My uncle got angry when he tried to see me through nursing school and I refused. I said I wanted to be a teacher instead. That was my passion, teaching. As for nursing, I had no interest in the field. My rich uncle who is a doctor sees it as a promising field for me. He tried to persuade me but I insisted I preferred to teach. He also said he wouldn’t waste his money on a teaching certificate. That’s how he washed his hands off my affairs.

This situation was stressful for my family. My mum raised me and my four siblings as a single parent. In addition to her biological children, she was also taking care of three of her late sister’s children. It seemed accepting my uncle’s help would have been a good way to lift the burden off her. However, it wasn’t something I wanted to do. So my mum also left me to hustle and take care of myself.

I couldn’t make it to the teacher training college but along the line, I developed an interest in photography. I learned how to work a camera and take pictures for a living. I also learned how to give men haircuts. I did that too on the side for money. I acquired painting skills as well. So I also painted rooms and got paid for it. These are the jobs I did until I was able to raise enough money to enroll myself in media school.

In 2017, I completed the media school and was able to work with one media house in Accra. After I gathered enough money from my job, I bought UDS forms in 2019 and applied to get a degree. I didn’t tell anyone in my family when I started school. It was my sister who was in her final year at UDS who saw me and reported to my mum that I was in school.

My uncle, who had sworn never to help me again, heard of my presence in school and reached out. By then he had moved abroad for work. He asked how I was surviving in school, and I explained that I did my photography while in school. It helped me earn money for upkeep. In 2020, he decided to start paying my school fees. I was more than grateful for his help.

Now, in the same year 2019 when I started school, I accepted to be in a romantic relationship with a childhood friend. He was my first boyfriend but I was his third. This made things difficult for me. He had tasted things and liked it. I hadn’t eaten or been eaten by anyone and I wanted it to remain that way. That’s why I made it clear to him right from the beginning of the relationship that there would be no intimacy until marriage. He said he didn’t mind waiting for me.

Our relationship became official when his parents came to see my family and performed the knocking rites. I wasn’t doing so well financially but his situation was worse than mine. He was in his final year at Pusiga Training College. He didn’t have the financial muscle to pay for his fees when he got to his final year.

I had to sacrifice and defer my course for a year and gave my fees that my uncle paid to this boyfriend of mine so he would complete school. I had to come up with lies and stories when they asked about my completion. A lot happened but by God’s grace, I was able to pass through to my final year.

We live in Kumasi while I schooled in Tamale. Due to the long distance, I could stay in school for eight months before going home. One day I had been on campus for so long that I started missing my boyfriend. So I decided to go home and surprise him.

When I arrived in town, I didn’t even go home. I went straight to his house. His door was unlocked so I just entered. Let’s just say that what I saw had me frozen. I couldn’t take any step as I stood there in shock, watching my boyfriend pound into another woman. He turned and saw me looking at them. The last thing I remember was the sheepish look on his face as I turned around and headed straight home.

I was hurt but I didn’t let my family see my tears. The next morning, I went back to school. Two weeks later, he went to my mum and confessed everything to her. My mum called me to confirm his story. I wanted us to talk about it, just between us but since he had confessed, I had no option but to tell my part of the story.

I was still in shock at this point. I blamed myself for not letting him have sex with me. I blamed myself for letting another woman win my man. His family came and apologized but by that time, I had made up my mind to end the relationship. I have this belief that if a man cheats while you are dating, he can also cheat while married. So I couldn’t take him back. We parted ways and he got married to the lady two years ago.

After him, Koo came along. His family loves me so much that sometimes I tell him, “Even if something happens to break us up, I will think about your family and reconsider my decision to leave.” Eight months into the relationship, I visited him and had the shock of my life.

First, it was his elder sister who called me sounding angry. She said, “Call Koo and tell him that is he doesn’t tell you the truth, I will inform you myself.” It sounded weird so I called my guy. He assured me that there was nothing to tell. “My sister is just being dramatic. You know how she is.” I believed him until I went to visit him and went through his phone.

I didn’t know if he was with the lady before I came into the picture or if he was with me before getting her pregnant. One thing I knew for sure was that they had a baby. I saw their chats and the pictures of the baby on his phone. When I called his sister she said, “Our father gave Koo three months to spill the beans. If he doesn’t we will tell you ourselves.” It was within that three months that I went to visit them and saw everything for myself.

All these while we were not having intimacy, so once again I felt responsible for his behaviour. That same evening, the family gathered and everyone pleaded on his behalf. Then they left us alone. He also did his own pleading. I was still in shock so I asked him to give me two weeks to figure things out.

He didn’t pressure me. Within a week, I prayed about it and chose to forgive him. All this while, I didn’t inform my family about his indiscretion. Even to date, they know nothing about his baby.

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Apart from this, Koo has been good to me. He doesn’t let me lack anything. After school, I wasn’t working so he took care of me. He doesn’t have much but he’s a kind person. His family and the lady’s family have solved the issue. They compensated her.

Now, my rich uncle wants me to join him abroad. When I informed Koo, he said we should pray about it. My problem is, that Koo’s sister once faced this travelling wahala. She was once married to a man who later travelled abroad. When he got there, he told her to find someone else and get married to him because he didn’t want her anymore. Based on her experience, Koo’s family believes I will do the same thing to their son.

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We are planning to get married in November this year before I leave, but his father is singlehandedly ruining our plans. All because it has happened to them before. If I should tell my uncle that I choose marriage over his travel plans, he will never help me again. Meanwhile, if I travel, I can help my other siblings financially.

Koo is worried and so am I. If he should leave me because I chose to travel, he would be the second man I have taken home to my family that led to nothing. I don’t want this to happen but I don’t see any other end in sight. I have no idea what to do. Tell me, what do I choose; my travel plans or my marriage to Koo?

— Yvonne 

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