My father left my mother after I was born. He told me the story himself. He said he wanted to be with an educated lady, and my mum wasn’t one. After he left her, my mother met someone else and they got married. This new man of hers didn’t want to be responsible for me. He wasn’t even taking care of her. She struggled through the sun, selling crates of eggs so that she could take care of us. 

Sometimes my mother travelled to different towns to sell her eggs. In her absence, I sold cooked rice so I could get money for school. My stepfather didn’t want to have anything to do with me so my mother often left me with a certain man in our neighbourhood whenever she had to go and sell. It was this man who stripped my innocence. He did a lot of obscene things to me. I carried the shame of his actions and blamed myself for it. I felt sick to my stomach every time he touched me. One day, I was in school when I started getting flashbacks of what the man had been doing to me. The more I thought about it the more I knew I didn’t want it to keep happening. 

When I closed from school that day, I ran to my grandmother’s place. It was a very long-distance journey but I was propelled by a purpose. When I got there I told my grandma I didn’t want to live with my mum again. I didn’t tell her what was going on but she must have known that if I had to run all the way to her then it was about something very bad. She let me stay. I lived with her until she died in 2007. 

I went back to live with my mum after the death of my grandma. She had moved out of the old neighbourhood so I no longer saw the man. I resumed the business of selling cooked rice so I could help my mum with the bills. 

The first man I dated was a smoker. He was in the polytechnic and he was way older than me. After him, I met another man. He didn’t smoke but was an alcoholic. He was also way older than me. Our relationship ended when he got a woman pregnant and married her. After him, I met a bartender. The age gap between us was ten years. I was in JHS 2, too young to know the ways of the world yet experienced in matters of the heart. I liked the way he looked. He is light-skinned, hairy and has a gap in his teeth. That was what made me fall in love with him. When he asked for my number I gladly gave it to him.

We became friends for a while before he finally expressed interest in me. He was the first man I met who didn’t rush to get carnal with me. That made me trust his intentions. When he finally proposed I quickly accepted it. 

After I accepted his proposal, he became a different person. All he was interested in was shuperu and nothing else.  He was insatiable. He was working but he always complained about not having money. Every evening he would come to my rice store and get served. In the morning, he would come to me for money to buy porridge. 

This happened until I completed JHS and went to SHS. When I was in SHS he would convince me to share my feeding money with him. Later in the term, my boyfriend would call me in school and ask me for money. I was very much in love with him so I freely gave him anything he asked of me. He didn’t stop asking until I completed SHS and gained admission into the university. 

All the money I had saved from selling rice, combined with my mother’s money went into paying school fees and accommodation. I needed some help with provisions and I asked my boyfriend to help me out. He didn’t help. I struggled through school. I sold everything that could possibly be sold on campus. When school vacated I sold rice. That’s how I made it through. 

During my university days, my boyfriend was working in a music studio. They were not popular then but currently, they are. He told me he was part owner. “If the studio starts doing well they will open a branch for me and I will start making big money,” he told me. As time went by the music studio started making music with popular artists yet my boyfriend was still broke. Every time I asked him for something he told me stories. 

One day I contacted the guy he introduced to me as his partner, that was when I learned that he was just a studio hand. The only thing he was doing with his life was weed and alcohol. I tried to leave him but I was so in love with him that I couldn’t. On days I actually broke up with him he came crawling back. I met nice and decent guys but I couldn’t love anyone as much as I loved him. Sometimes we would break up for six months but still end up together. He will tell me, “I promise you that I will change. I will clean up my life and find something doing.”

READ ALSO: How Do You Walk Away When Everything Hurts?

We were on and off for a very long time because the change he promised took a very long time to happen. He didn’t have his own place so he moved from one friend to another. Through all these, we are still together. He is not a cheat, that’s one thing I am sure of. I have completed university and I am doing my national service. He has managed to cut down on his drinking and his smoking. He has gotten his own place now. He has a decent job he is doing and his life has turned around. He always reminds me of the times I took care of him. He tells me it’s his turn to return the favour. He makes sure I don’t lack anything. He’s a new man now. He loves and respects me. He treats me the way I have always wanted him to. 

My problem right now is this… 

At the time he was wasting his life away, my aunt and my uncle knew him so when I introduced him to them as my boyfriend, they disapproved of him. Even now that he has changed, they still disapprove of him. Because of this, my mother too doesn’t want me to have anything to do with him. I spoke to my pastor about him, hoping to at least get someone to agree with me and convince my parents to accept him. 

My pastor said, “Bring his photograph so that we will fast and pray about him.” 

After the fasting and prayers, my pastor told me, “God has revealed to me that you shouldn’t marry him. If you marry him things will end badly for you. I’m not asking you to believe me. You can confirm it from God. You should ask him to show you what he has shown me.” 

I prayed about him again and I started having dreams of us constantly fighting. I felt that was the confirmation I needed from God so I decided to break up with him.  The day I told him I was leaving, this guy tried to commit suicide right in front of me. He said he will not live in a world where I am not his. 

We’ve gone through phases. Phases where he was the bad person. That was the time I should have left him but I stayed. Now that everything is getting better, there’s a prophesy that I have to walk away from him. I’m reluctant to walk away looking at all the troubles we’ve been through. I love him. He’s the one I want to be with but I don’t want to go against my family and my pastor’s prophecy. 

He is talking about us getting married so that we can start having kids. It’s a good idea but I’m confused as to which step to take. I don’t know what to do right now. I need help, please. 

—Akua

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB