I just read Portia’s story and it’s very similar to my own lived experiences. My relationship with William was three years old when I found out what he did. Unlike in Portia’s case, he didn’t leave breadcrumbs for me to follow. He was a good actor. He knew how to play the part of the perfect boyfriend so effortlessly well that I bought his act. I believed it every time he kissed me and assured me, “Babe, you are the only woman for me.”

We had talked about marriage then but we hadn’t started the planning process yet. Not only did William cheat on me but he left evidence. The kind that everyone was murmuring about. “Have you heard what Willie did?” They whispered among each other every time I walked into a room. “He got another woman pregnant,” the rumours spread subtly, like the way sugar loses itself in the water yet alters its taste.

The look on their faces always said, “Aww poor you. I am glad I am not in your shoes.” Can you blame them? Even I didn’t want to be in my shoes. My married friends reached out to me with their nuggets of advice. They all said, “Hmm, what he did was bad. But reconsider your decision to leave him. A cheating man is like rain. You don’t move to someone else’s house because it’s raining in your house.”

His family also heard about what happened. They sent an entourage to me. They asked that I forgive him. They advised me to give him another chance. “He said he has learned from his mistakes. You are the woman he wants to marry and not the other one. Please, sleep on the matter and decide again.” While all these people were counselling me, William was lurking in the shadows, popping out every now and then to beg for my forgiveness.

I didn’t intend to but I ended up forgiving him. “I don’t do second chances but I am making an exception for you. Don’t let me regret it,” I warned him. He swore heaven and earth that he wouldn’t waste the second chance I gave him. A year and a half after this whole brouhaha, we got married.

Six months into the marriage, I found out my husband was cheating on me. It was with the same lady he impregnated when we were dating. Worse, he impregnated her a second time. I was also pregnant when I found this out. I felt so foolish for believing he would change. I was hurt and angry but I kept my calm.

I didn’t let him know that I knew. I didn’t breathe a word of it to anyone else either. The last thing I wanted was for someone to confuse me with pieces of advice like, “All men are like that so don’t leave him.” I knew what I wanted and I bought with my silence, the ability to execute my plans in peace.

Before I knew it, William was siphoning foodstuffs and my clothes from the house to his baby mama’s place. I imagine it was financially draining for him to look after two pregnant women and a child. My first impulse was to confront him about stealing my stuff for his woman but I controlled myself. I continued to shop for the house as if I didn’t know what was going on. He kept playing smart, stealing from Peter to pay Paul thinking Peter didn’t know about his stealing ways.

I took care of myself and my home. William thought he was a good actor by playing the role of a faithful and loving husband. I also matched his efforts by acting like the ever-dutiful wife. I kept at it even after I gave birth. Three months after our child arrived, his side chick also gave birth. All this while, I still hadn’t said anything.

READ ALSO: How To Catch A Cheating Girlfriend When She Least Expects It

When our baby turned one year old, I knew it was time for me to strike. I didn’t make any big revelations. I didn’t cause a scene or start a fight. I simply filed for a divorce. I was like a silent stream flowing into a house in a night when everyone was sleeping. He woke up to see his home flooded. That was when he started begging, crying and trying to mop the flood away. He didn’t want to let me go. He did everything within his power to persuade me but my mind was made up. This time around, nothing anyone said about forgiveness got to my head.

His Family came and sang like the canary but I pretended I was deaf to their melodies. Friend subtly tried to turn my heart towards forgiveness but I was firm and steadfast. When all that didn’t work, William tried to stall the divorce process to buy himself more time to change my mind. I knew it wouldn’t happen so I fought back with everything I had.

We spent three years in court. It was slow but I was determined to go through it once and for all. By the time I finally gained my freedom, all my finances were drained. I was buried deep in debt. It didn’t scare me. I told myself; “I will build my life back and be on my feet again in no time” and that’s exactly what I’m doing. By God’s grace, I have repaid everything and everyone I owed.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

I am slowly getting back on my feet. I am not where I thought I’d be at this point in my life but I am still grateful that I made my decision and stood by it. I have a firm grip on myself now. What happened with William will not happen again. I will not allow myself to be swayed by advice when I know that someone is not good for me.

Well-meaning people will confuse you by projecting their wants onto you in the name of, “Let me advise you.” In the end, only you know what is best for you and what you can work with so listen to your instincts. I want to tell Portia to believe in God and do what is best for her. The rest will fall into place. It is well!

—Leia

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