My husband and I live in the U.K. while our kids live with my sister in Ghana. The plan was for us to get settled and then process their documents to join us. We were supposed to do this as soon as possible. This way we wouldn’t be separated from them for too long. I thought we were going to stick together on this but everything he is doing these days shows that he is not on my side.

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It happens that my husband is a twin. His twin sister also lives here in the UK with her husband. These twins are so close. As a result, our families don’t live too far apart. In fact, we are on the same street. She can easily walk to our place and my husband too walks to her house when they need to have certain conversations.

Now, at the time we were processing our visa my husband told me, “We have to add my elder sister’s daughter to the application. That’s how we do it in my family.” I was a little confused at first but I asked questions and he explained.

According to the rules in his family, when someone travelling abroad, they take along a niece or a nephew. “My elder brother brought along my other brother’s child when he was coming.” It could have been any of our children we’d bring but I didn’t dispute that. “If it is a family tradition then that’s what we will do,” I gave my assent

Apart from the whole tradition bit, another reason I agreed was because his family sponsored our visa. It only seemed fair to do something for them in return.

A while after we got here my husband started acting strangely. We used to chat and share everything. However, he became secretive all of a sudden.

Whenever his sister called, he would speak in hushed tones. Either that or he would move to another room to talk.

I was curious about what was going on but I didn’t ask any questions. I know my husband well enough to wait for him to discuss whatever it was with me, in his own time.

It finally happened two weeks ago. We were having dinner when his sister called. This time around he did not lower his voice in whispers or excuse himself to speak to her. Surprisingly, he answered the call and put it on speaker.

She didn’t talk plenty. All I heard was, “Kakra, come over and let’s put things together.”

My husband ended the call after that. He must have seen the questioning look on my face. So he looked me straight in the eye and said, “My sister wants me to apply for a visa for one of our nieces so she can join us.”

I was shocked to hear this. We have two children back home. We’ve been working tirelessly and saving money so we could have them with us. So why did he decide to bring his niece instead?

What hurt me more than anything about the situation is that they didn’t think it was necessary to discuss this with me. The two of them worked together and even submitted the visa application before my husband deemed it right to tell me.

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I don’t understand why he tells his sister everything but he is able to hide something as important as this from me. Even intimate details about our marriage, his sister. Our gossip and chitchat, she knows them all. She might as well have been there when we had those conversations.

I am not happy with the way things are going but I don’t know how to address it without stepping on toes. These are twins I am talking about. I understand they shared a womb so their bond must be strong. But does it mean I should be an outsider in my own marriage?

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I am beginning to feel like my husband is married to his twin sister, and I am just a third wheel along for the ride. He prioritizes her and her children over me and even over our own kids.

I want to ask those who married someone who is a twin, is this behaviour normal? I need to know if at some point it will stop. Or did I make a mistake when I married a twin? I want my marriage to work. I am not trying to come between them but I need him to treat me as he should his life partner. How should I approach this without causing problems?

—Efe

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