If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.
For a whole week, we were not cool. I tried my best to get her to talk to me. She only gave one-word answers. I will ask, “You slept well?” She‘ll answer, “Yes.”
“Is there anything you will like me to get you when I’m coming home from work?”
“Nothing.”
“Why are you cold towards me? Is it because of the password issue?”
“Nope”
“Then What’s the problem?”
“Nothing.”
It was like that every day until one day, I hid the bag she goes to work with. I saw her moving up and down looking for the bag. I asked her, “What are you looking for?” She answered, “Nothing.” She went around, moving chairs and turning tables. I was looking at her. Finally, she called my name, “Joel, where did you put my bag?” I asked, “Which bag? What are you talking about?” She said, “I’m not in the mood to engage with you, just give me my bag, I’m getting late.” I said, “I haven’t seen your bag, trust me but if you want me to help you look for it, I will.” She said, ”Help me. Superman. Help me rescue my bag or else I’m stranded.”
She said it looking right into my eyes, with a stern face. I went inside and brought her bag to her. She said, “You’re trying too hard but you know the answer is very simple. Stop trying to play around with me. I’m not on talking terms with you.” I told her, “Go to work and come back, we’ll settle it.”
She was home before me. She was watching Tv when I walked in. I said, “110889K. The ‘K’ is capital.” She looked at me like she didn’t hear what I said. I repeated the whole thing again. She asked, “What?” I said, “You want the password. That’s the password.” She said, “I don’t want it again. When I needed it you didn’t give it to me. Now that you’ve deleted everything from the phone, you’re here giving it to me. What prevented you from giving it to me the other time?”
A friend of mine once said, “When a wife wants to fight you, you can’t stop her. She’ll find a reason. Whether feasible or not doesn’t matter to her. She’ll fight until she feels like she has won. If you don’t like any trouble, give her the win right from the start, so you can have your peace.” I should have heeded that advice but it didn’t occur to me the very first time. Nothing was lost, I was ready to just let her win.
Right in front of me, she told me she wasn’t interested. Even when I explained everything to her, she said, “You think I’m a child? Keep your phone. I’m not interested. Whatever you’re doing outside this marriage is between you and your God but I pray on judgment day I should sit next to you. I’ll like to know all those dirty secrete so I tell God, “Send this man to a special hell because he gave me hell.” I laughed. She laughed too. She said, “You think I’m lying. Pray I don’t sit next to you on judgment day. You’re dead.”
She softened up a little. We moved from one-word answers to a real conversation. I told her to trust me. She said, “Trust is earned.” I said, “But if you don’t give me the chance how do I earn it?” She said, “You earn it by confessing your sins. Who was that message for? Your last chance to redeem yourself.” “That message was for you. Everything I said was true. Maybe I chose the wrong time to do it or said it in the wrong way but the truth is only one. It was meant for you.” She said, “We’ll find out on judgment day.”
I woke up one dawn and saw her going through my phone. Immediately she saw me turning, she lied flat on the bed and even started making snoring sounds. Meanwhile, she doesn’t snore when she sleeps. I laughed in my head and continued sleeping. I don’t know how long she kept checking on my phone but it looked like she got busy anytime I was asleep. One morning she said, “Eish, you can send Momo papa. And you don’t even send some to me? So who are those people enjoying the cash?” I pretended I didn’t hear her question. I said, “Huh?” She said, “Forget it.”
Obviously, she didn’t find what she was looking for so she had to build a case on something different. “When a wife wants to fight, you can’t stop her.”
Months later she forgot about everything. She was more relaxed around me and both of us were having the best times of our life. I brought the topic back to the table again. “What was it about the message I sent that got you triggered?” She said, “It came out of nowhere. I was home with you in the morning, you didn’t say it. You sent it through a message and you didn’t add my name to it. Nothing about it showed that it was mine. I was right to think that it was meant for another woman. I want to trust you because you’ve been consistent with your answer but it was too sudden.”
I said, “It came on your phone. Isn’t that a proof enough? That it was meant for you?” She said, ”We send mobile money to wrong people all the time, how much more a message? It’s possible.” I said, “I didn’t lie. It was meant for you.” She said, “So why have you stopped? Why didn’t you continue.”
“It was too sudden.” “You didn’t add my name to it.”
These were the key things I picked from her answer. She was right to a certain extent. So I changed the method. Instead of sending it through a message, I say it verbally. She can’t doubt the words from my mouth. I can’t say to her what I meant to say to someone else. She hears it from me and she answeres with a smile or says it back to me. We are good again after several weeks of fighting.
I need to work on how often I say it but I’m trying. I’m trying every day
—Joel
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