Ever since my first year at the university, I have been dating my lecturer. I am currently twenty-three and in my second year while he is in his thirties. He is not married so I know I am the only woman in his life. If he has others on the side, I haven’t seen or suspected anything to make me think he does.

He said he was going to marry me so he has been the only man in my life. I am not one to entertain men either way so it’s not as if I was even tempted by the idea of other men. Nonetheless, that’s the one thing Amoah doesn’t want to accept about me. He treats me as if he doesn’t keep me on a tight leash, I would slip through his fingers and be lost in a sea of guys my age.

Right from the beginning of the relationship, he started exhibiting some possessive traits. I thought it was one of the usual things men do to mark their territories but at some point, I started feeling stifled.

Every time he saw me talking to someone, his nostrils would flare up in anger. And his hackles would rise like an angry dog. It didn’t matter who I was talking to. It could be my coursemates or even other lecturers. Whether they are men or women, it didn’t matter. As long as they were in my space, he would strongly express his displeasure. “People can be bad influences. That’s why I have been trying to protect you from mingling with just anybody at all,” he would say to justify his actions.

We fought about it often. Every time he got unreasonably possessive I would tell him, “Amoah, I am a human being, not an Island. In case you’ve forgotten, humans are social beings. But left to you alone, I would be walking this earth invisible to everyone around me. Is that healthy?” He would tell me I was misunderstanding him. Meanwhile, he would give me a death stare just for talking to another human being. You would think I was committing a crime just by interacting with others.

His possessiveness aside, he has been supportive in other aspects of my life. He takes good care of me financially. I have never lacked anything since I met him. Unless I don’t ask him for something, he would provide. He has introduced me to his mum and dad and they love me.

Two months ago I discovered that I was pregnant. I was worried it would affect my school considering that I wasn’t trying for a baby. However, when I told him about it he took it well. He encouraged me to keep it. “Don’t worry about how much things will change for you. I will be here to support you every step of the way. I promise you won’t do it alone.” He assured me we would get married but only after my graduation.

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He came home to meet my parents a week after I broke the news to him. He claimed responsibility for the pregnancy and declared his intentions to marry me. Things were going so well until something happened recently. Despite his possessiveness, I’ve maintained a platonic friendship with a classmate from my department.

We often study together in a group setting. When Amoah found out about the study group, he was upset. He confronted me about it, ranting on and on with unwarranted accusations. “You are engaging in appropriate behaviour with that group of people you claim you study with.” I couldn’t believe how insane he sounded. You would think I was in prison and he was my jailer.

He Got Me Pregnant And Also Got His Ex Pregnant

Although his behaviour wasn’t new to me, this time around it was too much. I just couldn’t handle the outburst. I feel like I can’t even breathe anymore. If he can get jealous because of my study group, then what kind of future am I going to have if I end up with him?

I’m now considering terminating the pregnancy and ending our relationship due to his persistent mistrust. I fear our union may not be sustainable if he continues to struggle with insecurities. I can’t even have fun with my colleagues without looking over my shoulder to see if he is hiding in the shadows watching me. Am I wrong to take this drastic decision to sever ties with him? After all, if I continue to keep the reason, he will find a reason to remain in my life and be controlling my every move.

— Bernice 

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