First, there was Amina. I met her when I was assigned to Eastern Region for an assignment. I was only there for a few weeks but it didn’t matter. I didn’t want anything long-term. Just someone to warm my bed when the night got cold and lonely. So she was my girlfriend for those few weeks.

We kept in touch after I left. I mean, she was still my girlfriend but the relationship was long-distance. When I returned to Accra, my girlfriend Nasiba was waiting to welcome me into her loving arms. She couldn’t stop talking about how much she missed me. I also wouldn’t shut up about how lonely I felt without her. We spent as much time as we could manage together until my next assignment came.

This time around, I was sent to Tamale. I told myself I would focus on my work and return home but before long, I had gotten myself another girlfriend. Her name is Jay. She was sweet and warm and I was starved for intimacy. We made a perfect pair. She gave me her company the entire time I was there. I also took care of her as a man takes care of his woman. We were happy.

I didn’t promise her a future but I didn’t break up with her when I left Tamale either. The relationship just continued as a long-distance one. So now I had three girlfriends. Among all of them, Nasiba was my favorite. She knows how to make a man feel like a king. We never fought. The moment something goes wrong, she apologizes. Even if I was wrong.

After Tamale, my next assignment was in Sefwi. That place too, I found myself with another girlfriend, Mary. As always, I was committed to her the entire time I was there. She had my attention whenever she needed it. Somehow, I am lucky enough to always get good women. Mary was no exception. She was as good to me as I was to her.

Just like the others, I kept the relationship open. I should have been happy that I had four women who would come running to me if I called, but deep down I wasn’t. I wanted something deeper than what they gave me.

Well, Nasiba is different. She is exactly everything I want but I am not happy about the nature of our relationship. A woman like her shouldn’t be hidden in the shadows. She has such a strong personality but when she is dealing with me, she is soft and compassionate. She is also exceptionally supportive of all my dreams. When I think of her, one word comes to mind- devotion.

I wish I could marry her but here lies the case where I already have a wife. Zainab and I have been married for seven years now. We have three beautiful children together. I love my wife very much but our marriage feels like an empty space these days.

She is a medical doctor so her schedule is crazy busy. I’m an engineer so I am always on the road. The intimacy we once shared is no longer there. I tried to keep things alive and fresh between us but where is the time?

When she is at home with the kids, I am on the road, working on projects. When I am home, she is busy with work. The little time we get to spend together doesn’t do much to fill the cracks our time apart leaves us with.

It is this craving and desire for intimacy that led me into the arms of Nasiba. I’m not saying this to justify my behavior. All I know is that once I had a taste of an extramarital affair, I kept going. My relationship with all these women happened in a span of one year.

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It scared me that I was going down this road so I pulled the brakes. I did some self-introspection and admitted that I didn’t like who I had become. Besides, being with multiple women is stressful. The time, energy, and attention was just too much for me to keep up with. Because of this, I found a way to break up with all my girlfriends. Except Nasiba.

I know I should let her go but I don’t know how to go about it. She is too pure a soul for me to hurt her. Her unwavering devotion to me makes this situation an emotional minefield. How do you walk away from someone who has given you everything without breaking her completely?

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I can’t ghost her. She deserves better than that. If I try to pick a fight, it won’t work. She would just apologize and leave me feeling worse than I already do. The only way out I am left with is to have a conversation with her but what exactly will I say? She hasn’t offended me in any way.

I literally don’t have any reason for leaving her except that I want to work on my marriage. But I can’t tell her this. I have considered making her my second wife but I am not emotionally and psychologically prepared for another wife yet. This is why I am here this morning. How do I break up with a woman who is everything I want my wife to be? I need decent ideas on how to do it gently so she doesn’t get hurt. She is a good woman.

— Osman

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