Dear Barbra,

The sun set on our relationship too soon and it’s all my fault. I loved you from day one and I meant every word I said to you except of course the insult I dished out to you when I was angry. I’m not proud of those moments. I know I should have trusted you enough when you said that boy wasn’t your boyfriend. Indeed, something in me told me I should trust you but Barbra, I’ve been there before.

It started innocently just like yours started. My girlfriend of three years kept telling me I shouldn’t worry about the other guy because he was just a friend. I trusted her. I believed three years of a relationship was enough for her not to lie to me but she did. Months later, I caught them making out. I nearly died that day. If my eyes didn’t see it and my ears only heard it, I wouldn’t have believed it. It was in my girl’s room. He was on top and my eyes saw everything.

Before the start of our relationship, I told you this and you promised never to be like that girl. Something in your eyes said you were being truthful and indeed, I trusted you wouldn’t hurt me. But the day I saw you and that boy, I felt something was wrong. The way he held your hand and the way he touched you at every opportunity, I didn’t like it. Maybe you didn’t like him but clearly, I could see in his eyes that he had something cooking up in his heart for you. That’s why I started getting confrontational with him.

The memories of the past came kicking in and I said to myself, “I wouldn’t let this one take what’s mine.”

It was true I was being overprotective but who doesn’t protect what he truly loves? Yes, you didn’t lie when you said I was being jealous. Indeed I was. That boy meant no good, I knew it. I could feel it deep down my heart. I’m a guy and it’s easier for me to see when a guy is preying on what’s mine so I decided to put up a fight. I’m sorry if those messages I sent to him to stay away from you got you embarrassed. Insecurity—yeah, but I had every reason to be insecure. That guy wanted you for himself and it was obvious.

He helped you get a job. You said thank you. That should have been enough. Why was he sticking around trying to get your attention by all means? What he said in those messages I read wasn’t coming from a clean heart. “I miss you.” “I wish we could go out this evening just to chill.” “You’re beautiful when you smile.” All these messages from him can’t be for nothing. I’ve been wrong about so many things in my life but this one I was right. So that afternoon when I went to the guy’s house, I had only one message for him, “Stay away from Barbara. Find your own and be this kind to her.” Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned and it turned into altercations.

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I accepted my fault and apologized. Why didn’t you let it end there? Asking me to apologize to the guy felt like telling me to swallow my own tongue. That I couldn’t do. I saw the change in you and I knew you were planning something but I didn’t think you were planning to leave me until that day when you called to tell me it’s over. When I didn’t do anything, someone took my girlfriend from me. When I decided to do something, I lost my girlfriend. What else should a man do to keep his girlfriend in peace?

Tell me.

It’s been one month already and there’s no day that I wake up and don’t think about you. I have a confession. You blocked me on Facebook but I created a new account so I would be able to see your posts and see the beautiful phots you post of yourself. I’ve been suffering and out of this suffering cometh a new me. I’m a changed person. I’ve laid down my insecurities and ready to make things work. Find a place in your heart to forgive me and let’s start all over again. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. When you’re lonely and need someone to talk to, call my number. I’m the one who loves you truly.

Yours,

—Rudy

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