I have been in a talking stage with a guy for the past five months. It has been a pretty slow but fun ride. Recently, I found a shocking discovery. I heard some rumors, so yes, I went snooping to find out what exactly was true. And I am so confused right now.

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He dated a girl when she was still a minor, and he was an adult. I happen to know the girl. The rumors were heard years ago, something I did not care about until I started talking to this guy. I asked her myself, and yes, they dated. Their relationship lasted through her college and his national service. Two years later, here I am in the picture.

That is not even the issue. The issue now is I told my mom everything from the very beginning. She even knows my latest discovery. I asked him about it, and he nodded in agreement.

I like him. I am getting comfortable around him, but what I found out has shaken me. Friends tell me maybe I am different, that I should not make an issue out of it. But am I? I want to ghost him, but there are questions I cannot find answers to.

1. What do I tell my mom if she asks me about our progress?
2. Ever since we had that conversation, I’ve felt some distance between us. Maybe I am thinking too much. Maybe I am not.
3. Is he indeed a changed man?
4. As much as I like him, I also hate him. I know people make mistakes and grow from them. I have made mistakes in my life. Why can’t I let go? Why can’t I just focus on us?

Is he truly a changed man, or am I forcing myself to believe that? How does an adult become attracted to a minor? What conversations were they having before feelings developed, and what exactly did he see in her? Is he the kind of man who finds children enticing, the kind you read about and hope never to encounter in real life? These thoughts disturb me and refuse to leave my mind. In as much as I like him, I also hate him for this, even though I know people make mistakes and grow from them, and I have made my own mistakes too.

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I believe in growth and redemption, so why can I not let this go? Why can I not simply focus on us? Part of me wants to ghost him and disappear quietly, while another part feels like I owe myself answers. I feel confused, angry, attracted, repulsed, and sad all at once. Maybe I am thinking too much, maybe I am not. That is why I am here, asking for help and needing all your opinions.

—Monica

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