I and Bernard started dating when I was in my second year at the university. He was a Teaching Assistant and did everything to make me happy. I thought he was the one so I gave my all to make the relationship work. I had many suitors pursuing me at the time but my love was for Bernard so I couldn’t give them ears. One man came my way. He was very serious about getting to know me so he could make me his girlfriend. He said, “Look at me, I’m not a boy. I’ve been married before but it didn’t work. If you say yes to me today, it wouldn’t take us a year. We would be married”

He looked rich and acted rich. I’m not into cars but the car he drove looked very expensive. A girl like me should have given him a chance but instead, I ran to Bernard, told him everything and we made a mockery of the man. “I said, “He thinks his car and affluence can sway me to his side. Bernard said, “He’s late, he should go and look for another woman because this one is mine.”

I completed school and left campus. Bernard had been employed as a permanent lecturer and he was doing well. We were both happy, always dreaming of our future together. After national service, I had a job where I was posted to. It was a good job and a great opportunity for me to grow my career. Our relationship was four years old when I started asking Bernard questions about our future;

“Bernard, what’s the plan for us? We are not getting any younger, you know.”
“Yeah, I know. We have to start making plans to take the relationship forward.”
“When are we making that plan?”
“Let’s be patient and see what the future holds for us.”

I was patient for another two years and still saw nothing. Yes, we didn’t have any problem. We met, we had fun, and laughed our hearts out. He would take me out on weekends to exciting places. He called every time to check up on me. He never cheated on me and I had no reason to suspect he was cheating on me. When I was on leave, I would spend a week or two at his end, and throughout, he would give me the necessary attention and ensured that I was happy. The only thing I couldn’t understand was his reluctance when it came to marriage discussions. He always gave me the impression that he was happy about the way we were and giving the chance, he would do anything for us to remain just boyfriend and girlfriend.

I didn’t want that. I wanted more than just being a girlfriend.

“Bernard, what are you scared of? Why don’t you want us to talk about marriage? It’s been six years since we started dating. What’s holding you back. Talk to me.”
“Nothing is holding me back and I don’t have fears. You’re a good woman every man would love to settle down with but let’s give it some time. The right time would come for us to get married.”
“Six Years isn’t enough? Ok, tell me, what are your plans and when do you think would be a good time for us to get married?”
“I don’t know but let’s wait on God’s time. Everything would be alright.”

I was twenty-eight when we had this conversation. At twenty-eight, I had a stable relationship but with no future in sight.

All along, there was this guy hovering around trying his best to woo me. I liked him. I really do but I didn’t want to cheat on Bernard that’s why I didn’t give him a chance. One day he came again. He came to my house to visit. He came with gifts and later took me out. That night he was at the edge of his feelings. He said, “It’s been almost a year since my first proposal. If you said yes to me, we would have been married by now. What’s holding you back?” I said, “Bernard. Bernard is the one holding me back. I love him and don’t want to do anything to hurt him.” Then he asked the question that caused a shift in my mind. He asked, “You love him and don’t want to hurt him. Does he love you the same way that you do and is ready not to hurt you?”

I said, “Yes, I believe so.”

Then he said, “If he loves you the same way, he would have married you by now. Who dates a woman like you for over six years and doesn’t marry her? The way I see it, if you don’t take care, you’ll end up old and alone while he’ll be married to someone else.”

So, the next day, I went to Bernard and gave him an ultimatum. I said, “We have only one year. Come up with a plan for the relationship or I would walk away. Who dates a woman like me for six years without thinking about marriage? Do something now or I walk.” The next day, he came up with some lousy plan saying that we should be married in the next two years. I bought into it. It was hopeful than nothing. But as time went on, he changed. He didn’t call like he used to and didn’t visit like he used to. I brought his attention to it but he always had an excuse. One day he told me, “You’re a good girl. I don’t want to continue wasting your time since you want to be married as soon as possible. Let’s break up so you can find a man who’ll buy into your dreams.”

I should have been angry. I should have cursed him. I should have gone gaga on him but the day he said that there was this form of peace that fell on my heart. Suddenly I was cold and warm at the same time. Suddenly I felt like a bird set free. I said, “You wasted my life but I forgive you. You’re not a bad person. I just didn’t fall into your plans. I wish you well. I wish you a calm life but never come after me someday because I know you would. No one leaves a girl like me and never comes back.”

It hurt a little. As the days went by it begun to hurt more but I was happy for closure and happy for the release. I gave that guy who was pursuing me a chance. He was a wonderful guy. He made life easier. He made loving him easier. He made moving on very easy. There was nothing he promised that he didn’t do. He was like an upgraded version of Bernard. Bernard with a dream.

We dated for a year and started making plans to get married. All that while, Bernard was hovering around trying to get my attention. He had regretted and wanted me back. He said, “We would be married in the next five months if you give me another chance.” I said, “Devil, be gone from me.”

When our invitation was ready, he was the first person I sent an invite to. He said, “I know why you’re marrying him. It’s because he’s richer than me. Women and money.” I didn’t bother to explain. A week before our wedding, Bernard’s phone called. I picked up. It was a girl talking. She said, “This is Bernard’s sister. My brother is very sick and he had been mentioning your name. I think he wants to see you.” The people we’ve loved before become our weakness sometimes. I hurriedly went to his house to see him. When I entered, he was seated there watching TV. Nothing about him looked like he was sick. I said, “Your sister said you were sick.” He said, “You see you still love me? If not, then why did you run here?” I said, “I run here because I thought I could help.”

He tried to get touchy, I punched his hands off. He tried to get to me with his words, bringing back memories of good times we’ve shared, I blocked my ears. He was trying to get to me emotionally but I was like a brick. He said, “Let’s have the last meal. It’s just between you and me. You know I love you.” I said, “Sit down, just relax. You know I love you too and I’ve been thinking of having this closure with you. Just sit and allow me to relax so I can be in a better frame of mind for this.

He left me. Walked to his bedroom to pick something I suspect was a CD. I picked my bag and dashed out. He tried to catch me but I was out before he could reach me. I said, “I forgive you.”

A week later, I got married to this man who came into my life and made everything new. He makes life easier and makes me think, “Why didn’t I say yes to him the first time?” Maybe it’s my lot but whatever my past has been, I’m glad I have a beautiful present and also excited about the future ahead of me. The surprising thing is, Bernard is still in the shadows trying to get my attention. His last message to me before I blocked him reads, “I would never give up on you because you’re the only woman I’ve truly loved.”

–Faith

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