I was quite young when he convinced me to marry him. I was barely out of high school as I was still writing my WAEC when we got married. The plan was that I would further my education to the tertiary level even after marriage. However, when my results were released and I raised the topic of school, he wouldn’t hear of it. 

I tried to persuade him but all he did was frown and tell me, “If you want to go to school then go back to your father’s house. I didn’t marry you to spend money on your education.” I was surprised. That was the first time he ever spoke to me that way. I even made excuses for him that he must be stressed from work, and that he didn’t mean what he said. 

I expected him to return to his senses and apologize for his harsh remark but boy was I wrong. He went ahead to say more spiteful things to me whenever I thought of doing something that would earn me money. Once he told me, “Stay at home. I married you to make chicken for me. Do you think that if it wasn’t compulsory for a man to have a family I would have gotten involved with any woman?” I am wondering if there are any men here who would say this to their wives.

This man promised me heaven on earth when he was proposing to me but being married to him feels like my own portion of hell brought to me on this earth. He made sure I was cut off from my family. Even when I gave birth, he wouldn’t let my mother come and take care of me. For all the babies I had, I didn’t have my mother by my side because of him. 

Whenever my siblings tried to get close to me, he would get angry and find a way to drive them away. Meanwhile, I lived with two of his older brothers for twelve years. In addition to all his abusive and controlling behaviour, he is not a good father. He doesn’t get close to our kids, not to talk of building a relationship with them. These kids have grown to love me more as a result. 

Of all the things he has done, the one that wrecks me the most is the death of my parents. We lost my mum first and I feel guilty about it. I feel somehow I contributed to her untimely demise. When she was sick, I couldn’t go and see her because my husband did not allow me to. They called to ask for money to buy her medication. On my own, I had nothing. I begged my husband to send them some money but he didn’t. Not even a dime to buy paracetamol. 

I wept day and night because my poor mother suffered and sacrificed so much to take care of me and my siblings. Now that it was our turn to take care of her, I was nowhere to be found because of my bad marriage. I didn’t even have a phone to speak to them directly. He did not allow me to own one. So it was my neighbour’s phone my siblings called on to give me updates. 

Sadly, we lost my mum when she was only forty-seven. This man felt no guilt, remorse, or even sympathy for my mother’s loss. He didn’t want to contribute anything to the funeral when my siblings called. Even family meetings to discuss the funeral arrangements, he forbade me from going. 

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I kept giving my siblings excuses whenever they summoned me for meetings. After a while, I couldn’t even stomach myself for allowing this man to come between me and my family. So I took 3k from some money he put aside for the house rent. That was what helped me travel with my children for my mom’s funeral. When he found out, he asked me not to come back. He detained me and the children in my mother’s village for a year and seven months. “That’s your punishment for taking my money without my permission,” he said. 

Despite what happened to my mum, he didn’t do things differently when my dad got sick. I was already in the village so I didn’t need his permission to be present for my family this time around. However, he still didn’t contribute any money toward my dad’s hospital bills. And when he passed, my husband refused to show up for the funeral. I had to send him money before he changed his mind. 

I Found Him In Church Cheating Instead Of Praying

After those two painful losses in my life, I no longer allow him to stop me from working. I have my SSEC which I used to work in a warehouse, and as a secretary at another point. I have tried to do some businesses but those usually don’t go well. My husband would find a way to borrow the business money from me until I ran into debt and the business collapsed. He never pays back the loans too. 

Because of him, I don’t want to do business anymore. I am looking for a job now. I can run errands, take stock, or work as a personal assistant. I don’t want to be in a position where I am at this man’s mercy again because I don’t have money. If anyone here can help me get a job, I will be grateful. If it helps to know, I live in Lagos. 

— Laila

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