I took a pause from the conversation we were having and asked him, “Are you even listening to me?” Of course, he wasn’t. He was busy texting and smiling at his phone. “Yaw,” I shouted. My voice was loud enough for him to look up from his phone with guilt imprinted on his face. “You don’t have to shout, Abena. I can hear you. I am listening to your story. Go ahead, what happened next?” I felt anger taking hold of me but I fought to remain calm, “Who are you texting?” He sighs in exasperation, “Here we go again. Are you going to accuse me of cheating on you? Why are women always like this?”

“Can you blame me? You hardly look at me these days. It’s as if you are in a side relationship with your phone. When I am talking to you, you are too involved with your phone to hear me out. You are even on your phone when I am lying next to you. Do you know how infuriating it is to be in a relationship with someone who is in a relationship with his phone? So I ask you again, who are you texting? Which girl is taking all your attention?” He laughed very hard and said, “Don’t do that. You know you are the only one who has my attention.”

I asked him then, “Have you noticed my new hairstyle? You didn’t even acknowledge it, let alone give me a compliment for it. If truly, your attention was on only me, you would have noticed it. Before you jump in with another spin, when was the last time you told me you missed me? I am the one who is carrying this relationship. I call you and text you. I am even here with you because I want to see you. You haven’t asked to see me in a while. If you don’t want me anymore just say it. It’s better than all the emotional abuse you are making me suffer.” That was when he dropped his phone and started apologizing for his neglect. He said he was just under a lot of stress from work, and that it had nothing to do with me.

In the past, I would have nodded and accepted his excuses but not this time around. I knew something was going on. He thought he was hiding it well but his behaviour was too obvious. How could I not notice that my boyfriend’s attention was on another woman? All the signs were there. When we first started dating, he was always texting me. So when I see him constantly typing on his phone with a sweet smile on his face, my mind already forms all the worst-case scenarios. Although I had my suspicions, I didn’t confront him. He would just lie and make me sound crazy. So I decided to gather proof for myself.

His behaviour continued until recently. I don’t know what happened but he became down all of a sudden. My man withdrew into himself. I felt this heavy cloud around him every time I visited him. Sometimes he would look like he had been crying. I tried to get him to open up but he wouldn’t talk. He was no longer texting on his phone as he used to. That was what made me more concerned. With all the discussions going on about men’s mental health, I started to wonder if Yaw was dealing with depression. The signs were there; withdrawn, no longer interested in activities that once made him happy, extreme sadness, and a lot of sleeping.

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No matter how many times I asked him, “Babe, what’s wrong?” he would say, “Nothing. I am fine.” Sometimes I would just visit him and tell him, “Whatever you are going through, I am here for you. I love you and I am ever ready to help you go through it.” I didn’t know what was going on so I didn’t want to leave him too much by himself. My schedule was busy but I carved time to be by his side every day. I was determined to do whatever I could to bring the light back into his life. I wanted to have the old Yaw back. The one who laughed when I was angry with him. The Yaw, who could text and joke with his friends. The one who apologized when he realized that his actions hurt me. I wanted him back very badly. So I decided to do the one thing I never do, to look through his phone and see if it holds the key to his sudden descent into sadness.

We were lying next to each other when he drifted off to sleep. I took his phone and opened his WhatsApp chats. I didn’t know what I was looking for but a particular chat caught my attention. Yaw had texted the person, “I am so sad, I need a hug.” He sent that text before he slept. I asked myself, “How can I be lying next to you and you’d text another woman that you need a hug?” I scrolled up to read more of their messages. Their conversations started in April. The things I saw in the chats were beyond betrayal. I didn’t notice when I started crying. This guy wouldn’t text me unless I text him first, yet he was always texting this girl first. I lost count of the number of times he told her he missed her.

When the girl texts him that she is going to the salon, my boyfriend would text her back, “Send me photos and videos when you are done. Let me see how beautiful my girl is looking.” This was the same guy who didn’t notice it when I changed my hairstyle. He doesn’t ask me to send him pictures and videos of myself. As I read more, I found out that the sadness he was experiencing was because of this girl. He had asked her to be his girlfriend and she turned him down. Then he spoke to the girl’s roommate to help him plead his case. But the girl still stood her ground and rejected him. So he became heartbroken and spiralled into depression.

Every Problem We’ve Had In Our Marriage Had Came From Our Sex Life–Beads Media

It pained me to my bone marrow that I was wasting my time and efforts to take care of a man who was heartbroken over another girl. Not just any girl but a girl he was emotionally cheating on me with. I felt my own heartbreak when I came to the realization. I woke him up immediately and asked, “Is this why you’ve been so down? Your attempt to cheat on me backfired? Or were you planning to leave me when she accepts your proposal? If you are acting like this over another girl, then what am I doing in your life?” Before he could try to lie and spin any more lies I stated, “This relationship is over. I wish you all the best in your sadness.” Then I stormed out of his place. He reached out to me with apologies, and I must confess that a part of me wants him so badly. However, I know that I deserve better so I don’t want to have anything to do with him again.

It really hurts. I feel like my heart is going to explode in my chest any moment from now. Please help me, how do I endure this pain? When will it ever end? I need it to stop.

–Abena

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