The recent stories on Silent Beads regarding the change in the attitude of wives when husbands are in poor financial states is the reason I am sharing my story here today. I am a 28-year-old man and have been with my girlfriend, who is 24 years old, for three years now. I know she wants to get married and to be honest with you all, I also want to get married. Throughout our three years of the relationship, she has been good to me.

When I say good, what I mean is, that there has been no drama since we began dating. She hasn’t cheated on me, insulted me, or given me any reason to have doubts about my intentions for her. When we met in 2020, I had recently changed jobs to a very lucrative one. My finances were good so she has never been in a position to support me with money or material needs.

I am still doing very well financially. As far as money is concerned, I can get married to her today if I want to. I love her very much. And I know she loves me too. So what’s stopping me from making things official? I don’t know. For some unexplainable reason, I can’t seem to take the next step. I don’t know where these doubts are coming from.

In the initial stages of the relationship, we talked about money. I only wanted to understand her stance when it comes to family finances. Her views on the subject left me shocked. This is what she said, “I am the woman so my money is my money, and you are the man so your money is our money.” This was a phone conversation so she couldn’t see my facial reaction.

I didn’t want to let the issue slide so I blatantly told her, “I don’t agree with you. You are supposed to be my helper. We have to build together to make things work for us.” She then asked me to talk to our pastor about it. “If you talk to him, he will tell you that I am right,” she said. At this point, I couldn’t hide my surprise. When she noticed it she started saying, “Oh, I was joking. I will definitely step in to help you when the need arises.”

Now here is the thing, I am not the kind of man who is interested in a woman’s finances or takes advantage of a woman’s love in any way. But my core principles in a relationship have always been faithfulness and loyalty. I believed she was also like me but her statement has been ringing in my head.

For the three years we’ve been together, I have always supported her when she needs me to. I don’t wait for her to ask before I provide for her. I always send her money at the end of the month. She didn’t ask me to do that. I just know that she needs extra money because of her low income. So I took it upon myself to support her.

I do what I do because of my love for her. It is also my way of showing that I am committed to our relationship. I have no intention of pursuing another woman or running through women before I get married. That’s why I want to marry her as soon as possible. But the question I keep asking myself is, do I really know this woman? Will she be my support system when I am down? Does she really mean the statement she made about family finances?

I come from a family where my mum was equally educated as my dad and earned more than him. I can confidently say my mum bore the cost of all capital expenditures in our home, but never once did she rub it in his face, although I don’t consider my dad a very good father.

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I am currently at my work site and slated to return by the end of this year. Recently, we were talking on the phone, and she brought up the subject of marriage. “Mark, when are you coming home to meet my family officially?” I didn’t know what to say I answered, “Once I come and meet your people they will be expecting us to get married. So give me some time to save more money for marriage before we take that step.”

She knows me well enough to see through my excuses. She took me back to the beginning of our relationship. “When we first started dating, you told me you would be ready for marriage in three years’ time. We have been here for three years so what do you mean you need more time?” I felt backed into a corner. I don’t like to go back on my words so I assured her, “I will come home when I return from work.” She is happy and expectant.

How I Met The Woman Of My Dreams

To be honest, finances are not the problem here. My question is, do I really know her? Can she be someone who will have my back? Because I know that I will have her back through thick and thin, and our three-year relationship proves that. However, my current position in the relationship has never given me a reason to need her help in any way, so I can’t say the same for her, although we’ve had a peaceful relationship so far.

The issues men are going through on this page make me wonder if all these sacrifices men make are worth it if the very people you want to give the best to, betray you when you’re at your lowest. Please advise me.

—Mark

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