” He answered, “Do I have any reason not to sleep well when you are here next to me?” 

Every word he says gets to me and hit the softest core of my being. “Why are you being so sweet when we can’t be together? Why are you doing this to me?” When I was leaving that day, I left one of my earrings under his pillow. It was a trap. I was planting commotion between him and his girlfriend. A few days later he called me, “Didn’t you leave anything  when you slept around the other time?” I answered, “No I didn’t.” He said, “When I see you tonight, remind me to show you something.” He came with my earring. He said, “Is it not yours?” He found it before his girlfriend could possibly see it.”

I’ve left panties under his bed. I’ve left my brazier hanging in his wardrobe. I’ve left strands of hair in his room and even lipstick on his shirt. It looks like he knows I’ll leave a piece of me there each time I visit so he cleans up after me so it doesn’t land him in a problem. Clearly, that plan wasn’t working so I gave up. One evening I called him and it was a call waiting. He called back in an hour’s time talking about a fight he was having with his girlfriend. He said, “That girl leaves me frustrated. It looks like I don’t know her. Each day reveals something new about her.” I said in my head, “Long may it continue. Fight like this serves my purpose so you guys should continue.”

A year later, nothing had changed. He was waxing strong with his girlfriend while I was in the shadows hoping something bad would happen to them so they break up. It wasn’t happening so I advised myself. I decided to move away slowly and find someone else I could call my own. I didn’t pick up his calls often. I didn’t respond to his messages. He came home telling me not to pull away from him. I told him the truth, “I’m pulling away because I’m tired of staying in the dark not knowing what to do with my life. I love you and you know it but your situation won’t allow you to love me back so what’s the point?” He said, “The point is friendship. You can find someone while we remain friends. It’s possible.”

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Anytime I try to pull away he comes stronger and closer. Days ago I told him, “I have a boyfriend. He doesn’t like your closeness to me. I nearly lost him because I always mentioned your name in our conversations. He’s the jealous kind so I want us to stay apart. We are friends but we can’t be that close. You have a girlfriend and I also have a boyfriend now. This shouldn’t be so bad.” He has started acting desperate. As if I’m his girlfriend and I’m running away. Now he calls me at dawn to ask me where I slept. If I tell him that I’m with my guy, he asks me to give him the phone so he would say hello to him. The whole thing is a lie but I’m enjoying the results. How he had become cringy and always calling me to find out my whereabouts. 

If I doubted his love for me, these few days have confirmed the depth of his love for me. But I keep wondering why he is still with his girlfriend if he loves me that much and can’t let me go. I’ve discussed the issue with a few friends of mine. Some say I should free him. They say I should be the reason for their breakup. One friend told me, “It’s either you set him free or you walk away so he lives his life without you in the frame.” I wish I could be the reason but how do I go about it? Something tells me he will be happy to end the relationship with her and I want to be the one to bring that happiness to him. Should I meet the girl and tell her what is going on between me and her boyfriend?

I’ve known him for almost two years and we’ve never fought but he and his girlfriend are always fighting. I feel the girl is also looking for a way out but hasn’t found it yet. Maybe if I’m able to come between them, I will set both of them free to pursue their own love desires. What do you think? Is that a good idea? If it’s a good idea then where do I start from?

–Jasmin

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