Grace often spoke highly of her brother. That’s how I got to know about his existence. Before I met him in person, I felt like I knew him through and through. Every chance she got, she sang his praises. He did no wrong in her eyes. Our other friends who also had the pleasure of meeting him said he was an amazing person. I believe it was why I considered him the perfect man to be with. After all the good things I had heard about him, he didn’t do too much before I fell in love with him. I fell hard and fast but he was there to catch me.

Our relationship was a long-distance one. He lived in another town where he was posted to work, while I also lived with my family, waiting to start work. Most of the times we saw each other, he was the one who visited home. When I tried to go visit him at his workstation, I was met with excuses. He would tell me, “Babe, you don’t have to stress yourself to make the trip. I will be home soon and then I will see you.” I knew he would be home but I wanted to see where he lived and worked.

When he agreed that I should visit him in the end, I found out why he didn’t want me there in the first place. He had another woman over there. They say it’s not a good thing to go through your partner’s phone but if I hadn’t done it, I wouldn’t have found out about the other lady. There were pictures of him kissing her. Now that I look back, I should have left him there and then.

I shouldn’t have believed him when he told me it was a mistake. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have taken his word for it when he swore he would change. I blame my love for blinding me into believing he could change. It is this belief that led me to forgive him and give him a second chance.

Along the line, I got pregnant. We were planning to get married before it happened. So we decided to put our plans on hold until the baby arrived. He kept his promise. Shortly after I delivered the baby, we got married. After that, I moved in with him at his workstation.

Our marriage was still in diapers when I noticed he was acting out of character. He started carrying his phone to the washroom. Sometimes he would step out to receive certain phone calls. I would check his call log later to try and see who he was talking to, only to find that he deleted his last call. I remember asking him, “What’s going on? Is there someone else in the picture?” He denied it. He made me feel I was accusing him wrongly. I didn’t have any proof so I let it go.

A few years into the marriage, he was transferred to a new place. We all went together. I was still waiting to be posted to work at that time. It made it easier for me to follow him. I was with him but he started acting sneaky again. He would spend a lot of time on his phone chatting but I never found anything when I went through his phone.

One day, I travelled to Kumasi. The day I returned home, he left his phone unattended. Just as I picked it up, I saw a number calling him. I answered the call and heard a woman’s voice. The moment I said, “Hello,” the person hung up. That was all I needed to know that she had something doing with my husband.

I made enquiries and found out that the lady was from the village we lived in. When I confronted my husband, he denied it. That’s how he is. He denies everything. Even if you catch him with his hand in the cookie jar, he will tell you, “It’s not what it looks like.” My question is, should a married man have a female friend who calls him frequently to ask him questions like, “What are you doing?” “Where are you?” “Have you eaten?” How should it concern you what somebody’s husband is doing with his life?

Whatever he was doing when I was with him worsened when I moved away to report to work. I didn’t want him to feel alone so I made it a point to go home every other week. I would go and perform my wifely duties; cooking, cleaning, washing, and shuperu. Sometimes he wouldn’t initiate intimacy. When I complained he would tell me to make a move if I wanted it.

That’s why it broke my heart when I found out he would leave home after midnight to go be with his girlfriend. This same man who wouldn’t make any effort to touch me when I am beside him was busy walking through the dark at unsafe hours to go and eat another lady who had a boyfriend of her own. She would tell my husband when she was going to meet her boyfriend and they would schedule their own rendezvous for him to also sleep with her. They talked about me as well. He would tell her when I was coming to town so they wouldn’t meet.

I saw all of that. I was pained by it. I cried and begged him to stop but he only got worse. As time went on, I just had to accept who he was. I decreased the frequency of my visits and redirected my attention toward my career and our two children.

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I would have kept looking the other way until recent happenings. There is a teenager who lives in the village he works at. My husband introduced her to me as a family friend. She should be around sixteen or seventeen. I used to cook and give some to this child and her siblings. I know her parents very well. That’s why I was shocked when I started hearing rumours that my husband was having an affair with her.

I didn’t want to believe the gossip so I went straight to him and asked him to tell me the truth. He denied it. “The problem with you is, you pay attention to hearsay,” he said. A lot has happened since then. He bought her a phone and registered a SIM card in his name for her. I know he will lie even if I let him know that I know. So I am quiet.

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I am just in shock. Despite all his cheating, I still had some respect for him. I guess I never thought he would stoop low enough to have a sexual relationship with a minor. I’m just a few years into this marriage but I have been stretched thin. I have been bent and broken. This is not the kind of marriage I envisioned myself having. This is not the dream I had for how the rest of my would be when I agreed to be his wife.

He keeps saying he will change but I know he won’t change. I am now in a position where a girl who is barely seventeen acts like she has authority over my marriage. All because my husband has no respect for himself, me, and our family. The most painful part is that the girl’s parents are aware of the affair and they are in support of it. When I think about this I just cry. How can someone intentionally hurt another soul like this?

— Trudy

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