It all began when I met this lady at work on one of our training days. Our first encounter was memorable but it wasn’t the good kind. We had a fight. I don’t remember what we fought about or who caused it. All I remember is that it was ugly and loud. I cringe whenever I think about it.

After a long week of intensive and boring training, we made peace with each other. Gradually, we started getting along. It has often been said that the best friendships and relationships are the ones that start on the wrong foot. It seemed to be the same in our case. We moved from waving at each other and saying hello to texting occasionally. I really liked this girl but I took my time. I didn’t want to rush and get bounced so I was very patient. After a while, we went from texting occasionally to texting regularly. I would wake up and send her a ‘good morning’ text and she would also do the same. 

While at work, we texted throughout the day. It was fun and exciting. I didn’t know how she felt about me but I was sure that I was in love with her. That was when I decided to shoot my shot. I told myself, “We have to do it in a way that if we get bounced, we can still keep the friendship.” So I decided to go about it in a jovial way. 

One day, we were talking and making jokes about something when I said, “I am looking for a girl like you to date. Are you available?” She laughed and said, “Too bad I have a boyfriend. I will spread the word across and see what may come out.” From there I asked her questions about her boyfriend. She told me about their relationship and I could tell she was very much in love with him. I tucked my feelings in my heart quietly, knowing that I didn’t stand a chance with her. 

Our friendship continued regardless. We shared every detail of our lives with each other. We got so close that lines became blurred. We started sexting. It gave me hope that if I tried hard enough I could have something with her. I had a plan on how I would get her to be my girlfriend. My idea was to start being her side nigga. I convinced myself, “Eventually she will see how good I am. When that day comes, she will leave her boyfriend and come for me.” It was a silly plan but that was all I had to keep hope alive. Just as I was about to make my move, she started telling me about a guy she met named Kweku Frimpong.

He was all she talked about day and night. I am not exaggerating this. She sang his praises at the least chance: “Frimpong has done this.” “Frimpong bought me a gift” “Frimpong took me to lunch” “Frimpong is so sweet”. It was the worst form of torture she could unknowingly subject me to. At a point, I asked her, “You keep entertaining Frimpong at the expense of your relationship. Is that healthy?” She got offended; “That’s such a hypocritical thing to say. I have a boyfriend but I’ve been sexting you. Is that healthy? I don’t hear you complaining about that one.” I apologized and told her I would mind my business. 

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I smiled whenever she talked about this new guy but deep down I hated him. I felt I was making progress with her until he came along and swept her off her feet. I was jealous but I hid it very well. One day, I went to visit her unannounced. Kweku Frimpong was with her when I arrived. From the guilty look she gave me and the annoyed look the guy gave me, I could tell that I had interrupted something. Either I interrupted them in the act of shuperu or they were about to do it when I showed up. 

I was heartbroken by what I saw but I didn’t leave. I didn’t want them to pick up where they left off so I stayed. Things were awkward and uncomfortable as we sat there looking at each other. Eventually, Frimpong realized I wouldn’t leave so he left. 

Days later, I was still bothered by what I saw. She wasn’t my girlfriend so I wasn’t sure if I had the right to ask questions. One day we were talking when my curiosity got the better of me. I asked her, “Have you been sleeping with Frimpong?” She denied it vehemently. I didn’t believe she was telling me the truth but I couldn’t accuse her of lying when I didn’t have any proof. I accepted whatever lies she told me. I confessed my feelings to her that day. I told her “I have loved you for so long but I couldn’t say anything because of your boyfriend.” She said “I know how you feel about me. I love you too. My boyfriend and I are having problems but I was waiting for you to propose to me before I leave him.”

I love her so much and she says she loves me too. She said she would break up with her boyfriend so that we can be together. That should make me happy but it scares me. I am wondering if that is the same thing she told Frimpong. I don’t believe they are just friends. I am scared that she would date me alongside the two men she already has, and I’d just be her second spare tire. I am also scared that if indeed she leaves her boyfriend for me, then she could easily leave me for someone else. I am not sure I will be happy dating her with all these doubts in my mind. I am just sad that after everything I’ve endured in order to have her, I cannot in good conscience be with her. We didn’t even date but I am heartbroken. 

–Ethan

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