It was through me that Nathan met Adwoa. Nathan and I are very good friends. He comes to my place on weekends and doesn’t go back home until a new week begins. It was one through one of those visits that he saw Adwoa. I had a thing for Adwoa but I was taking my time to be friends with her and later propose. But the very moment Nathan saw Adwoa, he started hitting on her. I thought it was a joke but by the time I realized the two of them were dating.

Nathan came to my place to announce it. He showed me the messages of how everything started to the point Adwoa said yes. I felt a little bit jealous but I didn’t say anything. I clapped for Nathan and urged him on. I remember telling him Adwoa was a good girl so he shouldn’t treat her badly. He laughed at me. He said, “You know I’m not like that. I’ll treat her well paaa because I really love her.”

I knew Nathan and knew what he could do but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Because of their relationship, Adwoa drew closer to me than she used to. Whenever Nathan came around, he came with her. She would cook for us while we play video games and she’ll later join us to play the video games. I was the one teaching her how to play. She was very smart and a joy to behold whenever she had the gamepad in her hands. She was one of us; a family, a friend, a game mate and above all the girlfriend of my good friend.

One Friday night Nathan called. He wasn’t coming around because his old-time girlfriend was visiting him. I asked him, “So what should I tell Adwoa?” He answered, “You don’t have to tell her anything. I’d already told her I would be travelling this weekend. Just collaborate when she asks you about my whereabouts.” Adwoa came over that weekend. She asked if I knew that Nathan was travelling. I was feeling guilty but I said yes and even added that it was an emergency. She stayed for a while and later left.

Nathan said the girl was an old-time girlfriend. He lied. She was a new girlfriend. He confessed to me days later and the annoying part was, the girl was living closer to his house. “How do you date a girl in such proximity knowing Adwoa too would be coming around?” How are you going to handle them both?”

According to him, he proposed to that girl before Adwoa came along. The girl didn’t give him any positive response until he met Adwoa and started dating her. What it meant was, I was the one going to stand in for him while he continued lying to Adwoa. It broke my heart anytime I had to do that, knowing very well that I had a feeling for Adwoa.

The way we handled the situation, it was very difficult for Adwoa to suspect any foul play. We kept lying for several months until I decided to do something about it. I proposed to Adwoa. She was shocked. “I’m your friend’s girlfriend so why would you do that?” He thought we were putting her to a test. It got to a point she tried to avoid me. I told her the truth. That I loved her even before Nathan came along. “I was only taking my time to know you but Nathan came along and didn’t waste time. I don’t blame him. I blame myself for losing you to him.”

She couldn’t believe it but I tried all I could to make her understand the situation. It was hard. It took days, weeks and a couple of months before she realized some truth in what I was saying. She told me she couldn’t leave my friend for me because it will destroy everything. I assured her I didn’t care what it will destroy. “Once the destruction brings you to me, I don’t care. Everything else can collapse. As far as we stand, we can build something new.”

Nathan was busy juggling two affairs, lying throughout the day and spending little time with the two women in his life. Inwardly, I hated everything that was happening, even the fact that Adwoa was slowing down things because of him got me upset but I wasn’t ready to tell Adwoa about Nathan’s cheating ways. One day, her defence came falling down and I was there to go through the doors without any restrictions. We kissed. I wanted to go all the way but she said “No, a step at a time. I’m not yet comfortable with all these things. We are evil for doing this to a good person like Nathan.”

We’ve been dating on the side for four months now. Within these four months, Nathan has come around only twice. Adwoa barely goes to his place because there’s always a lie that prevents her from going there. Recently I told her the truth, “Leave him. He’s not the guy you think he is. He has another girl. It’s the reason everything changed between you two. If you walk away from him today, nothing would be broken. He would later see us dating and I’ll be the one to do the explanation.”

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She didn’t believe what I was saying. She thought I was saying it just to have her all to myself. “It’s already murky. Don’t make things worse or else, we’ll all be the losers,” She told me. I understand her fears but what I feel on the inside is heavier than her fears. I’ve dedicated my days to proving to her that Nathan is cheating just like we are so she shouldn’t make us the devils while she paints Nathan clean. I’ve shown her enough evidence for her to make a decision but she’s still wasting time.

I told her to visit Nathan one evening because he hadn’t travelled. She didn’t. She wasn’t ready to see the truth. Now she’s accusing me of being an accomplice to Nathan all this while. She said if she can’t believe Nathan then she couldn’t believe me too because we are a branch from the same tree.

She still sees Nathan but gives me excuses. It looks like she had come to accept who Nathan is and she’s ready to cope while she leaves me behind. I love her. I prove to her every day and night that she’s the one I want. While I choose her over everything else, Nathan chooses the other girl over her yet it’s Nathan she always goes to. I’m frustrated and don’t know what to do. I’ve come to a point where I want to sit down with Nathan and discuss this issue man-to-man.

“Nathan, I can see you love that girl more than you love Adwoa. I love Adwoa more than anything else but the way I see it, Adwoa loves you blindly and chooses you over me. Can you leave her for me in the spirit of friendship?”

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I’m ready to have this conversation but I want to know if it’s a good thing to do. I may lose my friendship with Nathan. He can call me a snitch or accuse me of breaking the Bro code. I don’t mind as far as I end up getting Adwoa to be with me. This is matters of the heart, please don’t judge me. You can call me stupid, blind or an idiot and I’ll understand because I’ve already called myself all these names. What I want now is a word or two to get me out of this maze.

–Thaddeus

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