I was fifteen when we started dating. He was twenty-two then. Now, I know that it was wrong for us to be together. I mean I was a minor while he was an adult. Can you blame me though? What did I know at that age? All I knew was that a cool looking guy was talking to me. He said I was pretty, and that I was mature for my age. So I took it as a compliment when he said he loved me.
When we started dating, he gave me the impression that he had no one else in his heart but me. “I will never let you go. You are all I have,” he would say. All that time he was saying those things I thought he was being romantic. My silly teenage heart was swooning over these declarations of love. He was good to me, that was what stirred up some feelings in my heart for him.
Three years into the relationship, I found out he had a wife. By then I was still in school. I was in grade 11. “You are married? Since when?” He wouldn’t answer. Whether he married her while we were still together or he was married before he met me, he didn’t say it. “Where is your wife?” I asked him. “If she were here, you would have seen her by now. So the fact that you haven’t met her yet means she is not around,” he responded casually. My mind was boggled by this entire revelation. And my heart, oh my little fragile heart was a a riot.
He expected me to continue with the relationship as though it shouldn’t matter that he was married. I told him, “If I knew you were married, I would have stayed away. We wouldn’t have happened. But now that I know, I can’t in good conscience stay with you. We are done.” That was when he started showing remorse for his deception. He asked for forgiveness. He asked me not to leave him. I listened but I left still.
It took months after our breakup for me to find out I was pregnant with his child. I could not have gotten rid of it because too much time had gone by. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t even done with secondary school school yet. Now, I had to combine it with pregnancy. I was terrified. So many thoughts went through my mind. How would I face my parents and tell them a married man knocked me up? They’d be so disappointed in me. That was my biggest fear.
The first person I told first, was the married man. We hadn’t spoken in months so he was happy to hear from me. Then I told him the news and his emotions climbed as high as a mountain. The dude was excited. It even shocked me. He did everything a man does when he impregnates a girl. He claimed the pregnancy and took responsibility for everything. Although my parents were angry initially, they softened up once the baby arrived.
The man was also very supportive. Right from the pregnancy to when the baby came, we were cordial toward each other. When the baby arrived, he came around more often. We spoke more often too. “Is he feeding well?”
“Is he sleeping well?”
“Does he cry a lot?” He would ask these questions every morning, afternoon, and evening. He didn’t mind that I always gave him the same answers. “Your child is healthy and well. If there’s any problem, we will tell you.” After a while, it became obvious that his frequent calls were not only about the baby. He would try to talk to me about myself while using the baby as an excuse.
Before I could say, Jack Robinson, we were dating again. When my family found out about it, their anger could not be contained. “You said the first time you didn’t know he was married. That was excusable. Now what’s your excuse?” I didn’t have a pardonable answer for them so they disowned me and threw me out. I was distraught but this man wiped my tears and told me, “Don’t worry. You are the mother of my child so you are my responsibility. Everything will be fine.” He got a place for me and I moved in with the baby.
It Will Be Difficult For Me To Commit To One Person
At some point, he mentioned that his wife had returned. Considering how tight-lipped he was about his marriage, I didn’t ask too many questions. All I said was okay. He also didn’t say anymore. We were not living together so her return did not affect our relationship in any way. He continued to be there for us and provide for us as always.
Everything was perfect until l got a job a few months ago. All I wanted was to earn my own money but you would think I had stabbed him in the back by choosing to work. He got angry and said we were done because of it. It became a war between us. So I packed my things and took our three-year-old child by the hand. I was ready to leave. The only thing he said was, “You left me once and I let you. Try it again and you will not live.” He has held me at gunpoint before, so I know he can make good on his threats.
I have reported him to the police a few times but nobody does anything about him or his threats. This is why he always tells me I am his alone. He says he will make me his second wife but I have lost interest in him at this point. My only fear now is that he truly will hurt me if I try to leave. Should I go ahead and leave anyway? How do I get out of this situation without losing my life? I am only twenty-one.
— Judy, South Africa
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Try and reconnect with your family. Yes, they are mad at you but they can’t stay mad at you forever! Move back home. I doubt he will have the nerve to repeat this nonsense there.
Sammy has said it all.
Hmm this ur problem is tricky. Ur parents throwing u out was wrong and u dating him the second time u were total wrong but now u don’t ve any options than to back and plead with ur parents and reporting his threats to the police again by involving ur parents.