I lost my job due to the financial sector cleanup in 2018. Thankfully, my husband has been taking care of me and our four beautiful children without any complaints. I don’t have to beg him or strong arm before he does the bare minimum for our family. He gives us what we need before I even ask. While I considered it a good thing that my unemployment did not cause financial strain on our marriage, another aspect of our relationship has been injured.

Because I no longer contribute financially toward the running of the home, my husband no longer sees me as an equal partner. He used to discuss his projects with me so we would come up with plans for execution. He stopped doing that since I lost my job. Sometimes I would come across his documents before I see new plans for his projects. The first time I realized it I was disappointed but I didn’t confront him. Rather, I started bombarding him with questions about the projects and his work, in hopes that I would get something out of him but he wouldn’t talk to me.

My man who used to talk to me incessantly about his life and activities all of a sudden became the strong silent type. Our flow of communication shifted. It was always me doing the talking, and asking him questions he mostly answered with a shrug or “I will tell you about it when there’s something to tell.” At first, he would chat with me on WhatsApp whenever we were apart. Now, he doesn’t. Even if I text him, he wouldn’t reply to it. He would wait to get home and ask, “I saw your text. What did you want to talk about?” In the past, we could both take a break from work and call each other just to have a conversation about anything at all. Now, when I call him while he is at work he wouldn’t pick up. And when he did he would ask, “Is everything alright?” If I answer yes, he’d respond, “Then why did you call? I am at work.”

As if denying me of his attention is not enough, he denies me sex too. He turns me away when I am in the mood. Even when I try to seduce him, he wouldn’t be moved. The only time we have shuperu is when he wants to do it. I am not able to randomly hug my husband or give him a kiss anymore. He doesn’t allow it. So now we are like an old married couple in a loveless marriage. Meanwhile, we have only been married for eleven years. If I knew that losing my job would do this to my marriage, I would have fought tooth and nail to keep my job. Or I would have done my best to secure another job as a backup. Because it has been difficult for me to get another job while I was home.

READ ALSO: What Does It Mean When Your Girlfriend Tells Her Friends About Your Size?

I sent in so many applications but none of them yielded fruits. So I had to start an online business to keep myself busy. When my husband saw that I started the business, he started telling me, “I don’t have money,” any time I asked him for money. I knew it was his way of saying, “You are earning money now, so I don’t need to pay for everything around here anymore.” My business had not started yielding fruits yet but I did the best I could to pay for certain things around the house. I told myself, “All my marital problems began when I lost my job. So maybe when I start bringing money to the table again, things would change.” What I found out later was that my man was too far gone to back to me.

I came across his WhatsApp chats on his laptop. Silent beads, I froze behind the laptop. He chats with his ex-girlfriend almost every day, even during working hours. The chats are intimate ones, but it’s not just that. The two of them are planning a secret wedding.

What Would You Do If I Died Today? | Beads Media

I knew our marriage had problems, but it never crossed my mind that he would cheat on me, let alone marry another woman while I am still in the picture. I feel so lost and confused. It is not as if I did not try to make him happy. God knows I did. Yet he told his ex, “You know I married my wife out of the pain you caused me. And the fact is, I have not been happy since I married her. It is you I love.” He has plans to travel out of the country with her so that they can be together without my interference.

He plans to visit the kids once every six months. His ex has also agreed to take care of our children if it comes to it. She also wants to have kids for him. They have everything planned to the smallest detail. They considered every possibility except my feelings. It is as if I am an inconvenience they can easily get rid of. I am disturbed. There is so much going through my mind. I know if he succeeds in leaving the country our marriage is over. How do I go about this? Please, I need help.

–A.J

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB